Jokes for February 16th

Hi y’all, it’s Wild Buffalo Betty here, I thought I’d sneak in tonight a change the jokes in this here post. These joke are really funny, I’m sure y’all will agree.
 

Why did the cat reluctantly chase a mouse across the street?

Because it really wanted to chase a chicken.

 

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because I was chasing it!

 

What happens when a cat steals some shut eye?

It catnaps it!

 

Why didn’t the cat catch a moth?

Because it wanted a fly!

 

What does a cat call a large patch of catnip plants?

A field of dreams!

 

Ah reckon I could keep going all night, but I think I can hear that guy coming, he won’t be happy seeing what I did. See y’all at the next ro-dae-o!

A cat’s thoughts, week 7

Thanks for joining us again this week. Last week we talked with Wild Buffalo Betty, this week our normal cat is back. Without any questions being asked in the comments, we’ll just have to see what happens.

 

Thanks for being available this week. I hope you didn’t mind giving up last week so Wild Buffalo Betty could answer a few questions.

Not at all, I’m always glad to share the spotlight… I’m not as keen to share food or catnip though.

  

I hear you have quite a sense of humor.

 I sure do… I even have a rubber duck, but I forget where I left it.

 

What do you think about the current political situation?

I think it’s a cat-astrophe!

 

Very funny, like I told Wild Betty last week, I’m the one who makes the jokes around here.

Anything you say… haha.

 

Did you hear the the New York Times Crossword is 75 years old?

Really? That’s puzzling.

 

Cut it out! You aren’t supposed to be making any jokes.

Why not? I’m s not like you’re being funny.

 

This isn’t a joke post.

You could have fooled me, I thought all your posts were jokes.

 

… and that’ll do it for tonight. Next week we’ll have Wild Buffalo Betty back… I hope.

Hey! Don’t I get to give a few final thoughts to these great people reading this?

 

Sure, go ahead…

Thanks you, ladies and gentlemen, I just chased a mouse and boy are my paws tired! No, seriously, I almost had that mouse, but Wild Buffalo Betty got in my way. Yesterday I saw… hey! I’m not done yet!

 

 Yes you are. Thanks for reading, folks!

Jokes for February 9th

It’s been another quick week, hasn’t it? I have few few jokes for you tonight, enjoy!

 

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What did the cat think when the chef started performing Shakespeare?

He was hamletting it up.

 

What is a beekeeper’s favorite line from hamlet?

To be or not to be.

 

When are flowers like Shakespearian play?

When there are two bees.

 

Why do hockey players enjoy Shakespeare’s play, A midsummers night dream?

They like anything with a puck in it.

 

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I didn’t promise that they’d be good jokes, but I do hope that they made you chuckle at least.

 Thanks for reading!

A cat’s thoughts, week 6

It’s Wednesday night, I hope everyone had a nice day.

 It’s time to ask a cat a few questions, tonight we’re back with Wild Buffalo Betty, who, we hope, is going to answer a question we received last week from Jennifer Paetsch from Little Monster Girl webcomic ( https://lmgcomic.wordpress.com/ )

 

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Thank you for joining us again this week, Betty.

 How many times do I have to tell you it’s Wild Buffalo Betty? I’m startin’ to think you ain’t as smart as you think you are, in fact I’ve known mice that remember my name better than you.

 
I apologize, Wild Buffalo Betty, I’m sure no mouse forgets your name, you won’t let them.

Ain’t nothing to worry about… but if I miss my John Wayne movie, then I’ll be upset.

 
Now to our first question of the week, Little Monster girl asked what you think about milking cows?
I’m against it. I think that everyone should make do with cream.

 
Where do you think cream comes from?

The cream fairy. She brings cream to all good cats and mean chefs.

 
Mean chefs?

Yes! Didn’t you know chefs whip the cream and beat the eggs?

 

You know I’m supposed to be the comedian here.

Really? I didn’t know that, say something funny.

 
Not right now, I’m trying to interview you.

That doesn’t seem funny to me.

 
I think our readers might think differently.

They’re humans, right? Of course they think differently, they think about…. shudder… politics!

 
You’ve got me there… you know I bet a lot of people wonder just what a cat thinks about on a normal day.

If I ever meet a cat on a normal day, I’ll try to find out.

 
 Unfortunately our time is about up, Wild Buffalo Betty, any parting words for our readers? Perhaps for Jennifer Paetsch?

 Yes, I do have a few for both. Readers, don’t you prefer me to that other cat? Jennifer Paetsch, thanks for asking me a question! Do you need a cat to do questions with?  Or maybe to appear in your comic? I’m open to anything that pays in catnip and I’m sure you’re more generous than this blogger.

 
 That wasn’t very nice, Buffalo Betty… but you’re too sweet to be mad at.

Since you’ve asked me so many silly questions, I’m gonna  wake you up when it’s dark out and want to brushed and given cream… maybe catnip too.

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Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed these questions with Wild Buffalo Betty.

 If you have any questions for either cat, please leave it in a comment and it’ll be answered next week.

Jokes for February 2nd: a few classics

It seems like it’s been a quick past two weeks, unfortunately I haven’t come up with any new jokes, so instead I thought I’d share a few old jokes that you might not remember, enjoy!

 

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A man walked into a truck stop and ordered a hamburger, and as an after thought he added “Hold the pickle.”

 A few moments later, Harry, the truck stop’s harried short order chef whose was very hairy, came marching out on the kitchen and thrust a dripping cucumber into the man’s hand, saying “Hold your own pickle!”

 

Jack went to a taco joint south of the border for Lunch, after he had eaten he noticed a rabbi, a cardinal and a cleric making something together behind the counter, curious he asked the proprietor, Jose.

 Jose opened his mouth to reply, but a ninja fell from the ceiling, pressed a dirk to Jose’s throat and asked what he wanted on his tombstone.

 Being a person who always answered any questions asked him, and knowing that he had only one more chance to speak before he died, answered both questions at one by saying “Holy guacamole!”

 Jose was astounded when the ninja laughed, handed him an avocado pizza and left peacefully.

 

A woman was arrested after buying a jar of sodium and a portable power pack, she was charged with a salt and battery.

 

A famous sport star past his prime recently put his house up for sale, when the real estate agent asked why, he pointed to the ceiling and said “My fans don’t like me anymore.”

 

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Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this classic jokes.

A cat’s thoughts, week 5

Tonight we welcome back our normal question answering cat! I hope you enjoy tonight’s answer!

 

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 Welcome back, I hope you enjoyed your week off and I’m sure our readers are interested in what you were doing.

 I missed a week? Huh, guess I must have been asleep.

 

This week we’re going to avoid the main political happenings, however I want your opinion on France banning free soda refills, do you think other countries will follow suit?

 Who cares? Maybe you humans care, but I’m going to remain calm until catnip is rationed.

 

Okay, everyone is entitled to their opinions. Moving on, what plans do you have for the weekend?

 The weekend? Same as I do everyday, I guess, eat, sleep, get my ears scratched and my belly rubbed. What else is there to do? Besides catch mice?

 

Do you really like to catch mice?

 Oh yes! It’s fun and I get praised for doing it! There’s nothing better than tossing a mouse down a hallway… I don’t much like the mice you play with, but I’m not much on computers anyway.

 

 That’s about all the time we have for the onight, do you have any words for our readers before we end this weeks ask a cat?

 I do. I have, reluctantly, been hearing about all the political stuff you humans talk about nonstop. I understand that you think it’s important, but just stop talking about politics and let me sleep in peace… at least for a day or two, please.

 

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Thanks for reading this week’s A cat’s thoughts. If you have any questions for either of our question answering cats, please ask them in the comments and they might be answered next week.

A cat’s thoughts, week 4

This post is a few days late this week, but I hope you’ll agree it was worth the wait.

This week the normal cat wasn’t available for questions, so I have a replacement cat, Wild Buffalo Betty. Enjoy her responses, the normal cat should be willing to answer questions again next week.

 

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 First off, I’d like to thank you for taking the time to answer a few questions, Betty.

  It’s Wild Buffalo Betty, if you please. I ain’t liken’ to answer these questions, but it’s a small price to pay for some catnip, ah reckon.

 

Right… what are your thoughts regarding the rash of celebrity deaths lately?

 It’s a shame, some of them were very good actresses and actors, not as good as my favorites, but good.

 

That leads to another question, what movie is your favorite?

 I enjoy any movie with ropin’ in it, or a good ro-dae-o in it!

 

It’s pronounced rodeo.

Poor human, haven’t you ever watched the best movie with a ro-dae-o in it?

 

I’ve watched many movies with rodeos in them, along with lots on westerns and no one ever pronounces it that way.

Mickey Rooney you ain’t, watch Girl Crazy from 1943, you’ll learn its ro-dae-o. Unless you’re claiming that Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland were both wrong.

 

Fine… what events do you like best?

I enjoy watching the roping events, I always hope to learn something I can use.

 

Do you expect to be roping cattle soon? I’ve never heard of cowcats before.

Don’t be a fool! I only rope mice… and unwary human feet. I prefer my lassos to have feathers or bells by the way,  but what do I get? Stupid artificial mice, it’s like giving a cowboy a mechanical bull to ride and expecting him o be happy.

 

I’m afraid we’re going to have to cut this short, but I’m sure everyone is happy to have heard your thoughts tonight. I hope you’ll join us again in a few weeks. Any last words for our readers?

 Yes, give your cats plenty of catnip and feather toys, let them play ro-dae-o with the mice they catch. As John Wayne might say, move ’em up and move ’em out!

 

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Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed these questions with Wild Buffalo Betty. Hopefully next week we’ll be back to the other cat, whom answers our questions without arguing or catnip.

 If you have any questions for either cat, ask them in the comments.

R.I.P. John Hurt

The talented actor John Hurt has did, was was 77. 

 A very versatile actor, he was in many sci-if and fantasy films and tv shows.

While well known for his role in the movie Alien, his best works (in my opinion) were more recent as the War Doctor in the 50th anniversary special of Doctor Who in 2013, along with being the voice of the dragon in the BBC show Merlin.

 Fair well, John Hurt, you’ll be missed.

R.I.P. Barbara Hale

The talented but relatively little known actress Barbara Hale has died, she was 94. 

While best known for playing the role of Della Street on TVs Perry Mason, she also started in many movies, working along side such Hollywood greats as James Stewart, James Cagney, Joel McCrea, Fred MacMurray and others.

 While she never had another role to match her Perry Mason character, she guest stared in many other tv show. 

 Unlike many actors and actresses, she didn’t despise the role that made her famous, instead embracing it and reprising her role in the many Perry Mason TV movies.

 Goodbye, Barbara Hale, you’ll be missed.

Humor for Thursday, January 26th

I only have a few jokes for you tonight, I think they are funny, but, of course, personal opinion may vary.

 I hope you enjoy!

 

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How did the carpenter keep his fasteners sharp?

He used a nail file.

 

How did the manicurist keep track of her clients?

She used a nail file. 

 

Why did the farmer build a house in the middle of his dwarf grain field?

Because he enjoyed a short kamut 

 

What kind of tablet do sailors prefer?

An aye-pad

 

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 I hope you enjoyed these jokes, I’ll have more next week.

Thanks for reading!