I’m back!

After a few weeks away, I, Colin, have returned to start blogging again.

While I hadn’t expected to have Wild Buffalo Betty and Agent 028 blog while I was gone, I see it went pretty smoothly… aside from them hitting save as draft instead of publish a few time this week.

As Wild Buffalo Betty reported, I’ve agreed to let her and Agent 028 do a few more posts this month, I’ve seen the ones that they have ready to go and I hope you’ll enjoy them as much as I have, I’m looking forward to seeing what else they come up with next week.

Now this wouldn’t be much of a post from me without a few jokes, so here we go!

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What did one bar of soap say to the other?

Don’t lye to me!

What does soap do on a lazy day?

It lyes around.

What did the police detective tell the bar of soap?

I know when you lye.

Why couldn’t the detective catch the soap?

It was too slippery.

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Well that’s it for tonight, I hope you got a chuckle out of the jokes, I’d be lying if I said they were my best.

Thanks for reading!

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Thursday night humor for January 12th

Another week, another joke.

 Before the humor, I have a quick question for you: which title do you prefer for this weekly post ‘Humor for date’ or ‘Jokes for date’? Let me know in the comments.

 

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Why did the snowman hate the cold snap?

His New Years resolution was to lose weight.

 

How does a cat spend a cloudy day?

He sleeps any way he wants.

 

What did the cat think when the mouse got the milk product in the cartoon?

She declared that it was a cheesy scene.

 

When a mouse stole the spotlight at an awards ceremony, the cat said that the mouse was acting cheesy.

 

If a snowman snubs a celebrity, I guess you could say he gave the star a cold shoulder.

 

What do you call an athlete who pawns pass cards?

A hock-key player

  

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I hope you enjoyed the humor for tonight. Thanks for reading!

Jokes for July 27th

It’s Wednesday night again. These summer days are just flying by, aren’t they? I haven’t been blogging much this month, but I’m going to try to add at least one more post a week.

 I wasn’t able to come up with any jokes I thought were good enough, so here are a few old jokes, I hope you get a chuckle from them.

 

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A priest, a cowboy and pirate were marooned on an island. There was nothing growing on the island except for bananas. After eating their fill, the cowboy and pirate discovered that the bananas were bad and causing hallucinations.

As the priest watched, the pirate tried to wrap a banana peel around his head, meanwhile the cowboy was similarly trying to tie a banana around his next.

 Finally the priest realized that in their hallucinations, the cowboy and pirate believed that the bananas were bandanas.

 “I’m glad I didn’t go ape over those,” the priest said aloud, adding “if I had, I’d be bananas by now!”

 

 

When the investigator found a clue, he quickly declared it to be something fishy, though he could never explain what a red herring was doing in a tuna cannery. 
   

 

How do you make a banana leave you alone?

 Show it the ice cream and chocolate sauce, that’s sure to make any banana split.

 

 

What was the complaint of the puma on a beach?

Sandy claws.

 

 

 

Why did the omelet refuse to pitch at a certain ballpark?

The fans were always egging him on. 

  

  

Why do pack rats make excellent pinch runners?

They are always stealing. 
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 I’ll try to have some new jokes for next week. Thanks for reading.

Humor for June 22nd

Sorry for being gone from WordPress with a word for the past week.

 Tonight I have a few new jokes and a few old favorites, all about ice cream, in a manner of speaking. Enjoy!

 

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Why was the ice tray cited for disturbing the peace after it threw a party?

Because of all the ice screams.

 

What happened when the dairy mogul moved his operation to the North Pole and everything froze?

He was arrested for all of the cold blooded ice screams.

 

What did the overworked ice cream maker say when asked about the new flavors that were coming out?

He said (in a cold voice) that they gave him a headache.

 

What happens when frozen cream start serving drinks?

It becomes an ice cream bar. 

 

What website do desserts use to communicate?

Ice cream social media.

 

How do you make an ice cream float? 

Put it on the Queen Mary

 

What does a cat call anchovies in ice cream? 

Purr-fection.

 

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Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed the jokes!

Humor for May 18th

This has been a quick week again and I’m afraid I’ve neglected my blog so far, sorry about that.

 I’m doing something a bit different for my jokes tonight, let me know what you think of it. I’m taking an old joke of mine and trying to change it around and make it funnier.

 

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Old joke

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A city slicker was visiting a farm, he asked the farmer how things were growing, the farmer said everything was coming up roses. The city slicker congratulated the farmer, to which the farmer said “Thing is, I planted beets.”

 

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New jokes

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 Joe was hiking through the countryside seeing what he could see. As he walked down a dirt roar, he saw a man in coveralls standing next to a rusty tractor and staring at the field.

  Joe asked how things were growing, the man in the coveralls just shrugged and pointed to a few plants that were in bloom next to a pile of boards.

 Roses? Joe asked.

The man in the coveralls turned to Joe and said “What do I know about plants? Yesterday I had a house here!”

 

 Alfred was riding his bike in a ten day race when he lost his way. As he peddled along a deserted back road, he saw a man in a field. With a sigh of relief he rode up to the fence and asked for directions.

 After the farmer helped Alfred, Alfred asked how the farm was doing. The farmer scratched his chin and replied that everything was growing like weeds.

That’s good, Alfred replied. Thing is, the farmer drawled, I planted vegetables. Now beet it.

 

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 I hope you got a chuckle out of these jokes. Thanks for reading!

Cheesy humor for May 11th

It’s another Wednesday night again and I’ve managed to come up with a few jokes tonight, I hope you enjoy these cheesy jokes tonight!

 

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Why does no one at the dairy ever get lost?

Because they always know the whey.

 

  

What did the witch ask the dairyman?

Which way do I go to find which whey is the witch whey?

 

  

When the cheese maker related his greatest secret to his apprentice, he gave him this riddle:

Mind your whey if you want to find your way, else you might find you’re stuck with the wrong whey.

 

  

The first question any cheese maker apprentice asks when making new cheeses is: which whey is the right whey?

 

When the eccentric winemaker planted slices of cheese in his vineyard, he said he was raisen’ cheese.

 

What kind of movies do dairy workers enjoy the most?

Cheesy ones.

 

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I hope you enjoyed these jokes tonight.

 If you’re interested in similar jokes, don’t forget about my cheesy jokes from last year, though it seems to be having some trouble with the formatting: https://mageowl.wordpress.com/2015/03/05/jokes-for-march-4th/

 

Thanks for reading!

Humor for May 4th

It’s another Wednesday night, so it’s time for some humor! The Kentucky Derby is this Saturday, so I came up with a few new horse racing related jokes, along with a few old standbys. I hope you enjoy them!

 

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Classics 

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When the jockey ate a pastry before every race, people began to say he was a dough nut.

 

Why did the jockey carry a horse shoe at night?

Because he couldn’t carry a lucky star.

 

While flipping pancakes, a chef was asked what horse would win the derby, he said it was a toss up.

 

When the vampire lost his bet on the derby for the hundredth time, it drove him batty.

 

Why do vampires hate horse races?

Because of the stakes.

  

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New jokes

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What kind of hats do jockeys prefer?

Derbies.
 

How many hats do horse jockeys own?

Three crowns.
 

What did the dentist tell the jockey he needed at his next visit?

A triple crown.
 

Why can jockeys always find who they are looking for in a forest?

They know a few things about tracks.

 

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That’s all the humor I have for tonight.

Thanks for reading!

Humor for April 27th

Believe it or not, it’s Wednesday night again, which means it’s time for some humor!

 I have a few jokes, puns and general bits of humor for you tonight, I hope you enjoy!

 

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Why did the flower grower take up shipbuilding in April?

Because he needed a few Mayflowers.

 

 

What did the inspector say when the box of eggs was pushed off a table?

That they were knocked off.

 

 

When a ghost starts to drink, you might say that the spirit was in good spirits.

  

 

The soufflé chef couldn’t make the baseball team as manager because he couldn’t get the batter up.

 

 An artist who specialized in carving marble statues was hired to carve a statue out of cheese, he worked diligently on it. His employer checked in to see how the statue was coming, the artist just said “So far so Gouda.”

 

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I hope you enjoyed the humor tonight. Thanks for reading!

Humor for March 23rd

Believe it or not, it’s Wednesday night again, which means it’s time for some humor! I hope you enjoy this mix of old jokes and new ones!

 

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When the bread was looking for a volunteer to free the butter, he was surprised when the egg spoke up and said: “I’ll spring the butter, I may crack under pressure however.”

 

The clock made the baseball team because he had spring in his step.

 

Why did the crook hire a clock to lead a jailbreak in mid March?

The clock was ready to spring ahead.

 

When the crackpot invented a robot made out of clocks, he claimed that his invention was moving  technology ahead by a spring.

 

When the investigator found a clue, he quickly declared it to be something fishy, though he could never explain what a red herring was doing in a tuna cannery. 

 

When the investigators discovered a clue in the dugout, one of them couldn’t help springing to a conclusion.

  

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 I hope you enjoyed these jokes.

Thanks for reading!

The ides of March are here again

The ides of March are here again, so if your name is Julius Ceaser, I’d recommend you take a few days off and Don a suit of armor, you can never tell when your friends may decide to overthrow your empire.

 

 St Patrick’s day is also this week, so it looks like we might be able n danger of… a sea of green beer? Cabbage and corned beef? I hate you say it, but that sounds a bit corny to me.

 

 Enjoy your week!