Another fowl week

It’s Thanksgiving week again, which means it’s a week for turkey and parades.

  Is there anything more fun than watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving day parade? It’s also a good excuse to relax.

 This week is a good week to take a few minutes and glance through a few comic books, take a few minutes to reread a few old favorites.

 While you enjoy your turkey this week, make sure to save a few choice pieces for your cats, they will enjoy them and you won’t have to worry about midnight revenge attacks due to your cat not getting any turkey.

 Blogging has been difficult at best for the past few weeks, so I decided that I’d take most of this week off, I may blog if something strikes my fancy, otherwise I’ll try to be back next week. Thanks for understanding.

 I hope you enjoy your week. Thanks for reading.

How to ruin any food: Roasted turkey

Tonight we’re going to ruin a roasted turkey. Why? Mostly because here in the U.S. it’s nearly Thanksgiving and that’s what everyone eats.

First off I should make sure everyone knows that we’re ruining the fowl turkey, not declaring war on the country or anything like that.*

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

What it is:

A roasted turkey is just that, a turkey that has been roasted in a roasting pan in an oven, periodically basted and cooked to perfection.

History of roasted Turkey:

The history of roasted turkey is basically nonexistent. Luckily I’m here to create the actual history of turkey roasting for you:

Turkeys were first roasted in 10,000 BC, however as it came out dry and gravy hadn’t yet been invented, it was lost to history.

In 50 BC, Julius Caesar sent a legion to North America in search of a rare bird, they brought back a turkey. Julius Caesar was impressed and instantly saw the promise of raising turkeys and cooking them, his over eager chef prepared the bird without realizing that it was the only one in Rome. Julius Caesar planned on sending an expedition back to North America to set up a turkey farm, however a war broke out and the humble turkey was forgotten.

After that it wasn’t until the pilgrims landed in Plymouth that turkeys were roasted again, this time by a bad comedian who had somehow stowed away on the May Flower.

At last an oven was built and turkey roasting became popular, the rest is history.

How to roast a turkey:

Roasting a turkey can be easy or hard. Some people insist of brining their turkeys before cooking them, others just pop it in the over and forget about it. Between these to types of people are numerous variations. Therefore I will not give a recipe for cooking a turkey, instead I suggest you look up a few recipes and see what sounds best to you.

How to ruin a roasted turkey:

Now we come to the fun part, ruining the roasted turkey!

Now a simple way to ruin a roasted turkey is to use ruined gravy, if you wish to go this route, please read my ruining gravy post: https://mageowl.wordpress.com/2015/04/26/how-to-ruin-any-food-gravy/

Otherwise continue reading:

Brine:

If you believe that a brined turkey tastes better, I have a few ways to ruin the brine:

First off, instead of using salt water, use sugar-water, it’ll give your turkey a sweet taste and might even make it crisper, you even have a chance of it becoming caramelized.

The next way is to replace your brine with root beer, it’ll add an interesting flavor to your turkey.

Basting:

All  turkeys need to be basted while they cook, so why not have some fun and change the brine?

  • Root beer – is there anything better than root beer?
  • Ginger ale – nearly as good as root beer.
  • Lemonade – for those in warm climates.
  • Tomato juice – are you sure your turkey is done? Or did you cut yourself while basting the turkey?
  • Chocolate syrup – There are chocolate covered cherries, chocolate covered raisins, why not chocolate  covered turkeys?

While I personally think any of those would be  good  enough, here is  one more basting recipe:
One full bottle each of: Hot sauce, soy sauce, Worcestershire sauce, baste early and often.

Cooking:

Perhaps the simplest method of all! Simply  over or  under cook your turkey. I prefer over cooking it, not covering it while it’s cooking and do not baste it at all, serve without gravy and you have  the perfect ruined turkey!

 

Spices:

Everyone knows that spices are important to cooking and baking, but this will show you how you can ruin something just by changing the spices!

  • Pumpkin spice
  • Allspice
  • Horseradish powder
  • Cinnamon
  • Cloves

Any one or more of the above spices will easily ruin a turkey, there are many more as well, play around and see what  you  can come up with.

Stuffing:

Most  people stuff their turkeys, here are  three  ways to ruin the  stuffing:

  1. One bag or box of your choice brand cereal, with marshmallows.
  2. Whole, unpeeled, unwashed, potatoes.
  3. Quarter five onions, unpeeled, mix with bread crumbs moisten with root beer.

A few more ideas:

Yes, I have a few more ideas, I hope you enjoy these too:

  • Loosen the skin of your turkey, instead of butter, add small marshmallows.
  • Once your turkey is ready, dust with  powdered sugar.
  • Steal the old joke from Groucho Marx,  change it a bit and tell your guests that the turkey is fresh, say ‘I shot it in my overcoat this morning, how it got into my over coat I’ll never know’, as you set down a covered tray with a coat sleeve hanging out from under the cover. Note: you don’t really have a turkey under there, just a coat.

While that last one doesn’t really ruin the actual turkey, it should ruin your guests appetite, which is nearly as good.

 

Did I miss your favorite way to ruin a roasted turkey? Let me know in the comments.

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this post as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Have a great rest of the weekend.

 

*Reference to the Doctor Who 2007 Christmas special “Voyage of the Damned” just in case you were curious.

Cats and Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving day, or as some people (and all cats) call it, Turkey day. It’s the day cats wait all year for. So why not treat your cats right and make them a plate of their own? Tonight O’ve got a few suggestions for you.

While most cats will love turkey, there are plenty of other things that they might enjoy, it varies from cat to cat, so you’ll have to find out just what your cat enjoys. Some cats like corn, some like potatoes or even bread.
Start a plate or dish with a nice helping of turkey cut into nice small pieces, add whatever your cat enjoys, cover with gravy (your cat does like gravy, right?) and sprinkle with catnip.
Another option is to just sprinkle a piece of turkey with catnip, that will guarantee a happy cat!

Now while most food is okay for your cat, do take a few moments and make sure that they don’t get any garlic or onions (or anything in the same family as those), as those aren’t good for cats to consume.
Don’t give your cat any turkey bones, you don’t want your cat to choke after all.
Be safe, keep your cat stuffed and sated this Thanksgiving. You and your cats will both be quite happy, it should make it a good holiday for you both.

Thanks for reading!

Fowl weather

This week it’s fowl weather, the winds bring the scent of roasting turkey., gravy, stuffing and cranberry sauce.
Pumpkin pies bake in the crisp morning air, or at least they will in a few more days.
While we wait for the main meal of the year, let’s talk turkey, or hot chocolate and comic books anyway.
One of the most debated things about hot chocolate is the number and type of marshmallows in it. A few people will use whipped cream instead an even fewer will want their hot chocolate straight, which is fine, but for the rest of us the choice is between the large marshmallows or the tiny ones.
In my opinion, the smaller marshmallows tend to melt quicker, create a more uniform foam, mix with the hot chocolate better and just plain taste better, however it is personal preferance.
Alas there are very few (if any) Thanksgiving themed comic books out there, so instead I suggest reading a classic, whether it’s an old favorite, a comic you’ve wanted to read for a long time, or just something that catches your eye, read it, try something that you wouldn’t normally try, who knows, you might find a new favorite.
Now let’s talk turkey, or rather something to do while you’re waiting for the turkey to be ready. The main thing everyone watches (and I will be too), the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. The event that some of us have been waiting for all year. For some of us it’s the kick off of the holiday season, something that makes the holidays better.
You do need to have a bit of a plan in place, plenty of hot chocolate while you camp out in front of your TV watching it. During the commercials you can get more hot chocolate, feed your cat or even get your turkey going.
While I could offer a few more suggestions, I doubt I really need to, all I want to say is this:
Eat well, enjoy the food and get ready for a busy holiday shopping season.

Thanks for reading.

The history of Thanksgiving day

 As Thanksgiving day is upon us once more, I thought that I’d share the true history of the occasion (note, I apologize to anyone who might get upset at the following lines).

There are several places where I could start, however, as I don’t wish to waste time doing research, I’ll begin at the beginning.

 The pilgrims came to these shores not to escape religious persecution, but for the rumored bargains. They had been told of stores that never closed and where nothing was back ordered… However, when confronted by the harsh reality that they were several centuries early, they realized that they had gotten more than they had bargained for.

When in the course of human events, in 1776, the Brittish declared that all stores be closed on the last Friday of November, George Washington gathered up his band of brave bargain hunters (who thought nothing of facing down natives on the warpath just to save two pence on the latest toy) and declared that these united colonies were free and independent states that could have businesses open whenever they wanted to.

 After the Brittish discovered that we had better sales on red coats than anywhere else in the world, they quickly signed trade agreements over turkey sandwiches. George Washington declared the following day a day of thanksgiving and bargain hunting.

Benjamin Franklin tried to coner the market in eagles, thinking to make a fortune selling them for food, suggestion that the turkey be made the national bird. He suffered a major financial setback until he managed to turn him farm into a turkey farm.

The next major event that helped established Thanksgiving day was the War of 1812, when the Brittish considered changing their uniforms from red to teal. That war lasted until an enterprising tailor from Ohio made a deal to supply the Brittish with an extra ten percent off all uniforms purchased on the last Friday in November.

In 1860, rival traders, one from the northern states and one from the southern states were fighting to get a contract away from the other to supply a small fort called Sumpter. The two traders ended up ending fire on one another, an act the brought the northern states into battle with the southern states, it started a war that lasted for several years.

 During that war, several notable things happened, all but one of which is outside the scope of this post. The one thing worth mentioning is the great speech at Gettysburg by Abraham Lincoln, where he called for lower prices and longer shopping hours at the local mall, which he also tried to get funding to invent.

After the war was over, president Lincoln declared the last Thursday in November a day of thanksgiving… And a night of shopping. Unfortunately, Mr Lincoln was shot and killed while attending the Ford Bargan bonanza.

During the past century, people began enjoying a day off with their family, fortunately things have been changing lately and we’re going back to being a people dedicated to shopping and getting the best bargains on items we would never buy otherwise.

Now we are lucky enough to have businesses opening up early Thanksgiving morning, with frozen dinners, no one has to waste time fixing an elaborate meal, or even eating such a meal. A few minutes in front of a microwave followed by a few more minutes in front of a tv watching football are all that are needed before people can head out (or back out) to spend money on bargains.

It’s a great time we live in, where people can spend a holiday shopping instead of being forced to spend time with family.

Happy Thanksgiving! Here’s to the bargain!