How cats see the Olympics 

Now that the Olympics are beginning to wind down, you might be getting sick and tired of them, but do you know how your cat sees them? Read on to find out:

 

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Sprint: I can run faster in my sleep.

 

Golf: Mark Twain once said golf is a good walk ruined, I say golf is a good sleep to watch.

 

 Swimming: Humans are fools, who wants to get wet? They probably stay out in the rain too.

 

Volleyball: I can do the same thing with a mouse, now who deserves a gold medal?

 

Gymnastics: Now that’s a sport! Now if they would just do it with a mouse in their mouths.

 

Wrestling: ehh, I can do better, want to try me?

 

Soccer: same as volleyball, I’d do it with a mouse and on stairs.

 

Discus: they give medals for dog owners now? What’s next? Synchronized fish feeding?

 

High jump: not bad, but I can jump higher, just give me a reason to.

 

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While there are many other sports in the Olympics, these are the only ones I was able to get answers from a cat before he returned to watching golf.

Thanks for reading!

Shakespeare quotes updated for the Rio Olympics

Ever wonder what Shakespeare would have said about this years Olympics? I have the answer.

 

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To bees or not two bees, that is the question… The answer is no, those are two Zika carrying misquotes!

  

Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him so well… Unless he was doping, in that case I never met the guy.

  

Better three hours too soon than a minute late… Unless you show up at the wrong event.

 

The lady doth protest too much, methinks, there be steroids in the air!

  

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark… Luckily we’re in Rio.

  

ll that glisters is not gold, there are silver medals too.

  

Now is the winter of our discontent in Rio, though these are the Summer games, geography is odd that way.

  

Tempt not a desperate man, lest a whole country gets banned for doping.

  

A man can die but once, but he can miss out on a gold medal many times.

    

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 I hope you enjoyed these updated quotes. Thanks for reading!

Two jokes for August 3rd

It’s Wednesday night again, it’s been another quick week so far, but I managed to come up with too jokes for you, enjoy!

 

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What did the citrus fruit promise when he ran for office?

Lemonade.

  

What does a citrus fruit need when its injured?

Lemon-aid.

 

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I hope you enjoyed the jokes tonight, thanks for reading!

Food Mash Up: Banana Split Ice Cream Sanwich

Tonight I’m doing something a bit different for a Food Mash Up, normally I combined two foods that are not normally thought of together, instead of that, tonight I’m going to make it easier for those of you who have a hard time choosing between an Ice Cream Sandwich and a Banana Split, enjoy!

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Banana Split Ice Cream Sandwich

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We have two radically different desserts here to combine:

 

Banana Split: A concoction of a banana sliced in half, placed in a dish and covered with ice cream, chocolate sauce and topped with a maraschino cherry.

Ice Cream Sandwich: Two cookies placed around a slab of ice cream, which allows for a spoon free, yet not as messy way to enjoy ice cream.

 

The key is to stay as true to each as possible, while incorporating the best part of each. This is a lot easier than might be expected. There are several other attempts at creating such a delight, but the ones I’ve seen all miss the point of being self contained.

The history of each of these items are blurred to say the least, no one knows who exactly invented either dessert, but suffice to say they are both well loved.

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What you need:

Bananas – sliced the easy way (into circles)

Ice cream -softened but not melted

Large ice cream sandwich cookies – the lager the better.

Maraschino cherries – optional – chopped

Shredded coconut

Good quality chocolate bar – grated

Whipped cream -optional-

Melted chocolate, beginning to cool.

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Building a better sandwich:

 

Take one cookie and put a thin coating of ice cream on it, maybe 1/4″ thick, depending on how thick you want the final sandwich to be.

After spreading your ice cream, place a layer of sliced banana on it, make sure to squeeze as many slices as possible on it without too much over lapping. Next spread another thin layer of ice cream over the bananas, being careful to cover all the bananas.

On top of the second layer of ice cream, sprinkle your coconut and chocolate, you want to make sure there is enough of each, however do not cover all of your ice cream, other wise your sandwich may not stay in one piece.

Add a third layer of ice cream. On top of your third layer of ice cream, add your chopped maraschino cherries, again making sure not to cover quite all of the ice cream below.

Add a fourth layer of ice cream or use whipped cream if you’d prefer, top with another cookie.

Freeze the banana spit sandwich until firm, then dip the edges in the melted chocolate and refreeze for half an hour and enjoy.

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There you have it, a new treat for a hot summer day, I hope you enjoyed this post.

Thanks for reading!

Jokes for July 27th

It’s Wednesday night again. These summer days are just flying by, aren’t they? I haven’t been blogging much this month, but I’m going to try to add at least one more post a week.

 I wasn’t able to come up with any jokes I thought were good enough, so here are a few old jokes, I hope you get a chuckle from them.

 

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A priest, a cowboy and pirate were marooned on an island. There was nothing growing on the island except for bananas. After eating their fill, the cowboy and pirate discovered that the bananas were bad and causing hallucinations.

As the priest watched, the pirate tried to wrap a banana peel around his head, meanwhile the cowboy was similarly trying to tie a banana around his next.

 Finally the priest realized that in their hallucinations, the cowboy and pirate believed that the bananas were bandanas.

 “I’m glad I didn’t go ape over those,” the priest said aloud, adding “if I had, I’d be bananas by now!”

 

 

When the investigator found a clue, he quickly declared it to be something fishy, though he could never explain what a red herring was doing in a tuna cannery. 
   

 

How do you make a banana leave you alone?

 Show it the ice cream and chocolate sauce, that’s sure to make any banana split.

 

 

What was the complaint of the puma on a beach?

Sandy claws.

 

 

 

Why did the omelet refuse to pitch at a certain ballpark?

The fans were always egging him on. 

  

  

Why do pack rats make excellent pinch runners?

They are always stealing. 
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 I’ll try to have some new jokes for next week. Thanks for reading.

Jokes for July 20th

It’s Wednesday night again, but tonight I did manage to come up with a few jokes. Since politics are all you hear about right now, I have some political jokes for you, enjoy!

 

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What did the seal have to do when it ran for office?

Jump through hoops. 
 

What happened when the power plant worker ran for president?

He electrified the electorate.
 

What happened when the mortician wanted to be senator?

He buried the opposition.
 

Why wasn’t the zombie nominated to run for office?

He just didn’t have any brains.
 

Did the cowboy running for officer get many people at his events?

Yes, he roped them in.

 

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I hope these jokes gave you a chuckle, thanks for reading!

Jokes for July 6th

It’s been another fast week, hasn’t it? It seems like just yesterday that I published my last joke post, luckily this week I managed to come up with three jokes, I hope you enjoy these!

 

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What was the main complaint about the farmer’s home movies?

That they were grainy.

 

A famous movie director suddenly left Hollywood and bought a farm. After five years, he decided to make one last movie, so he found an old movie camera and shot a documentary about his farm.

 It was released to wide acclaim, but there was one complaint the reviewers had: the movie was grainy.

 

What does a wheat field have in common with a poorly made movie?

They are both grainy.

 

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I hope you enjoyed these jokes. Thanks for reading!

Autocorrect follies

Everyone has trouble with autocorrect, it often changes what you were saying. My autocorrect has recently began changing words with an s at the end into two words.

Over the past year, I’ve been collecting a list of  errors I’ve caught autocorrect trying to replace. I thought you’d enjoy a few of these. The replaced word or words are first, followed by the word I correctly typed.

  • Letting it sit instead of lost it.
  • This instead of tanks
  • Make no instead of mind
  • Not Celt instead of nicely
  • Money nods instead of minds
  • You’re Welch instead of you’re welcome

Let me know if you’re interested in reading a few more of these.

Thanks for reading.