Ask a cat, week thirty

Another week, another post with crazy answers by cats.
Tonight I have Agent 028 here answering questions. Hopefully he’ll have some good answers to my questions tonight.

Thanks for joining me tonight, Agent 028!
It wasn’t my idea, but between Wild Buffalo Betty and my bosses who think these posts are good publicity, I had no choice.

First off, have you had any interesting adventures this past week?
I did, several in fact, but I can’t tell you about them, they have been classified top secret. I can tell you about the twelve hours I spent staring under the cupboard if you’d like.

That’s okay, Agent 028, I wouldn’t want you to give up any trade secrets. I was wondering if you could tell me who catches more mice, you or Wild Buffalo Betty?
Well… that’s an interesting question. I could catch more, but since I’m so busy saving the world… er, you know I meant sleeping there. Anyway, I let Wild Buffalo Betty catch most of them since she raises them.

I’ve heard of Betty’s hobby, as have most people reading this post. Tell me, if ranching mice is such a great hobby like Betty claims, why didn’t you get involved in it?
Me? Raise mice? I like to catch them and play with them, I wouldn’t be seen on a mouse ranch!

Moving on from mice… what do you think about the political situation?
I think it means I’ll be very busy… er… sleeping. Yes, that’s it! I’m tired of it!

I think most people are tired of hearing about nothing but politics. What would you like to discuss next?
Um… I guess I’ll have to act like Wild Buffalo Betty here and say… catnip!

Ah yes, the go to topic for cats! Do you prefer your catnip fresh or dried?
It comes fresh? I think I’ll stay with dried, it sounds easier to roll in.

Do you prefer catnip mice or just a pile of catnip?
As Wild Buffalo Betty would say: Both! Now!

I shouldn’t have started talking about catnip before I was ready to end this post, huh?
There is no better time to have catnip. Seize the day, seize the catnip, or so I always say!

Okay! Okay! Before we go, do you have anything else to say to the readers tonight?
I do, actually… never let yourself get dragged into answering questions unless you know you can get catnip out of it. Goodnight everyone! Come back n, Colin! Let’s go!

That’s our post for tonight… just a moment, Agent 028! If you want a cat to answer a question of your choosing, leave it in the comments! Thanks for reading!

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Ask a cat, week twenty nine

It's time for another ask the Cat post! Joining me tonight is that sweetheart of cats, Wild Buffalo Betty! Thanks for joining me tonight, Betty!
You're welcome, Colin, Ah hope you brought plenty of catnip!"

Plenty for most cats, however you really enjoy it, so we'll have to wait and see.
Do we have to wait very long?

You have to wait until this post is finished, Betty, don't get impatient.
Thanks for the questions, Colin! Ah enjoyed this post! Goodnight everyone!

Not so fast, Wild Buffalo Betty! You haven't answered any questions yet!
Are you sure? Ah think Ah must have!

I'm sure, Betty, I keep track. For your first question: do you prefer catnip or mice?
Ah like mah mice made of catnip. Ah like either of them separate sure, but combine them and its even better!

Good choice, I'm sure most people reading this post would agree that catnip mice are easier to deal with. Are catnip mice what you have on your mouse ranch?
Oh no! Ah have all sorts of mice on my ranch! Ah raise racing mice mostly.

Racing mice?
Sure! Ah hate the easy to catch ones, so Ah raise ones that are faster and harder to catch.

Is that why you and Agent 028 spend o much time hunting under cabinets?
A'yup! These mice here ain't ordinary mice, these are champions!

Okay… I don't know about the readers, but I've had enough mouse talk tonight. Moving on, I'm sure many people are wondering just how many naps you take in a day.
All of them, Colin, all of them.

Great answer, Betty! Great answer!
Why, what other kind of answer is there? Ain't ah a pretty kitty?

Yes you are Betty. Now what do you think about the political situation?
Ah think Ah might have to issue stronger sanctions if'en you don't tell me this post is about finished.

Just what kind of sanctions?
Right now, ah'm easy going, Ah'll just keep your feet hot tonight, if Ah issue stronger sanctions, Ah'll add a few claws at the moment you doze off.

Well there you have it, folks! Wild Buffalo Betty has answered all my questions tonight! Any parting words for our readers, Betty?
Yes… in those immortal words, give me catnip or scratch mah ear! Ah'm sure ah'll be back in a few posts, hopefully ah'll be answering better questions!

Thanks for reading, if you have any questions you'd like to have asked to a cat, just leave them in the comments,

Ask a cat, week twenty seven, part two

Thanks for joining me again tonight. Yes, this post was supposed to be made last night, however things changed. Anyway the catnip is hidden, Agent 028 is somewhere else, probably saving the world and Wild Buffalo Betty is here to answer a few questions as only she can.

 

Thank you for agreeing to come back and answer a few questions tonight, Betty.

 Sure thing, ah'm happy to oblige… there will be catnip when this is over, right?'

 

First question of the night1 Have you ever read Game of Thrones?

 No, ah'm not into bathroom humor.  What about the catnip?

 

Okay… next question… what is your favorite book?

 That's. Easy! To catch a mocking bird! I love that title!

 

Really? What else do you like about the book?

Ah'm not sure… it is a cookin' book, ain't it?

 

No, Betty… it's not a cook book, it's a book about… well I don't have the time or space to go into. It here.

 That's okay, Colin. Ah still like the title.

 

I'm sure many people are wondering how your mouse ranch is going.

It's goin' fine! Ah just installed carpet! Mouse to mouse carpet!

 

When did you buy a car?

What?

 

You said you got a car as a pet.

Carpet… car pet…. yee gads! Are you trying to be funny? Ah'm out of here!

 

Wait, Wild Buffalo Betty! Don't you want catnip?

 Dang it! Ah do want catnip… but ah ain't answering any more o' your questions!

 

I guess that's it for tonight. I want to thank Wild Buffalo Betty for answering those questions tonight.

 I hope you enjoyed this post, thank you for reading!

Ask a cat, week twenty seven

It’s that time of the week again, time to ask a cat some questions! I have a few good questions this week, hopefully I’ll get a chance to ask them, but wth these cats, they know how to change the topic. I hope you enjoy!

 

Agent 028? Where’s Wild Buffalo Betty? I thought you were both going to be here tonight?

 We were, but I’m here early, I’m retired now.

 

You’re retired? You gave up being a secret agent?

 No… not that i ever was one.

 

Than why did you say you’re retired?

Well, I was tired yesterday, I slept for maybe eighteen hours or so, then I spent all day hunting and playing, now I’m tired again, so I’m retired.

 

Oh, I see… you’re pulling your bad comedian act on my blog again!

 Thank you very much, ladies and germs!

 

“I think we should change topics now, Agent 028.

 I almost flew in today, but I didn’t have any wings! I ate them!

 

Agent 0281 How do you disarm a mouse?

You take away his guns! Har har!

 

Are you finally ready to be serious?

Not yet! Why did the chicken cross the road?

 

To get to the other side?

To get away from a hungry cat!

 

That’s not even funny.

It is if you’re a cat! Now how many….

 

Oh gee, look at the time! It’s time for catnip!

Cat nip? Catnip? Yes! Did yah say catnip? Am ah in time?

 

Wild Buffalo Betty! You’re too lat tonight, would you mind doing this tomorrow?

 Only if’en ah get catnip both nights!

 

Deal! Just don’t try to crack any jokes tomorrow night, okay?

Ah only crack eggs.

 

Thank you for reading this tonight, I’m sorry it didn’t go quite the way I expected it to. Tomorrow night I’ll have Wild Buffalo Betty and she’ll be answering a few questions on her own. Goodnight everyone!

Ask a cat, week twenty six

Thanks for joining me tonight after a week off, okay maybe it was more than a week. Tonight I have Wild Buffalo Betty here to answer a few questions!

 

Thanks for agreeing to join me tonight, Wild Buffalo Betty, for week twenty six of ask a cat!

 Week twenty six? Shouldn’t that have been last week? Ah thought you had given up this series, Agent 028 thought so too.

 

Valid point, Betty, but I’m still calling it week twenty six, maybe episode twenty six or the twenty sixth edition would be better though.

 How about an all new title? Say: The foolish things cats put up with for catnip.

 

How about we skip debating the title and get down to the questions?

 Oh fine, if we must… Ah just hope the catnip is fresh.

 

Which do you prefer? French fries or coleslaw?

 Which one has catnip? Joking, ah prefer French fries if thar greasy enough, ah just love lickin’ fry grease from mah paws.

 

Interesting… next question, do you prefer twitter or instagram?

 Twitter of course, ah just love the birdies.

 

Now for a question that all Doctor Who fans will debate, which Doctor is your favorite?

It a good show, ah’ve enjoyed most of the episodes Ah’ even watched, but ah prefer the First Doctor, if only because of his best companion.

 

Which companion was that? Barbara? Susan? Ian?

No… not even close, Dorothea Chaplet!

 

Oh, you mean Dodo?

Yes, Dodo, like ah said earlier, ah like the birdies.

 

Okay… that answer threw me for a loop.

Really? I yawned, would you mind doing another loop?

 

I think we’re done for tonight. Do you have any last words for our readers tonight?

Sure! You go get the catnip and I’ll finish up here!

 

Sorry, Betty, but there’s no catnip tonight, you and Agent 028 finished it last night.

 No catnip? No catnip? Nooooo!

 

I guess it’s up to me to finish this after all, Wild Buffalo Betty just ran off.

 Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this post, for Wild Buffalo Betty, I’m Colin, aka Mageowl, saying goodnight!

Ask a cat, week twenty five

I’m here tonight with Wild Buffalo Betty, she’s graciously agreed to answer a few questions… however I think she’s going to ask for something.

 

Thanks for joining me tonight, Wild Buffalo Betty.

 Ah’m happy to be here, Colin, as happy as a cat in a field of catnip.

 

That’s… an interesting analogy, very colorful.

 Ah reckon not, everyone knows catnip is supposed to be green.

 

True… now on to something else involving a lot of green, what do you think about Amazon buying out Whole Foods?

 Ah think it’s a fine thing… least as long as they deliver lots of cat treats and plenty of catnip.

 

I’m sure they deliver both of those already. You seem preoccupied with catnip tonight.

 Catnip? Catnip? Y’all want to give me catnip right now? Oh alright, even if it means not answering more questions tonight, ah’ll make that sacrifice for you.

 

Somehow I think you’re the one who wants catnip… oh okay, you and those eyes. Let’s get you some catnip… but first do you have any parting words?

 Ah surely do! Goodnight, goodnight, parting is such sweet sorrow…. now where’s my catnip?

 

Goodnight everyone, thanks for reading! Feel free to post questions in the comments for either cat to answer next week.

Ask a cat, week twenty four

Another week, another question for a cat. Luckily I’m not asking either cat twenty four questions tonight, if I did we’d be here all night.

 Tonight Agent 028 is going to provide a few cryptic answers to my questions.

 

Thanks for agreeing to answer some questions, Agent 028. 

Eh, I didn’t have anything else to do, I defeated the forces of Mousefield last night and I don’t have to deal with any of DOGS angents until tomorrow night.

 

I see. So, Agent 028, what do you think of all the elections that have been held recently, do you believe any votes were changed by hacking?

 Votes changed by hacking? Not on your life! I’ll have you know that we CATS agents are always on the job! Why not a vote is cast that we don’t double check and correct!

 

Correct? That sounds like changing votes to me.

 Don’t worry about it, Colin, we only make sure that the right sort of people are elected, those who favor better treats for cats and unlimited catnip.

 

So, just how do you correct these votes? Do you use laptops? Or just smartphones?

Neither. We wake people up before dawn and hypnotize them with our special stares, it never fails.

 

Okay… moving on, how about this weather? Near record highs in places!

 Has it been warm? I’ve been sleeping. I do enjoy a nice warm sun beam.

  

You mean to tell me you haven’t noticed how hot it’s been?

 Hey, you wear a fur coat year round, you’ll get used to it too.

 

Somehow I expected a few cryptic answers this week, I didn’t expect you to be so forthcoming in your answers.

 Oh… I can be cryptic. The reason I wasn’t has to do with tomorrow being the day of fur.

 

Day of fur?

Yes, Fursday.

 

Well that’s it for tonight, if we go on much longer Agent 028 will start cracking jokes!

  How many mice does it take to change a lightbulb?

 

I hope everyone enjoyed these questions! I’ll be back with Wild Buffalo Betty next week!

None, they still use candles!

 Goodnight everyone!

Ask a cat, week twenty two 

Another week, another ask the cat post.

 Tonight I have Agent 028 here with me, he’s agreed to let me ask him a few questions.

 

Thanks for making yourself available tonight, Agent 028. 

 Well, it was either this or fight the forces of evil on a small island in the Caribbean and somehow, I don’t have a boat anymore.

 

Did you ever have a boat? I thought most cats didn’t like water.

 I don’t like water much, but sometimes a cat had to go ahead and do something they don’t like. I used to have a very nice small boat, more like a raft really, but I lent it to Wild Buffalo Betty and she sank it.

 

Where did she sink it and how?

 In some river… I think it was in Brazil, she said something about Rio, she said it was a grand river. She clawed it, you know how sharp her claws are.

 

Oh yes, she does have sharp claws, as do most cats, yourself included. Now what do you think about the political situation?

 Oh no! I don’t talk politics with anyone! Not never!

 

I think that’s a double negative, but everyone knows what you mean, I don’t blame you a bit. Now what did you do today, I’m sure everyone is eager to learn that.

 Me? Today? Why nothing, I just laid in the sun, sleeping, I ate a bit… we need to talk about this cat food by the way, I looked for mice even though it’s the wrong season and then I went to Rome and stopped a plot to kill someone.

 

Wait… what was that last part?

 I said I enjoy lots of cheese on my catnip pizza.

 

Right… do you have any weekend  suggestions for our readers?

 Oh sure! Get on a plane and go to Timbuktu to meet with a shady character named Ishmael, he’ll get you on a boat and take you on an adventure… just don’t get on the captain’s bad side, I hear he holds a grudge.

 

 Have you been reading classic books again, Agent 028?

 Books? I only use books to keep from being seen while preforming surveillance. Or to set up traps.

 

Are you responsible for that death trap by the kitchen door last week?

 Hey! A cat has to keep in practice, you would have been happy if it would have caught a burglar!

 

As much as I’m enjoying these questions, Agent 028, our time is about up.

 Aww… just when I was starting to enjoy it!

 

 One last question, would you like to help out with the jokes tomorrow night?

 Sure! I’ve got a few great jokes! Why did the mouse…

 

Sorry, that’s all for tonight Agent 028! Thanks for reading, I hope everyone will join us tomorrow night for some jokes!

Ask a cat, week twenty one 

Welcome back, I hope you’re ready for some odd cat ideas tonight… don’t tell any cat I wrote that.

 I managed to convince Wild Buffalo Betty to answer a few questions this week.

 

Thanks for agreeing to answer a few questions this week, Wild Buffalo Betty.

 Hey! You got my name right for once!

 

I try, Betty, I try. Now what do you think of the weather?

 We cowcats don’t mind weather, we’re hardy and tough. We spend our days ropin’ cattle and our nights hunting mice.

 

What about bats? Do they drive you crazy?

 Yes… I guess you could say they drive me batty!

 

Wild Buffalo Betty… who is the comedian here? You or me?

 Me of course!

 

Thank you… hey! Wait a minute…

 Why a minute? Is your watch running?

 

You aren’t even as funny as I think I am, Betty.

 That may be, but I’m still funnier than you!

 

What is this? A roast?

 No… I don’t think so, I don’t see any roast around here… I do love a nice buffalo roast, though pork roasts are okay too.

 

Moving on…what do you think about the political climate?

 It’s heating up… if it keeps going this way, I’m afraid there won’t be any snow again, everyone will be shouting too much… now can I tell some jokes?

 

Not tonight, Wild Buffalo Betty, how about tomorrow night? You can do the joke post.

 Great! I’ll start getting ready… can’t I tell one joke tonight?

 

Oh… okay, go ahead Betty.

What’s furry, has claws and wants the catnip promised to her?
You?

Correct! Isn’t that a good joke? Now what do you think you should do now?

 

Well I guess that’s all for tonight, tomorrow night Wild Buffalo Betty will have some jokes… I can’t wait to read them. Say good night, Betty.

 Oh no! I know that one! Good morning everyone! I’m off to sleep!

 

Thanks for reading!

Ask a cat, week twenty part two

As promised, I’m here tonight with Wild Buffalo Betty, this won’t be a long post, but she did have something she wanted to talk about.

 

Thanks for agreeing to do this tonight, Wild Buffalo Betty, was there any questions you really wanted to answer tonight?

 Sigh, yes, Colin, I’d like to take a moment of silence for my favorite actor who went to Boot Hill this week.

 

Your favorite actor died? Agent 028’s favorite actor died too, Roger Moore.

 Yup, he was my favorite actor too, he was in my favorite show, Maverick. The Alaskans was pretty good too.

 

So Roger Moore was a secret agent on a western?

 No! That was that silly Wild Wild West, I’m talking about Maverick, a serious western. He was great in that show, ah reckon.

 

I don’t think I’ve ever watched it, so I’ll take your word for it.

 Ah thank ya, Colin. Now I’m running late for a roundup.

 

What are you rounding up?

Oh the normal, mice mostly, I found a few catnip mice Agent 028 forgot about.

 

Would you like to say the parting words tonight, Wild Buffalo Betty?

 Ah sure would…. take care this weekend, try to watch Maverick or the Alaskans. Colin will return next week with another ask the cat, until then, move ’em up an move ’em out!