A cat’s thoughts, week twelve

Wild Buffalo Betty couldn’t join us this week, so we’re going to talk to the other day, who we are still trying to find out more about, including his name. 

Thanks for joining me this week, do you have anything to share with us before we begin with the questions?

You’ll never get any answers! I’ve been trained to resist… er, I mean, not really, I’ve just had a nice week sleeping and meowing.

 

Really? Where? I can never find you.

I’d like to tell you, but I’m afraid I can’t, otherwise I’d have to make you vanish and take over your life so no one was any wiser. You aren’t going to put that in the post, are you? Just say my answer is meow.

 

Okay… moving on, it seems like you’re trying not to say you’re engaged in some kind of clandestine affairs. You might be the right person to ask about wiretapping.

 Oh I don’t like wire tapping, I much prefer string pouncing. What, you thought I might say meow?

 

Really? What about yarn or toys with feathers?

Those are great too! Balls of yarn, if they are wound tightly enough, can be used to deflect blame on to dogs, after all, we cats look harmless when we play with a ball of yarn. Meow!

 

And you can also use them to trip people, right?

 Trip, capture, heck, it can even be used to extract catnip from you humans. I mean… meow?

 

I assume that when to set up traps with yarn and toys, you have some kind of plan?

Oh yes, I just love practicing setting up my yarn defenses … er, playing with yarn I mean… meow?

 

What do you think about the latest hacking claims?

 I never stole anyone’s email! Er, I mean… It was Wild Buffalo Betty! Er, meow?
I hate to cut this short, but I’m out of questions, do you have any parting words?

 I hate this part, um… meow?
There you have it, the answer for everything is meow.

Thanks for reading!

Jokes for March 16th

It’s time for jokes and it’s almost St. Patrick’s day, enjoy these jokes!

 

 

What did the taxi driver do when a passenger told him his taxi was old.

He shrugged and said “Cabbage.”

 

What game does St. Patrick refuse to play?

Snake.

 

Why did the farmer feed his cows nothing but maize?

He wanted some corned beef.

 

 I hope you enjoyed thiese jokes! Thanks for reading!

A cat’s thoughts, week eleven 

We’re here tonight with Wild Buffalo Betty. 

 Thanks for agreeing to answer some more questions, Betty. Sigh, Wild Buffalo Betty, if’n you don’t mind. I don’t mind answering your questions, but I reckon most of them are gonna be odd again.

 

You’ve got that right! I love odd questions and I love your answers. Did you know it’s the ides of March right now?

Really? I had no ide-ea.

 

Ha ha. Really, this is the time of March Julius Caesar was warned about.

Oh? Did something bad happen to him?

 

He was killed…

That was a bad thing, how did it happen?

 

A bunch of people, including Brutus stabbed him, as he died he uttered the immortal words, “Et tu, Brute”

I’d think there’d be a better set of words, like those spoken in an action move, say I’ll be…

 

Don’t get me in any trouble, Betty… er, Wild Buffalo Betty. Besides,  Julius Caesar’s words have become famous. Besides, I thought you only liked westerns.

I do! But every now and then, I like to watch something else with more action. This Caesar dude wouldn’t have had to worry if he was more like John Wayne.

 

True, he would have just said something like ‘it’s just a scratch, pilgrim.’

Yee ha! Move ’em up and move ’em out! Wagons ho!

 

I think we’re getting off track, Betty. Let’s talk about St. Patrick’s day, its on Friday.

 Oh I just love St. Patrick’s day! That’s the green holiday, right?

  

Yes, you could call it that. What are you planning for St. Patrick’s day?

Well, I’ve been busy this week, I’ve been feeding the mice on my mouse ranch maize and giving them lots of baths!

 

Maize. Baths? Care to explain? Hey! Since when do you have a mouse ranch?

Yes, maize, how else do you expect me to have corned mice? My mice are all nice and green too.

 

Green corned mice… I think we need to have a long talk, Betty, soon too.

I’m hoping for a nice saucer of catnip tea too… no mint ice cream though, I know that’s what you like.

 

Wild Buffalo Betty, I need to know, where is this mouse ranch of yours? Is it in the kitchen? The basement?

 Oh, gee! Look at the time, we’ve got to wrap this post up! Got anything else to say, human? Or would you just like to rub my belly?

 

That’s it for tonight… hopefully Wild Buffalo Betty will share some more details about this ranch of hers soon.

If you have any questions you’d like to be answered by a cat, leave it in the comments and it might be answered next week.

Thanks for reading!

Jokes for March 9th

It’s Thursday night again, that means it’s time for some jokes! I hope you enjoy, I tried to find something that would appeal to everyone.

 

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Why did the bell offer to make a fruit salad?

Because it was good at peeling.

 

Why did the chef complain that he felt like a bell?

Because he had been peeling all day.

 

What did people say about the desert the chef made in the shape of a bell?

It was a-pealing.

 

What happened when the banana ran into the bell?

It peeled.

 

When the clockmaker ran out of chimes, he put an orange in his new clock, he hoped that it would let out a peel when struck.

 

Why did the bell like apples instead of strawberries?

They had a good peel.

 

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I hope these jokes made you laugh. Thanks for reading!

A cat’s thoughts, week ten

It’s time to ask a cat a few questions, this week I have the normal cat with me, he’s agreed to answer a few questions.

 Thanks for joining us this week, where is Wild Buffalo Betty anyway?

She… she had other things to do tonight, I told her there was a mouse under the chair.

 

Is there one?

Of course not! I just wanted her out of my fur, she was trying to teach me to use a lasso!

 

That’s… odd, but sounds like something she’d do. Are you ready for a few questions?

I’m ready, fire at will!

  

Who is Will? He must have a great bulletproof vest.

(Cat stares in annoyance before replying) I’m here to answer questions, not to hear jokes. Try again or I’ll call you Will!

 

Okay, this is real. Did you hear about the alligator that was found in a Florida pool?

Really? So why do people wonder why cats don’t like to swim?

 

What do you think about the town in England, Rochdale, that is trying to ban swearing among other things?

Dang it! I didn’t think I’ve have to answer questions like this tonight! #%@&$ $@&#%!

 

You’ve been reading comic books lately, I assume?

I’ve glanced at a few, mostly right before a nap… or right before I pounced on them.

 

I hope you don’t use your claws on the comic books.

Me? Use my claws on something you like? Don’t be ridiculous! Wild Buffalo Betty is the one who did that… you didn’t see it happen after all, did you?

 

On to other topics, can you tell the readers something about yourself?

Me? Talk about myself? No. no, I cannot tell you anything about myself, if I did, I’d have to kill you.

 

You’re talking like a spy!

No comment… hey! We’re out of time tonight! That’s all the catnip folks! Enjoy your week!

 

Well it doesn’t seem like this cat is willing to talk about himself, at least not this week.

 Thanks for reading!

Have a question for either cat? Ask them in the comments and they might be answered in next week’s post.

R.I.P Robert Osborne

Robert Osborne has died,, he was 84.

 While best known for introducing movies on TCM, he was also a well known film critic, he was also involved in many different parts of the film industry, from writing books about the golden age of movies to even acting in the pilot episode of The Beverly Hillbillies.

 Robert Osborne will be missed.

Jokes for March 3rd

It’s Friday night, time for Thursday night jokes, sorry for the delay.

 

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Why did the chef win an Oscar?

It was for something he whipped up.

 

Why did the chef become an inventor?

He enjoyed whipping up new things.

 

How did the chef get enough money to build a new restaurant?

He buttered up an investor during a toast.

 

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Thanks for reading, I hope to be back on schedule next week.

A cat’s thoughts, week nine

It’s time to ask a cat a few questions,  tonight I have Wild Buffalo Betty ready and willing to answer a few questions… if she can stay awake that is.
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Wild Buffalo Betty? Wake up, it’s time to answer a few questions.

Now? But I was dreaming I was ropin’ some mice on the lone prairie.

 

I’m sorry Wild Buffalo Betty, but some people want to hear from you.

Oh okay, but one day soon I’m going to go somewhere the deer and buffalo roam… that’s right, I’m gong to get me a home on the range.

 

I don’t think that’s a good idea, Wild Buffalo Betty, there’s too many pots and pans on the range.

 Not that range! The open range!

 

If the range door is left open, I tend to bang my knee against it in the dark.

No! No! No! Don’t you know the old song? Give me a home, etc?

 

You want me to trade you a house for a song? That seems a bit expensive for a song.

Oh! You’re trying to be funny! Either that, or you just want to annoy me.

 

Me? Annoy you? Who thinks feet are a nice bed in the middle of the night?

Hey! I don’t like feet, but you put them where I want to sleep, the fact that I didn’t want that spot to sleep on until you moved is not my fault.

  

I think we’ve gotten a bit off topic tonight.

I agree… I’ll answer one question before I demand catnip and go back to sleep.

 

One question, eh? Okay, how much wood…

Goodnight!

 

Goodnight Wild Buffalo Betty, sleep well, I’m sure everyone will be waiting with baited breath to hear from you next time.

 Fish? The people reading this are fishing? Tell them to send me some and I’ll talk more.

 

There you have it… Wild Buffalo Betty dreams about roping mice on the open range… er, prairie.

Thanks for reading, feel free to ask Wild Buffalo Betty a question in the comments.

Jokes for February 23rd

It’s Thursday night, which means that tomorrow is Friday. Who is ready for the weekend?

 Anyway, I hope you enjoy these jokes tonight.

 

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What day of the week is a chef’s favorite day?

Fry-day

 

What day of the week do potatoes hate the most?

Friday

 

Why does ice cream enjoy Fridays?

Because it’s not a sundae.

 

Was the egg roll happy it was Monday?

Yes, it was over the moon happy that it wasn’t Friday.

 

Which day of the week is the best day to make fritters?

Friday.

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I hope these jokes made you out chuckle, or at least made you want some French fries.

Thanks for reading!