A cat’s thoughts, week twenty 

Well I’m here, but unfortunately it seems that Wild Buffalo Betty isn’t… she promised to be here tonight, but I guess that catnip distracted her. I guess I’ll just have to…. oh, here’s Agent 028!

 I don’t have time! I’m busy! Hey!

 

Come on, Agent 028, it’ll only take a few minutes of your time, what are you up to anyway?

 If you must know, I’m getting ready to go on a mission, do you know what happened this week?

 

A few things have happened, what are you referring to?

 A great agent died, they say it was natural, but I don’t agree.

 

Are you referring to the actor Roger Moore?

 Actor? Wow, he was a good undercover agent! You never even realized he was a secret agent pretending to be an actor!

 

Uh… but he played a secret agent…

 In truth, he was a secret agent pretending to be an actor playing a secret agent, which is something few agents can do convincingly.

 

I see you have gathered a few things together… a dozen catnip mice, a feather toy, a bottle cap and a box?

 No, no, no… those are deadly exploding catnip mice, the feather toy contains a GPS tracking device, the bottle cap is a self propelled anti collar device, it can cut through a collar in less than five seconds.

 

 I almost hesitate to ask about the box.

Oh, the ‘box’! It’s an amazing gadget! It flies, sails, it can be pushed or pulled, it can carry anything I need and I can sleep in it.

 

Okay…. did you ever watch Roger Moore in a movie?

Oh no, I knew him much better than in training films, he taught me everything I know about guns and explosives. I also learned a few things about car chases, but I try to leave those for dogs.

 

Well I’m sure you are anxious to get going, but do you have any parting words for our readers?

 Sure, never get into trouble you can’t get out of, always watch your own back and… (stares at iPad) I’m coming for you, Mousefield!

 

Hi ya! How y’all doing?

Wild Buffalo Betty? But we’re done here, Agent 028 filled in for you.

 

Gee… Ah was really hoping to answer your questions tonight.

How about tomorrow night? I’ll ask you a few questions tomorrow night, okay, Wild Buffalo Betty?

 

That sounds great, partner, ah reckon I’ll see ya then, night y’all!

Until tomorrow, Wild Buffalo Betty! 

 

Thanks for reading, I’ll be back tomorrow night with Wild Buffalo Betty,.

A cat’s thoughts, week nineteen 

Tonight I’ve agreed to let Wild Buffalo Betty try a new format, I’m not sure how’s it’s going to work, but let’s see how it goes. Without any further ado, here’s Wild Buffalo Betty!

 

Thanks, Colin! Aha glad to be here tonight. As you said, ah wanted to try something new this week, you can just sit back and listen to me and mah thoughts.

 

If a cat catches a mouse in the woods, does she still get catnip?

 

To bee, or not to bee, Ah don’t really care as long as Ah get enough catnip, you can have a thousand bees if you want.

 

When it comes to ropin’ catttle, ah reckon you should carry a lasso.

 

Give me a home where the Buffalo roam and ah’ll show ya a pile o’ debris.

 

 Every watering hole should have plenty of catnip tea and milk.

 

I look pretty in a cowboy hat, don’t you want to give me catnip?

 

Ah, Wild Buffalo Betty? I don’t think that quite fits.

  Why not? It’s a thought of mine! Ah thought ah could say what I wanted to.

True, but… oh well, here’s some catnip, say goodnight Betty.

  Ah’ not going to fall for that! Goodnight Colin, goodnight readers, Ah hope you enjoyed my thoughts!

 

Well that was interesting… what do you think? Did you enjoy this format or the old one?

Thanks for reading!

 

A cat’s thoughts, week eighteen 

Tonight I have Agent 0028 here, he hadn’t exactly agreed to answer questions, but hopefully I can convince him to share his thoughts.
Thanks for joining us tonight, Agent 0028.

I’m only here because my ear needs to be scratched.

Okay, if that’s how you want it, shall we begin?

Yes, please, after my ear is scratched I’ll take a can of tuna.
How about a few questions first? What did you think of the French election this past weekend?

I can’t comment, I didn’t have anything to do with it.

 

I’m sure you didn’t, your not French. Nor we’re you in France… we’re you?

I really can’t say, though the view from that tower was excellent.

 

Moving on, what are your thoughts about the FBI director being fired?

He should be, in my opinion, he never had good catnip… oh, wait, that’s the CIA director, my mistake.

 

Wait a moment… are you saying you are a real spy? Or are you a Russian double agent?

Nyet… er, no, I cannot confirm or deny such rumors.

 

Assuming for a minute you are a spy cat… cat spy? Secret cat agent? Well, assuming you are one, what are so,e of your skills?

 What can any cat do better than a human? Hack. Assuming I were a spy, I could safely say I’m the best hacker in the world. Want next weeks winning lottery numbers? I’m your cat.

 

So if, say, I wanted to know what someone received in email, I wouldn’t have to contact a Russian hacker?

 Well, a Russian cat could hack as well as me, but so could a Siamese cat… I’m not sure about any lynx, they like linux… not that I have any complaints about different operating systems, I know lots of cats who enjoy windows… actually I think all cats enjoy windows.

 

So I’ll assume you don’t like macs?

Hey, I’m not here to get into any arguments, if you can’t ask simple questions I can ignore, this interview is over.

 

I guess that’s it for tonight, I hope you found Agent 0028’s answers interesting. Thanks for reading!

Cats thoughts, week fifteen

Ask the cat’s
Since I didn’t have an ask the cat post last week, tonight I’m not having one cat, but both of them! Wild Buffalo Betty and Agent 0028! This should be an interesting post.
First off I’d like to thank both of you for coming.

WBB: I’m always happy if there is enough catnip involved.

0028: I’m only here because I’m hiding from my arch enemy.

 

What do you think about the start of baseball season?

WWB: I’d rather talk about John Wayne.

0028: I don’t have time for sports… are the Dodgers still playing at Ebbits field?

 

Okay… let’s talk about movies instead, Wild Buffalo Betty loves westerns, what is your favorite movie, 0028?

0028: I prefer spy movies, they give good tips. As for my favorite, I’m not at liberty to say.

WBB: Westerns give better tips! No spy is faster than a lasso!

 

What do you think about air travel after the recent ejection of a passenger?

WBB: westerns are right, always take a train or a stagecoach in a pinch.

0028: I’ll have to disagree with Wild Buffalo Betty, any good spy has to be ready to fight for his seat, just watch any spy movie.

 

Do you think that the Rockies will have a good group of pitchers by June?

0028: if one of them is broken, it was Wild Buffalo Betty, not me!

WBB: You’re talking baseball again, aren’t you? Do you think I’d look good in a cowboy hat?

 

I’m sure you’d look great, Betty.

0028: sure, why not? Just choose a white hat, everyone knows bad guys where black cowboy hates.

WBB: there are always a few exceptions to that rule… but I thought maybe a green one instead.

(Third cat appears and chimes up): green is for bonnets, like Robin Hood!

 

Who are you? I’ve never seen you before!

WBB: oh good! A new cat, do you like westerns?

0028: You’re a spy! Were you sent by FURBALL?

Third cat: you’ll find out about me in time… got any catnip?

 

Well it looks like things are gong to be interesting here. Do any of you have any parting words for the readers?

0028: Always watch your back, spies are everywhere! Oh, bring catnip next week, would ya?

WBB: move ‘me up and move ’em out, pilgrim… and scratch my ears?

Third cat: Friends, country cats, lend me your paws, one for all and all for one! 

 

Well that was interesting. Thanks for reading!

A cat’s thoughts, week fourteen 

Tonight I’m joined by… no cat, actually, they both said they had their fill dong an extra post over the weekend, so I’m going to try to make you forget that there isn’t a cat, please bear with me.
I’m here with no cat. How are you tonight?

… cricket… cricket….

 

Hmmm? Oh, cat got your tongue , eh?

…. cricket…cricket…

 

Well you are a cat, or at least you normally would be. So, what are your thoughts about the political situation?

… glare…. cricket… sticks out tongue.

 

I’m sure almost everyone shares that opinion. Do you expect it to get any better soon?

… stares in disbelief….

 

I’m afraid that’s the general consensus. Turning to other matters, if you could have dinner with one person, er, cat I suppose, who would it be?

… cricket… glare….

 

Ah, of course, you wouldn’t want to share your dinner, sensible answer. Baseball season has just started, are you excited?

YES! Yes! Go Rockies! Strike the bums out! Let’s win some games! Hey, who’s on first this year?

 

Oh look, we have a ghost cat that’s fond of baseball and Abbot and Costello.

Are the Dodgers in Brooklyn again? How about the Giants?

  

I’m afraid we’re out of time for tonight, but with any luck, we’ll have this baseball loving ghost cat back in a few weeks. Any parting words?

 Yes! It’s a shame if the home team doesn’t win.

 

Thanks for reading! Feel free to ask any of the cats a question in the comments below.

A cat’s thoughts, week thirteen 

Wild Buffalo Betty is joining us again this week, let’s hear what she hasto say.

Thanks for joining me this week, Betty. What were you up to last week?

Sigh, it’s Wild Buffalo Betty, remember? Last week, let me think… oh yes, Ah was cleaning up after St. Patrick’s day.

 

Cleaning up? Did you have a party? Where was my invitation?

No party, Ah was just washing the mice on my mouse ranch, if you remember ah had a bunch of them who were green… Ah thought they were just in the holiday spirit, but ah guess they got into the food coloring instead.

 

I see. Okay, what have you been up to this week so far?

This week? I’ve been sleeping mostly, plus playing of course, what cat doesn’t like to play games and chase things?

 

Good point. Moving on, what is your take on Brexit?

Ah didn’t do it, honest! Ah didn’t knock over that lamp! It was, uh, a stampede! Yeah, that’s what it was! Them dang cattle stampeded in the middle of the night and knocked the lamp over!

 

I’m talking about Brexit, you know, the U.K. leaving the EU? Thanks for telling me about the lamp by the way.

 Oh… uh, ah reckon it were gunfighters.

  

Gunfighters?

A yup, in all the movies ah watch, whenever someone leaves town or pulls up stakes and leaves their homestead, it’s almost always on account of gunfighters running them off.

 

I’m speechless, Wild Buffalo Betty.

It’s about time too, ah reckon. Now maybe ah can have some peace and quiet to watch Winchester 73, it’s a favorite movie of mine, great gun battles, gunfightin’ and lots more! Want to watch it with me?

 

Sounds like a plan, Wild Buffalo Betty! I’ll get the popcorn.

Popcorn? Bleh! Bring the catnip for me! I’ll finish up here.

 

Now ah reckon it’s time to say a few last words, partner. Ah gotta wrap this thing up and figure out this here DVD player before he gets back with the catnip. Ah hope y’all have a great rest o’ the week and ah know Colin will be back next week with more questions to be askin’ one o’ us cats.

 Thank y’all for readin’ this here post. Yee ha!

A cat’s thoughts, week twelve

Wild Buffalo Betty couldn’t join us this week, so we’re going to talk to the other day, who we are still trying to find out more about, including his name. 

Thanks for joining me this week, do you have anything to share with us before we begin with the questions?

You’ll never get any answers! I’ve been trained to resist… er, I mean, not really, I’ve just had a nice week sleeping and meowing.

 

Really? Where? I can never find you.

I’d like to tell you, but I’m afraid I can’t, otherwise I’d have to make you vanish and take over your life so no one was any wiser. You aren’t going to put that in the post, are you? Just say my answer is meow.

 

Okay… moving on, it seems like you’re trying not to say you’re engaged in some kind of clandestine affairs. You might be the right person to ask about wiretapping.

 Oh I don’t like wire tapping, I much prefer string pouncing. What, you thought I might say meow?

 

Really? What about yarn or toys with feathers?

Those are great too! Balls of yarn, if they are wound tightly enough, can be used to deflect blame on to dogs, after all, we cats look harmless when we play with a ball of yarn. Meow!

 

And you can also use them to trip people, right?

 Trip, capture, heck, it can even be used to extract catnip from you humans. I mean… meow?

 

I assume that when to set up traps with yarn and toys, you have some kind of plan?

Oh yes, I just love practicing setting up my yarn defenses … er, playing with yarn I mean… meow?

 

What do you think about the latest hacking claims?

 I never stole anyone’s email! Er, I mean… It was Wild Buffalo Betty! Er, meow?
I hate to cut this short, but I’m out of questions, do you have any parting words?

 I hate this part, um… meow?
There you have it, the answer for everything is meow.

Thanks for reading!

A cat’s thoughts, week eleven 

We’re here tonight with Wild Buffalo Betty. 

 Thanks for agreeing to answer some more questions, Betty. Sigh, Wild Buffalo Betty, if’n you don’t mind. I don’t mind answering your questions, but I reckon most of them are gonna be odd again.

 

You’ve got that right! I love odd questions and I love your answers. Did you know it’s the ides of March right now?

Really? I had no ide-ea.

 

Ha ha. Really, this is the time of March Julius Caesar was warned about.

Oh? Did something bad happen to him?

 

He was killed…

That was a bad thing, how did it happen?

 

A bunch of people, including Brutus stabbed him, as he died he uttered the immortal words, “Et tu, Brute”

I’d think there’d be a better set of words, like those spoken in an action move, say I’ll be…

 

Don’t get me in any trouble, Betty… er, Wild Buffalo Betty. Besides,  Julius Caesar’s words have become famous. Besides, I thought you only liked westerns.

I do! But every now and then, I like to watch something else with more action. This Caesar dude wouldn’t have had to worry if he was more like John Wayne.

 

True, he would have just said something like ‘it’s just a scratch, pilgrim.’

Yee ha! Move ’em up and move ’em out! Wagons ho!

 

I think we’re getting off track, Betty. Let’s talk about St. Patrick’s day, its on Friday.

 Oh I just love St. Patrick’s day! That’s the green holiday, right?

  

Yes, you could call it that. What are you planning for St. Patrick’s day?

Well, I’ve been busy this week, I’ve been feeding the mice on my mouse ranch maize and giving them lots of baths!

 

Maize. Baths? Care to explain? Hey! Since when do you have a mouse ranch?

Yes, maize, how else do you expect me to have corned mice? My mice are all nice and green too.

 

Green corned mice… I think we need to have a long talk, Betty, soon too.

I’m hoping for a nice saucer of catnip tea too… no mint ice cream though, I know that’s what you like.

 

Wild Buffalo Betty, I need to know, where is this mouse ranch of yours? Is it in the kitchen? The basement?

 Oh, gee! Look at the time, we’ve got to wrap this post up! Got anything else to say, human? Or would you just like to rub my belly?

 

That’s it for tonight… hopefully Wild Buffalo Betty will share some more details about this ranch of hers soon.

If you have any questions you’d like to be answered by a cat, leave it in the comments and it might be answered next week.

Thanks for reading!

A cat’s thoughts, week ten

It’s time to ask a cat a few questions, this week I have the normal cat with me, he’s agreed to answer a few questions.

 Thanks for joining us this week, where is Wild Buffalo Betty anyway?

She… she had other things to do tonight, I told her there was a mouse under the chair.

 

Is there one?

Of course not! I just wanted her out of my fur, she was trying to teach me to use a lasso!

 

That’s… odd, but sounds like something she’d do. Are you ready for a few questions?

I’m ready, fire at will!

  

Who is Will? He must have a great bulletproof vest.

(Cat stares in annoyance before replying) I’m here to answer questions, not to hear jokes. Try again or I’ll call you Will!

 

Okay, this is real. Did you hear about the alligator that was found in a Florida pool?

Really? So why do people wonder why cats don’t like to swim?

 

What do you think about the town in England, Rochdale, that is trying to ban swearing among other things?

Dang it! I didn’t think I’ve have to answer questions like this tonight! #%@&$ $@&#%!

 

You’ve been reading comic books lately, I assume?

I’ve glanced at a few, mostly right before a nap… or right before I pounced on them.

 

I hope you don’t use your claws on the comic books.

Me? Use my claws on something you like? Don’t be ridiculous! Wild Buffalo Betty is the one who did that… you didn’t see it happen after all, did you?

 

On to other topics, can you tell the readers something about yourself?

Me? Talk about myself? No. no, I cannot tell you anything about myself, if I did, I’d have to kill you.

 

You’re talking like a spy!

No comment… hey! We’re out of time tonight! That’s all the catnip folks! Enjoy your week!

 

Well it doesn’t seem like this cat is willing to talk about himself, at least not this week.

 Thanks for reading!

Have a question for either cat? Ask them in the comments and they might be answered in next week’s post.

A cat’s thoughts, week nine

It’s time to ask a cat a few questions,  tonight I have Wild Buffalo Betty ready and willing to answer a few questions… if she can stay awake that is.
—————–

 

Wild Buffalo Betty? Wake up, it’s time to answer a few questions.

Now? But I was dreaming I was ropin’ some mice on the lone prairie.

 

I’m sorry Wild Buffalo Betty, but some people want to hear from you.

Oh okay, but one day soon I’m going to go somewhere the deer and buffalo roam… that’s right, I’m gong to get me a home on the range.

 

I don’t think that’s a good idea, Wild Buffalo Betty, there’s too many pots and pans on the range.

 Not that range! The open range!

 

If the range door is left open, I tend to bang my knee against it in the dark.

No! No! No! Don’t you know the old song? Give me a home, etc?

 

You want me to trade you a house for a song? That seems a bit expensive for a song.

Oh! You’re trying to be funny! Either that, or you just want to annoy me.

 

Me? Annoy you? Who thinks feet are a nice bed in the middle of the night?

Hey! I don’t like feet, but you put them where I want to sleep, the fact that I didn’t want that spot to sleep on until you moved is not my fault.

  

I think we’ve gotten a bit off topic tonight.

I agree… I’ll answer one question before I demand catnip and go back to sleep.

 

One question, eh? Okay, how much wood…

Goodnight!

 

Goodnight Wild Buffalo Betty, sleep well, I’m sure everyone will be waiting with baited breath to hear from you next time.

 Fish? The people reading this are fishing? Tell them to send me some and I’ll talk more.

 

There you have it… Wild Buffalo Betty dreams about roping mice on the open range… er, prairie.

Thanks for reading, feel free to ask Wild Buffalo Betty a question in the comments.