Marching right along

Marching right along we have exited February and entered March, with any luck we’ve left the bitter cold behind as well.

With any luck, we’ve also left behind the crazy discussionsthat have gained national notoriety,  such as What color a dress is and all political conversations, however I’m sure that’s too much to wish for.

That’s not to say we can’t still drink hot chocolate, or tea if you prefer, we’ve got at least another month to enjoy out favorite winter drinks. As time is running out, we should think about trying the odd variation that we’ve been putting off trying, be it white chocolate hot chocolate, or whatever else you might be half thinking about.

 It’s also a good time to sit back and read a comic book that you’ve thought about reading but have been putting off, be it a superhero or some odd take on real life, take a chance on it, you might not enjoy it, but at least you can proudly say you read it.

Feel like you need something different to munch on while you are reading your comic book? Try something simple like an oatmeal cookie, or a fig filled cookie, the main thing is to try something new.

What do you think? Are there any comic books that should just be ignored? Is there a certain cookie that is under appreciated? I’d like to hear your thoughts.

Thanks for reading!

How to ruin any food: Carrot Cake

Tonight I’m going to try to ruin carrot cake, it shouldn’t be too hard, but it might be surprising. I hope you’re ready to ruin some food!

Shall we begin?

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

 

History:

Carrot cake is another of those foods that has no real determined date of invention. That said, it is assumed by most that carrot cake is directly related to the carrot puddings eaten in medieval Europe. During the medieval times carrots were used as a sweetener in desserts.

George Washington is said to have served a carrot tea cake, which is about the earliest mention of a carrot cake, however I only saw one mention of that in my research and am forced to call it a rumor until I see more proof.

You might be interested in these sites for more information:

http://www.cakespy.com/blog/2012/8/1/the-story-of-carrot-cake.html

http://www.carrotmuseum.co.uk/carrotcake.html

 

What it is:

Very simply, it’s a cake made with carrots and topped with a white cream cheese frosting.

How to ruin it:

Ruining a carrot cake is a bit more complicated than most other foods, but it can be done.

First off we’ll break it down in two parts, the cake and the frosting, you can ruin one or the other, or if you really want to ruin your carrot cake, use both.

Cake:

To ruin the cake, the first thing to look at is the carrot. The easiest way is to replace the carrot with something else, while that will technically change the cake from being a carrot cake, all we need to do is add a single grating of carrot into the dough. Consider the following to replace most of the carrot:

  • Broccoli
  • Rutabaga
  • Parsnips
  • Potato
  • Cauliflower
  • Collards

Now if you don’t want to replace the carrot, just use the carrot peelings, you’ll need a lot of carrots to get enough carrot peels, I suggest a large carrot salad.

Another way to ruin the cake is to use food coloring, I’d suggest separating the batter into three parts, keep one part normal, dye one blue and the last green. Pour them into your pan so that the colors overlap, what’s you’re trying to come up with is something that looks like it has molded. If you do this correctly, you will want the cake to be very tasty so you can have it all to yourself.

Frosting:

To ruin the frosting for your carrot cake, you have a number of options. If you go with the faux molded cake, I’d suggest making a frosting to match, I’d start with a base of white frosting and add splotches of blue and green frosting on top. The only problem with this kind of ruined carrot cake is that it’s basically a faux ruined carrot cake.

If you really want to ruin the frosting, here are a few more ideas:

You can frost your cake with plain cream cheese, or use cottage cheese.

Also, you can take as many white cheeses (mozzarella, Monterrey jack, white cheddar, ect) as you can and puree them in a food processor until you get a paste, add a bit of vinegar and cornstarch to create something that looks fairly smooth and tastes horrible, spread it on your cake and you’ve got a ruined carrot cake!

Another option is to make a thick Alfredo sauce and pour it over your cake, I promise that it’ll ruin any cake!

I think that about covers it, I’m sure at least one of those options will be nasty enough for anyone to say it’s ruined.

 

I hope that this have given you a few ideas of how to ruin a carrot cake.

Do you have any ideas on how to ruin a carrot cake?

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this post and I hope you’ll join me again next week as we ruin another food!

 

 

R.I.P Leonard Nimoy

The talented actor Leonard Nimoy died Friday morning, he was 83 years old.
He will always be remembered for his role as Spock in Star Trek during the 1960s and subsequent movies, however he managed to keep from being stereotyped and had roles in many other tv shows and movies. He also lent his voice to many animated shows and other projects.
Besides acting, he was also a director and an accomplished musician.
Truly an actor unlike any other, he will be missed.

Jokes for February 25th

Tonight I have decided to treat you to some of the jokes I’ve posted over the past several month, I hope you enjoy these jokes again.

A city slicker was visiting a farm, he asked the farmer how things were growing,the farmer said everything was. Coming up roses. The city slicker congratulation end the farm, to which the farmer said “Thing is, I planted beets.”

A paranoid rich man died, he left instructions that only a laughing ghost talker could manage to tell his hires where his will was. After several months of searching, the courts reluctantly admitted that they couldn’t find a happy medium.

A man walked into a truck stop and ordered a hamburger, ad an after thought he added “Hold the pickle.”
A few moments later, Harry, the truck stop’s harried short order chef whose was very hairy, came marching out on the kitchen and thrust a dripping cucumber into the man’s hand, saying “Hold your own pickle!”

Jack went to a taco joint south of the border for Lunch, after he had eaten he noticed a rabbi, a cardinal and a cleric making something together behind the counter, curious he asked the proprietor, Jose.
Jose opened his mouth to reply, but a ninja fell from the ceiling, pressed a dirk to Jose’s throat and asked what he wanted on his tombstone.
Being a person who always answered any questions asked him, and knowing that he had only one more chance to speak before he died, answered both questions at one by saying “Holy guacamole!”
Jose was astounded when the ninja laughed, handed him an avocado pizza and left peacefully.

Did you hear about the nut factory in the war zone? It got shelled.

What happened when the salad saw the peanut dressing? It was shell shocked!

Three nuts run into a bar in Nevada, they were arrested on suspicion of running a shell game.

A doctor went skydiving. While his parachute deployed perfectly, a gust of wind forced him off course. A few weeks later he was found nearly starved to death in the middle of an orchard. When asked why he hadn’t just picked some fruit to eat, he explained that he had spent those weeks surrounded by apples, proving once again, apples keep doctors away.

Thanks for reading, I’ll have a few new jokes next week.

Cold February

With how cold and snowy this February had been for many of us, I doubt that many people are sorry to see it come to an end. Unfortunately there is still most of a week left to it, a week that seems certain to see even more snow and cold weather for many areas.

The only good thing about the cold this month is the many opportunities to drink hot chocolate and eat hot chocolate chip cookies, other hot drinks can be drank as well, as long as they are hot enough. A good rule of thumb is if your drink burns your mouth it’s almost warm enough.

A chocolate chip cookie is a delicate thing, while a simple think by most estimates, it is also a complicated thing as well, use too little flour and you get a very flat a crisp cookie, quite unlike the fluffy, gooey melt in you mouth goodness that you want in a cookie. Even the brown sugar you use can change the texture of your cookies.

It is alway at the end of the month that we should try to read the last issues of our favorite defunct comic series, after a month like this one had been, we all need to relax and enjoy a good comic book.
As we prepare to say fair well to February, it’s a good time to say fair well once more to those comic characters whose series have ended.

Thanks for reading.

How to ruin any food: Ham sandwich

As I promised at the beginning of the year, I’m going to revisit some of the foods I’ve all ready ruined and improve on them. So tonight I’m going to begin, first with ham sandwiches.

If you remember several months ago (4/27/2014 to be precise) I ruined sandwiches ( http://wp.me/p3pFIg-c7 ) . That was just a general ruination of sandwiches, I have decided to ruin individual sandwiches now, so to start we’re going to ruin ham sandwiches tonight.

Shall we begin?

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

 

History:

Ham sandwiches seem to date back to at least the 1840s, when Elizabeth Leslie’s “Directions for Cookery was published. However it is likely that ham was one of the first kinds of sandwiches made.

 

What it is:

A ham sandwich at it’s most basic is a slice of ham between to slices of bread. Many people enjoy a hot ham sandwich with cheese melted on it.

How to ruin it:

Ruining a ham sandwich isn’t as hard as it might seem. There are several ways to ruin it, from the bread to the ham itself, as well as anything you might want on top of it, they can all be ruined to one point or another.

 Bread:

To ruin the bread for a ham sandwich, I suggest any of the breads I ruined last September ( http://wp.me/p3pFIg-jA) or using something unhammy, such as corn tortillas, if you really want to ruin it quickly and you don’t made a bit of a mess, use a cinnamon roll cut in half, it’ll be sticky, gooey and it won’t taste good with mustard.

Ham:

Yes, I did say you can ruin the ham, it takes a bit of work, but it can be done. First off you need to get a whole ham and cook it, next cut off the rind of the ham, it’s nearly inedible and perfect for ruining a ham sandwich.

The other way to ruin the ham is to cut most of the fat off a ham and use that in your sandwich, it’ll be unappetizing to say the least.

Mustard:

What good is a ham sandwich without mustard? It’s quite easy to ruin mustard, simply add a strange food color to it, say blue or green.

You can also make your own mustard and add an unusual spice to it, such as nutmeg or even cocoa powder. Either one should ruin a ham sandwich nicely.

Cheese:

There’s really only a few cheeses that are universally derided, try Limburger. Another smelly cheese is Epoisses. In general, when ruining the cheese in a ham sandwich, the smellier the better.

Vegetables:

Vegetables are a topping that is quite popular on ham sandwiches. I’ll give you a few ideas for to ruin the more popular ones:

Lettuce: Let it wilt, also sprinkle it with salt and pepper to simulate sand.

Tomato: Choose a bi-color or green tomato, this is best done for someone who only knows about red or yellow tomatoes as they will think it’s under ripe.

Cucumbers: Once again, allow it to get soft, I suggest peeling and slicing it and socking it in saltwater to remove more water from it.

 

I hope that this have given you a few ideas of how to ruin a ham sandwich. There are plenty of other ways to ruin it, I’m sure, what can you come up with?

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this post and I hope you’ll join me again next week as we ruin another food!

 

Random thoughts for February 20th

Welcome to another post filled with thoughts that are so random, they are discouraged in twelve galaxies.

With how much cats love to roll, why don’t they roll in catnip? You’d think that they’d want to smell the smell of catnip for hours.

You’d think when baseballs spring training began that the weather would start warming up, instead another storm is coming… Maybe.

Why do we wear slippers to keep from slipping?

When the weather casters start talking about rivers in the sky, I start wondering if we wouldn’t be better off with old time soothsayers to predict the weather.

If you used bananas to make bandanas to wrap a cake, would you end up with a fruitcake?

If you’d put a fruitcake on a drone, would you get a fruit fly?

If a dog steals a joke book and vanishes, would that be dog gone funny?

I hope you enjoyed this post, thanks for reading!

Jokes for Wednesday February 18th

It’s Wednesday night again and do I have some jokes for you!
As baseball’s spring training begins tomorrow, I have a few new baseball jokes for you tonight as well.

Baseball

When the mechanical pencil tried out grow the baseball team, it got the lead out.

Why did the venture capitalist buy a baseball team?
He loved great pitches.

Why did the inventor try out for the baseball team?
He had a great pitch.

Why wasn’t the carafe able to become a pitcher for a baseball team?
It had lost its glasses.

Jokes

When a cellphone company decided to expand into major markets, they chose a name for it reminiscent of an existing cellphone. Unfortunately for them, the name didn’t translate right, In English it became the ‘phone eye’

Annoyed with constantly dropping his pepper grinder, an inventor created a pepper grinder that would float in the air. He became a millionaire with his mill on air.

Others

When a shoe store ended up filled with snow, they had a snowshoe sale.

Why did the boxer take his laundry to the ring?
Because he kept getting socked.

I hope you enjoyed these jokes tonight, I know I enjoyed coming up with them.
Thanks for reading!

Unsettling February

Or should it be unsettled February? It depends on how you look at it. With the weather being as it has been this month, either works.
With winter hitting again and hitting hard, it’s time to double our hot chocolate intake and read an extra comic book or five, after all we need something to pass the time until the weather warms again.

What comic books should one read this week? Anything that has action and takes place somewhere warm, be it a beach, a tropical isle or even a Peruvian mountain top, just so that you can immerse yourself in it and forget the cold snow and ice for a while.

Another suggestion is to have a nice hot chocolate chip cookie, fresh from the oven in addition to your hot chocolate. Add a cat that had had catnip and you’re set for hours, or days days if your cat gets his way.

With most of a week left ahead of us, all we can hope is that the weather warms up a bit, even if it doesn’t, just remember that spring is coming, it might take another two months to arrive, but it’s on it’s way.

Thanks for reading, stay warm this week.

How to ruin any food: Beverages: Hot Chocolate

Tonight a tragic event will occur, I’m going to ruin Hot Chocolate. If you’ve read my blog before you’ll know how much I enjoy hot chocolate, I talk about it nearly every week. Tonight I’m going to ruin it. I humbly apologize to everyone who loves a nice cup of hot chocolate.

As always, just a quick note about this post before we begin:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

 The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation. Any attempt to ingest the substances described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

 

History:

Hot chocolate has been around for a long time, centuries in fact. The first chocolate drink was made by the Mayans, though it wasn’t until the Aztecs had been conquered by the Spaniards that a drink similar to what we know today began to take form.

The Mayans drank a chocolate drink made from cacao beans, chili peppers and wine. This drink lasted through the time of the Aztecs.

The Spanish added sugar to the drink, but milk seems to have been added by the English some time during the 1700s, thus bringing to us today the drink we know as hot chocolate.

What it is:

Hot chocolate is basically any chocolaty drink with milk and sugar served hot, however some people insist that there is a difference between hot chocolate and hot cocoa, depending on whether its made from cocoa powder or melted chocolate.

Whipped cream or marshmallows are commonly added on top of hot chocolate, though some people may prefer a dusting of cinnamon.

How to ruin it:

Ruining hot chocolate isn’t the easiest thing to do, however I’m going to do my best.

Regardless of whether you’re melting chocolate or using cocoa powder, the chocolate part can’t really be changed significantly.

The milk can be changed, however. The simplest way to change it is to use soured milk, which can be made with a bit of lemon juice or vinegar. To ruin hot chocolate, you’ll want the sourest milk possible.

Next consider what else can be added to the hot chocolate without being seen, perhaps a bit of root beer with the milk, another possibility would be soy sauce as it won’t be too visible, there are many other options as well.

Another way to ruin hot chocolate would be to make it closer to what the Aztecs drank; no milk or sugar, just chocolate and water with some hot sauce. If you want to spice it up a notch, puree a ghost pepper and add it.

The topping is by far the easiest place to ruin a cup of hot chocolate, no matter how you like to top it.

If you enjoy a sprinkling of cinnamon on top, substitute curry powder or cumin.

If you like whipped cream, use sour cream instead.

If you enjoy marshmallows on top, first moisten the marshmallows and roll them in powdered horseradish.

Now if you have a cup of hot chocolate ready, marshmallows all ready melting and suddenly decide that you need to ruin it, don’t worry, I’ve got a way for you to ruin it:

Pour a small amount of vinegar over the top and stir slightly, you’ll want to add enough vinegar so you think you’re eating a salt and vinegar potato chip.

 

Now we have ruined hot chocolate. Never again will anyone look at a nice cup of hot chocolate without wondering if someone has ruined it.

Thanks for reading.

Join me again next Saturday when I’ll be ruining another food.