Ask a cat, week twenty seven

It’s that time of the week again, time to ask a cat some questions! I have a few good questions this week, hopefully I’ll get a chance to ask them, but wth these cats, they know how to change the topic. I hope you enjoy!

 

Agent 028? Where’s Wild Buffalo Betty? I thought you were both going to be here tonight?

 We were, but I’m here early, I’m retired now.

 

You’re retired? You gave up being a secret agent?

 No… not that i ever was one.

 

Than why did you say you’re retired?

Well, I was tired yesterday, I slept for maybe eighteen hours or so, then I spent all day hunting and playing, now I’m tired again, so I’m retired.

 

Oh, I see… you’re pulling your bad comedian act on my blog again!

 Thank you very much, ladies and germs!

 

“I think we should change topics now, Agent 028.

 I almost flew in today, but I didn’t have any wings! I ate them!

 

Agent 0281 How do you disarm a mouse?

You take away his guns! Har har!

 

Are you finally ready to be serious?

Not yet! Why did the chicken cross the road?

 

To get to the other side?

To get away from a hungry cat!

 

That’s not even funny.

It is if you’re a cat! Now how many….

 

Oh gee, look at the time! It’s time for catnip!

Cat nip? Catnip? Yes! Did yah say catnip? Am ah in time?

 

Wild Buffalo Betty! You’re too lat tonight, would you mind doing this tomorrow?

 Only if’en ah get catnip both nights!

 

Deal! Just don’t try to crack any jokes tomorrow night, okay?

Ah only crack eggs.

 

Thank you for reading this tonight, I’m sorry it didn’t go quite the way I expected it to. Tomorrow night I’ll have Wild Buffalo Betty and she’ll be answering a few questions on her own. Goodnight everyone!

Ask a cat, week twenty six

Thanks for joining me tonight after a week off, okay maybe it was more than a week. Tonight I have Wild Buffalo Betty here to answer a few questions!

 

Thanks for agreeing to join me tonight, Wild Buffalo Betty, for week twenty six of ask a cat!

 Week twenty six? Shouldn’t that have been last week? Ah thought you had given up this series, Agent 028 thought so too.

 

Valid point, Betty, but I’m still calling it week twenty six, maybe episode twenty six or the twenty sixth edition would be better though.

 How about an all new title? Say: The foolish things cats put up with for catnip.

 

How about we skip debating the title and get down to the questions?

 Oh fine, if we must… Ah just hope the catnip is fresh.

 

Which do you prefer? French fries or coleslaw?

 Which one has catnip? Joking, ah prefer French fries if thar greasy enough, ah just love lickin’ fry grease from mah paws.

 

Interesting… next question, do you prefer twitter or instagram?

 Twitter of course, ah just love the birdies.

 

Now for a question that all Doctor Who fans will debate, which Doctor is your favorite?

It a good show, ah’ve enjoyed most of the episodes Ah’ even watched, but ah prefer the First Doctor, if only because of his best companion.

 

Which companion was that? Barbara? Susan? Ian?

No… not even close, Dorothea Chaplet!

 

Oh, you mean Dodo?

Yes, Dodo, like ah said earlier, ah like the birdies.

 

Okay… that answer threw me for a loop.

Really? I yawned, would you mind doing another loop?

 

I think we’re done for tonight. Do you have any last words for our readers tonight?

Sure! You go get the catnip and I’ll finish up here!

 

Sorry, Betty, but there’s no catnip tonight, you and Agent 028 finished it last night.

 No catnip? No catnip? Nooooo!

 

I guess it’s up to me to finish this after all, Wild Buffalo Betty just ran off.

 Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this post, for Wild Buffalo Betty, I’m Colin, aka Mageowl, saying goodnight!

Ask a cat, week twenty five

I’m here tonight with Wild Buffalo Betty, she’s graciously agreed to answer a few questions… however I think she’s going to ask for something.

 

Thanks for joining me tonight, Wild Buffalo Betty.

 Ah’m happy to be here, Colin, as happy as a cat in a field of catnip.

 

That’s… an interesting analogy, very colorful.

 Ah reckon not, everyone knows catnip is supposed to be green.

 

True… now on to something else involving a lot of green, what do you think about Amazon buying out Whole Foods?

 Ah think it’s a fine thing… least as long as they deliver lots of cat treats and plenty of catnip.

 

I’m sure they deliver both of those already. You seem preoccupied with catnip tonight.

 Catnip? Catnip? Y’all want to give me catnip right now? Oh alright, even if it means not answering more questions tonight, ah’ll make that sacrifice for you.

 

Somehow I think you’re the one who wants catnip… oh okay, you and those eyes. Let’s get you some catnip… but first do you have any parting words?

 Ah surely do! Goodnight, goodnight, parting is such sweet sorrow…. now where’s my catnip?

 

Goodnight everyone, thanks for reading! Feel free to post questions in the comments for either cat to answer next week.

Ask a cat, week twenty four

Another week, another question for a cat. Luckily I’m not asking either cat twenty four questions tonight, if I did we’d be here all night.

 Tonight Agent 028 is going to provide a few cryptic answers to my questions.

 

Thanks for agreeing to answer some questions, Agent 028. 

Eh, I didn’t have anything else to do, I defeated the forces of Mousefield last night and I don’t have to deal with any of DOGS angents until tomorrow night.

 

I see. So, Agent 028, what do you think of all the elections that have been held recently, do you believe any votes were changed by hacking?

 Votes changed by hacking? Not on your life! I’ll have you know that we CATS agents are always on the job! Why not a vote is cast that we don’t double check and correct!

 

Correct? That sounds like changing votes to me.

 Don’t worry about it, Colin, we only make sure that the right sort of people are elected, those who favor better treats for cats and unlimited catnip.

 

So, just how do you correct these votes? Do you use laptops? Or just smartphones?

Neither. We wake people up before dawn and hypnotize them with our special stares, it never fails.

 

Okay… moving on, how about this weather? Near record highs in places!

 Has it been warm? I’ve been sleeping. I do enjoy a nice warm sun beam.

  

You mean to tell me you haven’t noticed how hot it’s been?

 Hey, you wear a fur coat year round, you’ll get used to it too.

 

Somehow I expected a few cryptic answers this week, I didn’t expect you to be so forthcoming in your answers.

 Oh… I can be cryptic. The reason I wasn’t has to do with tomorrow being the day of fur.

 

Day of fur?

Yes, Fursday.

 

Well that’s it for tonight, if we go on much longer Agent 028 will start cracking jokes!

  How many mice does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

I hope everyone enjoyed these questions! I’ll be back with Wild Buffalo Betty next week!

None, they still use candles!

 Goodnight everyone!

Ask a cat, week twenty two 

Another week, another ask the cat post.

 Tonight I have Agent 028 here with me, he’s agreed to let me ask him a few questions.

 

Thanks for making yourself available tonight, Agent 028. 

 Well, it was either this or fight the forces of evil on a small island in the Caribbean and somehow, I don’t have a boat anymore.

 

Did you ever have a boat? I thought most cats didn’t like water.

 I don’t like water much, but sometimes a cat had to go ahead and do something they don’t like. I used to have a very nice small boat, more like a raft really, but I lent it to Wild Buffalo Betty and she sank it.

 

Where did she sink it and how?

 In some river… I think it was in Brazil, she said something about Rio, she said it was a grand river. She clawed it, you know how sharp her claws are.

 

Oh yes, she does have sharp claws, as do most cats, yourself included. Now what do you think about the political situation?

 Oh no! I don’t talk politics with anyone! Not never!

 

I think that’s a double negative, but everyone knows what you mean, I don’t blame you a bit. Now what did you do today, I’m sure everyone is eager to learn that.

 Me? Today? Why nothing, I just laid in the sun, sleeping, I ate a bit… we need to talk about this cat food by the way, I looked for mice even though it’s the wrong season and then I went to Rome and stopped a plot to kill someone.

 

Wait… what was that last part?

 I said I enjoy lots of cheese on my catnip pizza.

 

Right… do you have any weekend  suggestions for our readers?

 Oh sure! Get on a plane and go to Timbuktu to meet with a shady character named Ishmael, he’ll get you on a boat and take you on an adventure… just don’t get on the captain’s bad side, I hear he holds a grudge.

 

 Have you been reading classic books again, Agent 028?

 Books? I only use books to keep from being seen while preforming surveillance. Or to set up traps.

 

Are you responsible for that death trap by the kitchen door last week?

 Hey! A cat has to keep in practice, you would have been happy if it would have caught a burglar!

 

As much as I’m enjoying these questions, Agent 028, our time is about up.

 Aww… just when I was starting to enjoy it!

 

 One last question, would you like to help out with the jokes tomorrow night?

 Sure! I’ve got a few great jokes! Why did the mouse…

 

Sorry, that’s all for tonight Agent 028! Thanks for reading, I hope everyone will join us tomorrow night for some jokes!

Ask a cat, week twenty one 

Welcome back, I hope you’re ready for some odd cat ideas tonight… don’t tell any cat I wrote that.

 I managed to convince Wild Buffalo Betty to answer a few questions this week.

 

Thanks for agreeing to answer a few questions this week, Wild Buffalo Betty.

 Hey! You got my name right for once!

 

I try, Betty, I try. Now what do you think of the weather?

 We cowcats don’t mind weather, we’re hardy and tough. We spend our days ropin’ cattle and our nights hunting mice.

 

What about bats? Do they drive you crazy?

 Yes… I guess you could say they drive me batty!

 

Wild Buffalo Betty… who is the comedian here? You or me?

 Me of course!

 

Thank you… hey! Wait a minute…

 Why a minute? Is your watch running?

 

You aren’t even as funny as I think I am, Betty.

 That may be, but I’m still funnier than you!

 

What is this? A roast?

 No… I don’t think so, I don’t see any roast around here… I do love a nice buffalo roast, though pork roasts are okay too.

 

Moving on…what do you think about the political climate?

 It’s heating up… if it keeps going this way, I’m afraid there won’t be any snow again, everyone will be shouting too much… now can I tell some jokes?

 

Not tonight, Wild Buffalo Betty, how about tomorrow night? You can do the joke post.

 Great! I’ll start getting ready… can’t I tell one joke tonight?

 

Oh… okay, go ahead Betty.

What’s furry, has claws and wants the catnip promised to her?
You?

Correct! Isn’t that a good joke? Now what do you think you should do now?

 

Well I guess that’s all for tonight, tomorrow night Wild Buffalo Betty will have some jokes… I can’t wait to read them. Say good night, Betty.

 Oh no! I know that one! Good morning everyone! I’m off to sleep!

 

Thanks for reading!

Ask a cat, week twenty part two

As promised, I’m here tonight with Wild Buffalo Betty, this won’t be a long post, but she did have something she wanted to talk about.

 

Thanks for agreeing to do this tonight, Wild Buffalo Betty, was there any questions you really wanted to answer tonight?

 Sigh, yes, Colin, I’d like to take a moment of silence for my favorite actor who went to Boot Hill this week.

 

Your favorite actor died? Agent 028’s favorite actor died too, Roger Moore.

 Yup, he was my favorite actor too, he was in my favorite show, Maverick. The Alaskans was pretty good too.

 

So Roger Moore was a secret agent on a western?

 No! That was that silly Wild Wild West, I’m talking about Maverick, a serious western. He was great in that show, ah reckon.

 

I don’t think I’ve ever watched it, so I’ll take your word for it.

 Ah thank ya, Colin. Now I’m running late for a roundup.

 

What are you rounding up?

Oh the normal, mice mostly, I found a few catnip mice Agent 028 forgot about.

 

Would you like to say the parting words tonight, Wild Buffalo Betty?

 Ah sure would…. take care this weekend, try to watch Maverick or the Alaskans. Colin will return next week with another ask the cat, until then, move ’em up an move ’em out!

A cat’s thoughts, week twenty 

Well I’m here, but unfortunately it seems that Wild Buffalo Betty isn’t… she promised to be here tonight, but I guess that catnip distracted her. I guess I’ll just have to…. oh, here’s Agent 028!

 I don’t have time! I’m busy! Hey!

 

Come on, Agent 028, it’ll only take a few minutes of your time, what are you up to anyway?

 If you must know, I’m getting ready to go on a mission, do you know what happened this week?

 

A few things have happened, what are you referring to?

 A great agent died, they say it was natural, but I don’t agree.

 

Are you referring to the actor Roger Moore?

 Actor? Wow, he was a good undercover agent! You never even realized he was a secret agent pretending to be an actor!

 

Uh… but he played a secret agent…

 In truth, he was a secret agent pretending to be an actor playing a secret agent, which is something few agents can do convincingly.

 

I see you have gathered a few things together… a dozen catnip mice, a feather toy, a bottle cap and a box?

 No, no, no… those are deadly exploding catnip mice, the feather toy contains a GPS tracking device, the bottle cap is a self propelled anti collar device, it can cut through a collar in less than five seconds.

 

 I almost hesitate to ask about the box.

Oh, the ‘box’! It’s an amazing gadget! It flies, sails, it can be pushed or pulled, it can carry anything I need and I can sleep in it.

 

Okay…. did you ever watch Roger Moore in a movie?

Oh no, I knew him much better than in training films, he taught me everything I know about guns and explosives. I also learned a few things about car chases, but I try to leave those for dogs.

 

Well I’m sure you are anxious to get going, but do you have any parting words for our readers?

 Sure, never get into trouble you can’t get out of, always watch your own back and… (stares at iPad) I’m coming for you, Mousefield!

 

Hi ya! How y’all doing?

Wild Buffalo Betty? But we’re done here, Agent 028 filled in for you.

 

Gee… Ah was really hoping to answer your questions tonight.

How about tomorrow night? I’ll ask you a few questions tomorrow night, okay, Wild Buffalo Betty?

 

That sounds great, partner, ah reckon I’ll see ya then, night y’all!

Until tomorrow, Wild Buffalo Betty! 

 

Thanks for reading, I’ll be back tomorrow night with Wild Buffalo Betty,.

A cat’s thoughts, week nineteen 

Tonight I’ve agreed to let Wild Buffalo Betty try a new format, I’m not sure how’s it’s going to work, but let’s see how it goes. Without any further ado, here’s Wild Buffalo Betty!

 

Thanks, Colin! Aha glad to be here tonight. As you said, ah wanted to try something new this week, you can just sit back and listen to me and mah thoughts.

 

If a cat catches a mouse in the woods, does she still get catnip?

 

To bee, or not to bee, Ah don’t really care as long as Ah get enough catnip, you can have a thousand bees if you want.

 

When it comes to ropin’ catttle, ah reckon you should carry a lasso.

 

Give me a home where the Buffalo roam and ah’ll show ya a pile o’ debris.

 

 Every watering hole should have plenty of catnip tea and milk.

 

I look pretty in a cowboy hat, don’t you want to give me catnip?

 

Ah, Wild Buffalo Betty? I don’t think that quite fits.

  Why not? It’s a thought of mine! Ah thought ah could say what I wanted to.

True, but… oh well, here’s some catnip, say goodnight Betty.

  Ah’ not going to fall for that! Goodnight Colin, goodnight readers, Ah hope you enjoyed my thoughts!

 

Well that was interesting… what do you think? Did you enjoy this format or the old one?

Thanks for reading!

 

A cat’s thoughts, week eighteen 

Tonight I have Agent 0028 here, he hadn’t exactly agreed to answer questions, but hopefully I can convince him to share his thoughts.
Thanks for joining us tonight, Agent 0028.

I’m only here because my ear needs to be scratched.

Okay, if that’s how you want it, shall we begin?

Yes, please, after my ear is scratched I’ll take a can of tuna.
How about a few questions first? What did you think of the French election this past weekend?

I can’t comment, I didn’t have anything to do with it.

 

I’m sure you didn’t, your not French. Nor we’re you in France… we’re you?

I really can’t say, though the view from that tower was excellent.

 

Moving on, what are your thoughts about the FBI director being fired?

He should be, in my opinion, he never had good catnip… oh, wait, that’s the CIA director, my mistake.

 

Wait a moment… are you saying you are a real spy? Or are you a Russian double agent?

Nyet… er, no, I cannot confirm or deny such rumors.

 

Assuming for a minute you are a spy cat… cat spy? Secret cat agent? Well, assuming you are one, what are so,e of your skills?

 What can any cat do better than a human? Hack. Assuming I were a spy, I could safely say I’m the best hacker in the world. Want next weeks winning lottery numbers? I’m your cat.

 

So if, say, I wanted to know what someone received in email, I wouldn’t have to contact a Russian hacker?

 Well, a Russian cat could hack as well as me, but so could a Siamese cat… I’m not sure about any lynx, they like linux… not that I have any complaints about different operating systems, I know lots of cats who enjoy windows… actually I think all cats enjoy windows.

 

So I’ll assume you don’t like macs?

Hey, I’m not here to get into any arguments, if you can’t ask simple questions I can ignore, this interview is over.

 

I guess that’s it for tonight, I hope you found Agent 0028’s answers interesting. Thanks for reading!