Shakespeare quotes updated for the Rio Olympics

Ever wonder what Shakespeare would have said about this years Olympics? I have the answer.

 

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To bees or not two bees, that is the question… The answer is no, those are two Zika carrying misquotes!

  

Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him so well… Unless he was doping, in that case I never met the guy.

  

Better three hours too soon than a minute late… Unless you show up at the wrong event.

 

The lady doth protest too much, methinks, there be steroids in the air!

  

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark… Luckily we’re in Rio.

  

ll that glisters is not gold, there are silver medals too.

  

Now is the winter of our discontent in Rio, though these are the Summer games, geography is odd that way.

  

Tempt not a desperate man, lest a whole country gets banned for doping.

  

A man can die but once, but he can miss out on a gold medal many times.

    

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 I hope you enjoyed these updated quotes. Thanks for reading!

What would Shakespeare say today?

What would Shakespeare write today? How many ch different would his famous plays be? What about the lines that get quoted so often?

If you’ve been wondering about these questions, I have the answer! I’ve put several seconds into thinking up these reworked quoted. I hope you enjoy!

I’d like to apologize in advance for any formatting errors, the new WordPress app has a few bugs in it.

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Original: A fool think himself wise. A wise man knows himself to be a fool.

Updated: a fool thinks himself wise enough to be a politician. A wise man knows himself to be fool enough to be a politician.

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Original: Better three hours to early than a minute late.

Updated: Better a text too soon than a tweet to late.

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Original: wisely, and slow. They stumble who run fast.

Updated: Wisely and slow. They stumble into traffic who text while jogging.
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Original: There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.

Updated: there is nothing either good nor bad, but politicians make it so.

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Original: My words go up while my thoughts remain below. Words without thoughts never to heaven go.

Updated: My words go up while my thoughts remain below. I should have been a political speechwriter.

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Original: To be, or not to be, that is the question.

Updated: To be, or not to be, politicians can have it both ways.
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Original: To be, or not to be, that is the question.

Updated: To tweet or to blog, that is the question I text.
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Original: The lady doth protest too much, me thinks.

Updated: That lady protests like a politician, or I’ll be a grapefruit in sweatpants.
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Original: Out damned spot, out I say!

Updated: Siri, how do I remove blood stains?

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Original: now is the winter of our discontent.

Updated: As we get past the Fall equinox, the days begin to get shorter. As the jet stream moves to bring cold are from the North Pole down our way and the El Niño is forming in the pacific looks to push high than normal amounts of moisture inland, it looks like we’re in for a hard winter. Coupled with a downturn in the economy and a crashing stock market, I’d say we may now have a winter of discontent on our hands.

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How did I do? Do you think that William Shakespeare would write like that if he were alive today? Even if he wouldn’t, I hope you managed to get a chuckle from these updated quotes.

Thanks for reading.

If Shakespeare had been a cat

While few people may have wondered how Shakespeare would have written if he had been a cat, I have decided to remedy that.

To meow or not to meow, that is the question.

Alas poor mouse, it died to fast..

By the licking of my cream…

The lady doth protest too much, me thinks, now scratch my ear…

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy, but none as good as a chin rub.

If music be the food of love, I’ll walk on a piano.

Catnip, catnip, my kingdom for some catnip.

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to chase mice, not buffalo.

Out, damned moth! Out, I say!

But love is blind, and lovers cannot see
The pretty follies that cats themselves commit.

I hope you’ve enjoyed these modified quotes.

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The Bard and ice cream

Have you ever wondered why William Shakespeare would have written about ice cream? How about ice cream? I never did until a minute ago, so let’s take a look:

The Bard would have written something like this:

ice cream or sherbet, that is the question…

Alas poor ice cream, it melted to fast..

By the licking of my ice cream cone…

I will wear my ice cream on my sleeve when it melts…

Now is the winter of our discontent my summer by the glory on the brownies…

The lady doth protest too much, me thinks, her sherbet melted…

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy, but none as good as chocolate.

If music be the food of love, play on and bring the honeyed fruit.

A cake, a cake, my kingdom for a cake!

Thanks for reading, I hope you’ve enjoyed my take on William Shakespeare and dessert.
Feel free to comment.