Jokes for July 29th

I have a few new jokes for you tonight, I hope you enjoy them, even though they might muddy the water a bit.

 In all truth, these jokes are slightly odd, but if you think about them for a moment you’ll understand them and hopefully get a laugh from them.

——————————-

Why did the potter create a suit of cloths from he work when he was challenged to a duel?
He wanted a suit of plate armor.

When the potter was asked how business was, he said he couldn’t complain, his plate was full.

Why did the pottery master get into a certain sport played in alleys?
He enjoyed bowling.

What food did the ceramic artist love to eat in her workshop next to her garden?
Potted ham.

How did the pottery manage to keep up with all the orders for plates?
The knew how to dish it out.

Why do potters make good politicians?
Because they know how to sling mud.

————————————–

 I hope you enjoyed these jokes, I’m sorry I didn’t have more, but I had a lot on my plate this past week.

Thanks for reading!

End of July

Somehow It is already the end of July! That means summer is getting close to coming to an end.

 However we have enough of summer left to enjoy much more lemonade and ice cream. It is necessary that we all enjoy as much lemonade and ice cream as we can during these next few weeks or months, until the weather turns cold and we’re forced to turn our attentions to hot chocolate.

 Unless you have sufficient resources to travel from one hemisphere to the other for the sole reason to enjoy ice cream while the weather is hot, if that describes you, congratulations.

 As July is running down, you should consider reading some comic books that have ended, because when one thing comes to an end, others may as well follow suit.

 There are many similarities between comics and months: a comic book series can come to an end until it is started up again, or rebooted as the current term goes. Months, such as July, come to an end, however a mere year later it starts over again.

 Lemonade is one thing we should all try to drink our fill of every day, not only does it taste good, but there are numerous reports out that lemons are good for you. So drink up and enjoy!

 Chocolate chip cookies are something that everyone should enjoy, however if you start getting tired of them, skip a week and you’ll realize that you enjoy them more than you thought.

 I hope you can enjoy your week and keep enjoying as much lemonade and ice cream as possible this week.

 Thanks for reading!

How to ruin any food: Ice cream toppings: syrups

Tonight we’re going to ruin ice cream toppings. There are so many different things people put on top of ice cream that I’m going to break this post into two, tonight we’re going to focus on syrups, next week we’ll focus on fruit toppings.

You might be wondering why I’m ruining ice cream toppings, the reason is that it’s summer, the time everyone eats ice cream, plus I ruined ice cream numerous times last summer, however I neglected to ruin toppings in a dedicated post.

Are you ready?

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

History:

Unfortunately the history behind such ice cream staples as chocolate syrup and strawberry syrup are lost to time. Any number of searches found only the history  of the big brands of these, if that.

Therefore, I’ll create the history for you, please enjoy:

The history of Chocolate syrup:

One day George Washing ton was tired of his ice cream having only fruit on it, he was having supper with the Mexican ambassador at the time, they were in a heated discussion regarding territory. The Mexican ambassador set down his fresh mug of hot chocolate, which he had brought with him from Mexico.  George Washington’s dog chose that moment to chase a cat through the study, upsetting the table with the ice cream and hot chocolate, when the dust had settled, the hot chocolate had been cooled into a syrup by the ice cream. When George Washington tasted it, he declared a national holiday where everyone would try this amazing treat. However not enough cocoa beans could be imported in time and no one celebrated the holiday.

 

The history of Strawberry ice cream syrup:

 

One day in 1813, a woman was making strawberry jam, due to a sudden attack by the British (it was during the War of 1812  after all), she was forced to flee. When she returned hours later, the fire was out and the jam was thin and runny. A wounded solider was helping himself to the almost strawberry jam, ladling it on a bowl of frozen cream, thus was Strawberry syrup born.

 

While this history I just created is doubtful, there is really nothing I could find to counter it.

 

What they are:

Syrups for ice cream come in many flavors, chocolate, strawberry and caramel are the most popular.

The secret is for the syrup to be thin enough that you can spoon, poor or squeeze it on your ice cream while it is room temperature or below (the syrup that is).

 

Due to the number of recipes available online, I have omitted the How to make it section of this post.

 

How to ruin them:

Now we come to the fun part, ruining the syrups.

Chocolate:

Chocolate sauce is very easy to ruin, simply add any of these ingredients into your chocolate sauce:

  • Soy sauce
  • Worcestershire sauce
  • Coffee grounds.
  • Grease from cooking or lard, you might have to warm it up first.

 

Strawberry:

This section is broken down in to two parts, a replacement part and an add to part.

Add to:

Add any of these to your normal strawberry syrup to ruin it:

  • Steak sauce
  • Worcestershire sauce
  • Spaghetti sauce (you didn’t expect me to leave this out, did you?).
  • Garlic powder (stir in until it is fully blended)

Replace with:

Replace your strawberry syrup with any of these for a wonderful ruined topping:

  • Ketchup
  • Sweet and sour sauce
  • Chilled tomato soup with basil
  • Tomato sauce

Caramel:

Caramel sauce is much harder than the others to ruin, however it is still possible:

  • Add plenty of salt, it will help melt the ice cream, thus ruining it.
  • Garlic powder can also be incorporated into this sauce, however your guests may think you should be incarcerated for doing so, or at least have your cookbooks incinerated.
  • Add beef broth instead of milk, it will give it a bit more body.

 

That’s about all the ways I have for ruining ice cream syrups tonight, I hope you’ll join me again next week when we ruin the fruits you can top ice cream with.

Thanks for reading and please feel free to share your own ideas for ruining ice cream toppings!

A cat’s take on blogging

The following are the thoughts of a cat on blogging, these thoughts were not easy to gleam, but they are true to the best of my understanding. To keep it easier to read, it is still in the cat’s perspective.

—————————————-

Blogging: an excuse to stop giving me a lap. It also is a waste of time that could be better used to feed me, or to play with me.
 

Typing on a keyboard or a piece of glass glued to a chunk of metal is not only foolish, but the time wasted could be better spent scratching my ear.

The minutes this human wastes moving that piece of plastic he calls a mouse would be much better spent chasing a real mouse, or even better finding a mouse outside for me to play with.

 This mouse thing could also be an interesting toy, if only it had some feathers, or at least some catnip scent.

What good is this blogging stuff? Does it make playing more fun? Can he find anything about how to catch bugs? Or at least when the moths are coming?

Why does blogging take so long? Why does he have to take so long typing one of these blog things? It shouldn’t take any time at all to do one of these blogs, I’ve put my paw to one of those keyboards a few times and I can finish in just a few seconds.

———————————–

 While these thoughts are the thoughts of just one cat, I doubt other cats think much different.

 Also I’d like to take a moment to reply to a few of these concerns.

 While blogging might not help me catch mice or bugs, that’s the Job of this cat.

Also, while a cat can type quickly on a keyboard, humans are much more picky about spelling and punctuation, also I believe single letters have much more meaning to a cat than to humans.

A mouse with feathers might make a good cat toy, but it wouldn’t be good for browsing blogs at all, not to mention the fact that cats would never leave it alone.
 I hope this post has helped you understand what your cat thinks about blogging.

Thanks for reading!

R.I.P. Theodore Bikel

Theodore Biekl has died. He was one of the most accomplished actor ever, both on the stage and such diverse roles in movies such as dramas like  The African Queen with Humphrey Bogart and Katherine Hepburn, comedies like The Russians are coming, the Russians are coming (where he played the Soviet sub captain), the musical My Fair Lady with Audrey Hepburn and many many more.

 He also appeared in many tv shows, from the Twilight Zone to Star Trek the Next Generation, Alfred Hitchcock Presents,  The Doctors and Nurses, and even Gunsmoke, he proved he could play any role and play it well.

 In addition to his acting career, he was also a well known musician with many albums to his credit along with being a founder of the Newport Folk Festival.

  Theodore Bikel, you will be missed by all.

Theodore Bikel 1924-2015

300 followers!

Thanks to you, my blog now has over 300 followers.

 This is a big milestone, one I had never really expected to hit to be honest. Now I’m looking toward the next milestones for my blog, 550 and 600 posts, the first of which I wil hit within the next month.

 When I first noticed my blog had hit 300 followers, I started think about what my blog needs to get better. I have a few ideas, but I need some advice from you on what you’d like to see more of:

  • More ruining food. 
  • More quotes from famous people if they had been cats. 
  • Random thoughts and wacky thoughts. 
  • Jokes. 
  • Conspiracy theories. 

Another thing I want to ask is if you miss any of these kind of posts:

  • Redoing Classic movies.
  • Making cat toys. 
  • Game reviews. 
  • My take on the news. 
  • Parodies. 
  • Posts about ice cream.

These are some big decisions with even larger changes possible for my blog, I might also just leave everything the same, but I do want to see what you, my readers, want to read on my blog.

 Thanks for taking a few moments to give me your opinions, and thank you for reading my blog.

How to ruin any food: Ravioli

Tonight we’re going to ruin ravioli, that stuffed pasta that nearly anyone can enjoy. I hope you’re hungry, by the time we’re finished you’ll be stuffed!

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

History:

The history of ravioli is an old one, dating back to the 14th century at least.

There is very little solid evidence of who invented ravioli or when they were first made. The earliest reference to them seems to have been in a cookbook by one Francesco di Marco, or at least he wrote about them, I wasn’t able to find out what he wrote, if it was a recipe or just a letter saying that he had eaten ravioli.

Interestingly enough, an English cookbook from about the same time written possible by the cooks of King Richard II mentions ravioli, spelled then rauioles, or at least that is what I read, unfortunately I wasn’t able to find many sources that weren’t just quoting the Wikipedia article of ravioli, so the exact history of ravioli will remain a mystery for all time.

 

What it is:

Ravioli are basically composed of two sheets of pasta with a (normally) cheese filling between them.

They can also contain a meat filling or an herb filling.

How to serve them:

The standard way of cooking and serving ravioli is to cook them in a tomato based pasta sauce until they are done, Italian sausage is often served in the sauce, mozzarella cheese melted on top is great, as is a nice bit of grated Parmesan.

 

How to ruin them:

While some people may make their own ravioli from scratch, most people will just buy them and ruin them with the sauce, that is what we’re focused on tonight.

That said, there would be many more ways to ruin ravioli from scratch than what I’m prepared to suggest in this post.

If enough of you readers are interested in ruining ravioli from scratch, I’ll be more than happy to have a follow-up post, let me know in the comments.

Tonight we’ll ruin our ravioli via the sauce and cheese mostly.

Sauce:

The sauce is one of the most critical parts of ravioli and also the easiest to ruin. You need the sauce to be thin enough to cook your ravioli, but thick enough to stick on them after they are done. As some of the following ideas are going to be thin, I suggest cooking your ravioli, then removing them from the liquid. Transfer your liquid to a sauce pot and bring to a boil, add corn starch to thicken and pour back over your ravioli just before serving.

 

  • Root beer: this adds a nice flavor to your ravioli most will hate.
  • Lemonade: nice and refreshing, but not savory.
  • Soy sauce: Salty, dark brown and sure to ruin your ravioli!
  • Cola: Dark in color, sweet, might even dissolve your ravioli.
  • Barbecue sauce: Tangy and not at all like any pasta sauce.
  • Sweet and sour sauce: the color is right, but that’s about all.
  • Strawberry jam: You’ll have to thin this, but it’s perfect!

Cheese:

Cheese is a key part to topping your ravioli, try these instead of mozzarella or Parmesan:

  • Limburger
  • Cheddar
  • Monterrey Jack
  • Swiss
  • Grated white chocolate (This goes great with strawberry jam!)
  • Shredded coconut

 

Other ideas:

So those ideas aren’t enough for you? Try these on for size!

  • Slices of banana allowed to turn brown in place of sliced Italian sausage.
  • Use raisins instead of sausage.
  • Use ketchup instead of sauce.
  • Use mustard instead of sauce.
  • Add Anise to your sauce.
  • Add cocoa powder to your sauce.
  • Add liquorice to your sauce.

That should be enough ideas for to last you at least a week.

Can you think of any way I missed? Let me know in the comments!

Also don’t forget to let me know if you’d like to see a post centered on making ravioli from scratch!

I hope you’ll join me again next Saturday night when I ruin another food!

Thanks for reading!

 

A bit of everything 

I have a bit of everything for you tonight, from food to jokes, random thoughts to whatever else I come up with. I hope you enjoy!

————————

A bowl of ice cream is best served thusly:

 Two scoops of vanilla ice cream with brown sugar, chocolate sauce (hot fudge is better) and a strawberry on top. Allow the ice cream to melt just enough to mix with the brown sugar.

————————-

When a parrot stole a pirate’s treasure, which he used it to purchase a snack factory, he told everyone “Polly will never want for a cracker again!”

————————

Blogging should be fun, however some days it can be very hard to come up with ideas, unfortunately there are very few ways to get past the occasional post lacking a firm idea.

————————

Cats are crazy, need I say more?

————————

Weekends are short, blog post should be the same on Friday nights.

————————

 If Julius Caesar had been a cat, might he have said “I came, I saw, I slept.”?

————————
Finally, I leave you tonight with one more joke, it’s a favorite of mine and I hope yours:

A man walked into a truck stop and ordered a hamburger, as an after thought he added “Hold the pickle.”
 A few moments later, Harry, the truck stop’s harried short order chef whose was very hairy, came marching out on the kitchen and thrust a dripping cucumber into the man’s hand, saying “Hold your own pickle!”

Thanks for reading!

Jokes for July 15th

Some how it’s Wednesday night again, I thought I’d have some good jokes for you tonight, but life happened and I ran out of time. All is not lost, however, I have plenty of jokes to fall back on, all I ask is that you try to enjoy this hit jokes and not call them foul. Please enjoy these baseball jokes in honor of the MLB All Star game last night.

—————————

Why was the baseball team of vampires the best in the league?
Because they suck the life out of other team!

Why was a strangler the best player playing against vampires?
Because he choked up on the bats!

Why was a zombie baseball team always the worst of league?
Because they’re always looking for new brains.

How did the carafe make the baseball team?
it was a pitcher.

What do baseballs fear the most?
Bats!

Why is baseball like boxing?
There are lots of hits.

In what career do you get paid to be a thief?
Baseball, the players are always stealing

Why did the omelet refuse to pitch at a certain ballpark?
The fans were always egging him on. 

Why do pack rats make excellent pinch runners?
They are always stealing. 

Why did the venture capitalist buy a baseball team?
He loved great pitches.

Why did the inventor try out for the baseball team?
He had a great pitch.

Why wasn’t the carafe able to become a pitcher for a baseball team?
It had lost its glasses.

The soufflé chef couldn’t make the baseball team as manager because he couldn’t get the batter up.

Why did the cookie baker try out for the baseball team?
He had a great cutter.

When the baseball player went to Los Vegas, he won big at cards, he had an ace on his side.

——————

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed these joke.

Another Monday in July 

It’s another Monday in July, what that means depends on where you are and how you feel about Mondays. If you are like many people, you don’t enjoy Monday.

 What can you do to enjoy Monday’s more? In short,  Ice cream and lemonade. Long answer is ice cream, lemonade, chocolate chip cookies and comic books.

 Unfortunately there really isn’t anyway to combine all of these foods into one, I wouldn’t even suggest trying unless you are going to write your own ruining food post of course.

 Comic books should be light hearted right now, at least for Monday reading, other days of the week can be slightly more intense, though you shouldn’t read anything pulse pounding during these hot summer days.

 Another thing you need to watch out for are overly affectionate cats, cats on your lap are best during the winter, however cats do not necessarily agree and you might find yourself sweltering if your cat decides your lap is better than a ray of sun.

 The most important thing is to relax and enjoy your week.

 Thanks for reading!