Ask a cat, week twenty four

Another week, another question for a cat. Luckily I’m not asking either cat twenty four questions tonight, if I did we’d be here all night.

 Tonight Agent 028 is going to provide a few cryptic answers to my questions.

 

Thanks for agreeing to answer some questions, Agent 028. 

Eh, I didn’t have anything else to do, I defeated the forces of Mousefield last night and I don’t have to deal with any of DOGS angents until tomorrow night.

 

I see. So, Agent 028, what do you think of all the elections that have been held recently, do you believe any votes were changed by hacking?

 Votes changed by hacking? Not on your life! I’ll have you know that we CATS agents are always on the job! Why not a vote is cast that we don’t double check and correct!

 

Correct? That sounds like changing votes to me.

 Don’t worry about it, Colin, we only make sure that the right sort of people are elected, those who favor better treats for cats and unlimited catnip.

 

So, just how do you correct these votes? Do you use laptops? Or just smartphones?

Neither. We wake people up before dawn and hypnotize them with our special stares, it never fails.

 

Okay… moving on, how about this weather? Near record highs in places!

 Has it been warm? I’ve been sleeping. I do enjoy a nice warm sun beam.

  

You mean to tell me you haven’t noticed how hot it’s been?

 Hey, you wear a fur coat year round, you’ll get used to it too.

 

Somehow I expected a few cryptic answers this week, I didn’t expect you to be so forthcoming in your answers.

 Oh… I can be cryptic. The reason I wasn’t has to do with tomorrow being the day of fur.

 

Day of fur?

Yes, Fursday.

 

Well that’s it for tonight, if we go on much longer Agent 028 will start cracking jokes!

  How many mice does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

I hope everyone enjoyed these questions! I’ll be back with Wild Buffalo Betty next week!

None, they still use candles!

 Goodnight everyone!

Ask a human, week two

Greetings, I’m 028, Agent 028. Tonight it’s Colin’s turn to answer some questions, revenge can be sweet sometimes, bwhaa ha ha… er, I mean purr!

 

Thanks for joining me tonight, Colin, are you ready to answer some questions?

 I’m ready! Thanks for having me… though this is odd, I’m normally the one doing the asking.

 

First question… where were you on the night of the 23rd?

Of which month? And why do you want to know?

 

May?

 May what? Are you wanting catnip already? We have barely begun the questions!

 

I’ll take catnip, I guess… wait! I want to know where you were on May 23rd!

 Oh, that kind of May. I guess I was probably either working on my blog or scratching your ear.

 

 Ah ha! So you admit to stealing the secrets?

 What? What secrets?

 

You’ll never win, I’ll stop you yet! No! Not my ear…. curse you, you know the one weakness I have, an ear scratch and a double helping of catnip!

  

Well, it looks like Agent 028 doesn’t have any more questions for me, I’m sure Wild Buffalo Betty will have plenty of questions for me again next week.

Ask a cat, week twenty three

Tonight I have Wild Buffalo Betty here, she’s agreed to answer some questions… a little to eagerly I might add… and without the promise of catnip.

 

Thanks for joining me tonight, Wild Buffalo Betty. Is there anything you’d like to say before we get started?

 Yes! Yes ah would, Colin, its mighty nice o’ you to ask. Ah’d like to share mah sorrow in the loss of that fine actor.

 

I didn’t know you were a Adam West fan.

Adam West? Ah mean Batman, he played Adam West, right? You just take off that mask an he don’t look the same. Course even with the mask on, no one could confuse him with a desperado.

 

Uh… Betty? Batman was played by Adam West in the 1960s tv show. Still I’m sure everyone is happy to know even cats enjoyed that show.

 Sure do, we love the ropin’ and the horse riding! What more can ya ask for in a tv show?

 

Roping? I don’t know about that…

Well the western episodes then, #s 59 and 60, with the outlaw Shame? Great episodes! Great western set too.

 

Ah yes… I remember now. Still I’m surprised you’d enjoy a show about Batman and Robin, seeing as how you’re a cat and all.

 Oh, that… ah’ll admit it ain’t easy at first, plus I always did root for cat woman and all the lions and tigers they found themselves staring down. Yet I’d rather root for a bat or Robin instead of a joker or penguin… but… riddle me this Colin: what has two cats and yet few likes?

 

I give up, Betty, what?

This blog! Hahahaha!

 

Now Betty, it’s summer and not as many people read blogs during the summer. Don’t you have a nicer riddle than that?

 Okay, sure… what’s green, smells nice and needs to be given to a certain cat right now?

 

Catnip?

You got it on the first try! Now let’s get going!

 

Well it looks like that’s all for tonight… but be sure to tune in next week… same blog, same general time!

R.I.P Adam West

The talented actor Adam West has died, he was 88.

 

While best remembered for his role of Batman in the 1960s tv show Batman, he starred in several movies and other tv shows during his career.

 He appeared in a number of westerns, playing some historic characters, including Doc Holiday and Wild Bill Hicock. He was also in a number of crime dramas and even appeared in Perry Mason.

 His movie roles were just as varied, from sci-fi movies like Robinson Crusoe on Mars, to working with the Three Stooges in The Outlaws are Coming.

 After his time in the bat cave, he remained popular even though he struggled with typecasting.

 He continued to act in both movies and movies v shows and also did voice over work on numerous animated shows and movies.

 

 Fair well, Adam West, you will be missed.

Ask a human, week one

It’s Wild Buffalo Betty here, I’ve finally convinced Colin that it’s only fair that he answer questions every week too. Without further ado, let’s get asking!

 

Thanks for agreeing to answer a few questions this week, Colin.

 My pleasure… plus you wouldn’t let me get any sleep if I didn’t agree.

 

I’m sure everyone would like to know what your favorite movie is.

I like lots of movies, Operation Petticoat, Singing in the Rain, Forbidden Planet and lots more.

 

Forbidden planet? Is that anything like that room you said I can’t go in that I still sneak into?

Not exactly, but that’s close enough. It has a robot, monsters of the id and a spaceship, everything a great movie needs!

 

Does it have gun fighters? Cattle rustling? Shootouts in a corral?

No, but it does have a monster and ray guns.

 

What about Singing in the rain? I take it that’s a horror movie? Humans singing a rain, I can’t imagine anything more frightening.

Not at all! It’s a comedy! With music and dancing! It includes a scene where Gene Kelly dances in the rain while singing too! It’s a classic!

 

Right, a classic horror movie like Frankenstein or the wolf man. Now tell us something about this Operation Petticoat? It’s about knitting I assume?

No! It’s a comedy war movie! It’s about a submarine that gets sunk, is raised, patched back together and then heads off to get fully repaired, on the way they have several adventures and end up painting the sub pink.

 

No knitting? No yarn? No shootouts? What’s the point?

It’s just a fun movie.

 

Well I think that’s about all the time we have tonight, Colin, would you like to say a few parting words?

Yes I would… whether ’tis nobler to suffer in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune…

What are you talking about? Have you gone crazy? Or crazier than normal?

Hush! I’m doing a Scene from Hamlet!

Mmmm! Ham! Let’s go eat! Goodnight everyone!

Jokes for June 8th (by Agent 028)

I’m 28… Agent 28, I like my catnip shredded, not chopped. Last night Colin asked me to help with the jokes tonight… just like Wild Buffalo Betty did last week, so tonight I went ahead and… immobilized Colin in a fashion similar to how Wild Buffalo Betty did last week, only I used some feather toys and jingling balls in addition to the yarn, he won’t get free anytime soon. Well that’s enough set up, now it’s time for my favorite jokes, enjoy.

 

Why did the mouse cross the road?

Because he knew better than to cross a cat!

 

Why did the cat become a spy?

Sorry, I can’t reveal that.

 

When the cat’s arch-villain released a thousand trained ninja mice, what did the cat say?

Looks like fun!

 

Why did the cat catch mouse?

It was a lot easier than catching a cold!

  

How do you tell a cat from a lion?

Sorry, the answer is classified.

 

A lion, a lynx and a tiger go into a bar, the bartender says…. sorry, the rest of this joke is top secret.

 

(This joke has been classified by CATS and will be replaced by a cat poem)

A butterfly, on its fragile wings,

A mouse on fast mousy legs,

A bird awing,

While all of these may be my prey,

Catnip is bettter than any of them.

 

I hope you enjoyed these jokes tonight. I’ve got a thousand more, but I’ve got to go on a mission… I mean, I think I hear a mouse!

 Goodnight everyone!

Ask a cat, week twenty two 

Another week, another ask the cat post.

 Tonight I have Agent 028 here with me, he’s agreed to let me ask him a few questions.

 

Thanks for making yourself available tonight, Agent 028. 

 Well, it was either this or fight the forces of evil on a small island in the Caribbean and somehow, I don’t have a boat anymore.

 

Did you ever have a boat? I thought most cats didn’t like water.

 I don’t like water much, but sometimes a cat had to go ahead and do something they don’t like. I used to have a very nice small boat, more like a raft really, but I lent it to Wild Buffalo Betty and she sank it.

 

Where did she sink it and how?

 In some river… I think it was in Brazil, she said something about Rio, she said it was a grand river. She clawed it, you know how sharp her claws are.

 

Oh yes, she does have sharp claws, as do most cats, yourself included. Now what do you think about the political situation?

 Oh no! I don’t talk politics with anyone! Not never!

 

I think that’s a double negative, but everyone knows what you mean, I don’t blame you a bit. Now what did you do today, I’m sure everyone is eager to learn that.

 Me? Today? Why nothing, I just laid in the sun, sleeping, I ate a bit… we need to talk about this cat food by the way, I looked for mice even though it’s the wrong season and then I went to Rome and stopped a plot to kill someone.

 

Wait… what was that last part?

 I said I enjoy lots of cheese on my catnip pizza.

 

Right… do you have any weekend  suggestions for our readers?

 Oh sure! Get on a plane and go to Timbuktu to meet with a shady character named Ishmael, he’ll get you on a boat and take you on an adventure… just don’t get on the captain’s bad side, I hear he holds a grudge.

 

 Have you been reading classic books again, Agent 028?

 Books? I only use books to keep from being seen while preforming surveillance. Or to set up traps.

 

Are you responsible for that death trap by the kitchen door last week?

 Hey! A cat has to keep in practice, you would have been happy if it would have caught a burglar!

 

As much as I’m enjoying these questions, Agent 028, our time is about up.

 Aww… just when I was starting to enjoy it!

 

 One last question, would you like to help out with the jokes tomorrow night?

 Sure! I’ve got a few great jokes! Why did the mouse…

 

Sorry, that’s all for tonight Agent 028! Thanks for reading, I hope everyone will join us tomorrow night for some jokes!

Jokes for June 1st (by Wild Buffalo Betty)

Hi y’all, Wild Buffalo Betty here. if’en y’all remember, last night Coiln promised Ah could tell some jokes tonight, he tried to back out, at least partly, he suggested we do more of those knock knock jokes… unfortunately he’s a bit tied up right now, Ah showed him how ah’d rope cattle, with any luck he won’t get free from the yarn until I finish my jokes.

 

What’s black and white and purrs?

 Me of course!

 

What can’t Agent 028 tell any secrets?

Because he’s got a cat tongue…. of is that supposed to be he got his tongue? I can never remember…

 

Why is a cat like a bard?

They both like a good yarn.

 

Why is a cat like a weaver?

They both like yarn.

 

How many cats does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, we can see fine in the dark.

 

What flavor ice cream do cats like?

Catnip.

 

When do cats let mice go free?

Never, we always charge them.

 

What credit card do mice carry?

Mouse-ercard.

 

How does a feline order gifts?

From a catalog!

 

How does a cat find catnip in a jung…. oh dang, Colin’s almost free!

 Goodnight everyone, ah hope y’all enjoyed these jokes! Now move ‘me up and move ‘me out, pilgrim, yee Ha!

Ask a cat, week twenty one 

Welcome back, I hope you’re ready for some odd cat ideas tonight… don’t tell any cat I wrote that.

 I managed to convince Wild Buffalo Betty to answer a few questions this week.

 

Thanks for agreeing to answer a few questions this week, Wild Buffalo Betty.

 Hey! You got my name right for once!

 

I try, Betty, I try. Now what do you think of the weather?

 We cowcats don’t mind weather, we’re hardy and tough. We spend our days ropin’ cattle and our nights hunting mice.

 

What about bats? Do they drive you crazy?

 Yes… I guess you could say they drive me batty!

 

Wild Buffalo Betty… who is the comedian here? You or me?

 Me of course!

 

Thank you… hey! Wait a minute…

 Why a minute? Is your watch running?

 

You aren’t even as funny as I think I am, Betty.

 That may be, but I’m still funnier than you!

 

What is this? A roast?

 No… I don’t think so, I don’t see any roast around here… I do love a nice buffalo roast, though pork roasts are okay too.

 

Moving on…what do you think about the political climate?

 It’s heating up… if it keeps going this way, I’m afraid there won’t be any snow again, everyone will be shouting too much… now can I tell some jokes?

 

Not tonight, Wild Buffalo Betty, how about tomorrow night? You can do the joke post.

 Great! I’ll start getting ready… can’t I tell one joke tonight?

 

Oh… okay, go ahead Betty.

What’s furry, has claws and wants the catnip promised to her?
You?

Correct! Isn’t that a good joke? Now what do you think you should do now?

 

Well I guess that’s all for tonight, tomorrow night Wild Buffalo Betty will have some jokes… I can’t wait to read them. Say good night, Betty.

 Oh no! I know that one! Good morning everyone! I’m off to sleep!

 

Thanks for reading!

Ask a cat, week twenty part two

As promised, I’m here tonight with Wild Buffalo Betty, this won’t be a long post, but she did have something she wanted to talk about.

 

Thanks for agreeing to do this tonight, Wild Buffalo Betty, was there any questions you really wanted to answer tonight?

 Sigh, yes, Colin, I’d like to take a moment of silence for my favorite actor who went to Boot Hill this week.

 

Your favorite actor died? Agent 028’s favorite actor died too, Roger Moore.

 Yup, he was my favorite actor too, he was in my favorite show, Maverick. The Alaskans was pretty good too.

 

So Roger Moore was a secret agent on a western?

 No! That was that silly Wild Wild West, I’m talking about Maverick, a serious western. He was great in that show, ah reckon.

 

I don’t think I’ve ever watched it, so I’ll take your word for it.

 Ah thank ya, Colin. Now I’m running late for a roundup.

 

What are you rounding up?

Oh the normal, mice mostly, I found a few catnip mice Agent 028 forgot about.

 

Would you like to say the parting words tonight, Wild Buffalo Betty?

 Ah sure would…. take care this weekend, try to watch Maverick or the Alaskans. Colin will return next week with another ask the cat, until then, move ’em up an move ’em out!