Three Fun Things To Do This Weekend

​ Tonight I thought I’d help those of you who might be having trouble deciding what to do this weekend, I hope these ideas entertain you.

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First thing you’ll need is a pet, the next thing is to convince your pet that they are now named Yoric, at least for the weekend. If you can’t convince your pet to be called Yoric, a human will do,  this will likely be easier as you can pay them.

 The second thing  thing you need is a costume, Shakespearian era, two are better than one, put your pet or friend in the second.

 Finally, go walking around your neighborhood, asking everyone you encounter if they have seen Yoric. At so,e point you should arrange to meet Yoric. If you have a human friend playing Yoric, to keep the fun going a lot longer, when you part company, go around talking about how well you know Yoric.

 This is good for hours of fun, you might even end up with many other people joining in the fun, a few might even offer you a jacket, a straight jacket that is.

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The next idea for your weekend required a small list for f things:

  • Vanilla ice cream 
  • Chocolate chips
  • Ice cream scoop
  • Ice cream cones (optional)
  • Strawberries
  • Banana, sliced into small pieces

 You are making ice cream snowmen, so you’ll have some leeway.

 You’ll need three scoops of ice cream, each one smaller than the one before, stack the scoops of ice cream on top of that be another.

 Next take a slice of banana or two depending on the length of the slice and your preference. Insert the banana below the smallest scoop of ice cream.

 Next take your chocolate chips and use them for the features of your snowman, eyes, ears, mouth and coat buttons if desired.

 You can use the end of an ice cream cone for a hat if you wish.

After creating your ice cream snowmen, you’ll be able to tell everyone that you made snowmen over the weekend.

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This idea is perfect for a hot weekend day when you have nothing else to do:

You’ll need:

  • Lemon juice
  • Sugar
  • Honey
  • Various fruits
  • Plenty of cold water
  • Plenty of ice
  • Several pitchers

This fun tasty adventure is trying to make a better lemonade.

 First off you’ll need to make the base for your lemonade, which s just 1 part lemon juice and 3 parts water. Add either sugar or honey to sweeten your lemonade, it is best to sweeten it to your taste, which is why I’m not giving any advice on the amount to add.

 Now that you have your lemonade base, add some fruits to it, this best fruits are juicy ones, this will vastly reduce the amount of time your lemonade needs to sit before you taste it.

 Using other fruit juices instead of whole fruits will also allow you to try the final product quicker.

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Thanks for reading, I hope you’ll have some fun this weekend.

Jokes for August 26th

I have some great jokes for you tonight, in fact I think you’ll be bowled over by how good they are.

 Enjoy!

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Jokes

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A master jewel thief had what he thought was a fool proof hideout in a bowling alley, however one day he was caught, of course he blamed everything on the bowling alley, saying he had been set up.

Two chefs had been feuding for over ten years, finally they decided to hold a contest and see who was the best at baking pound cakes. The contest was held in a bowling alley they both frequented. Needless to say, the spectators were bowled over by the results.

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Whys 

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Why did the bowling ally and the match company merge?
Between the two they had a lot more strikes. 

Why did the pottery master get into a certain sport played in alleys?
He enjoyed bowling.

Why do baseball pitchers make excellent bowlers?
Because they know how to throw strikes.

Why did the hat maker take up coaching people in a certain sport?
She had a knack at making bowlers.

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Whens

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When the kitchen and bowling alley merged what was the first corner they cut?
They only had one type of pin.

When the restaurant and bowling alley merged what did they do?
They had a ball rolling with the pins.

When the grocery store hosted a bowling turnenment in its aisle, the manager advertised that the prices bowled over the customers.

When the two bowling alleys merged, how did they share the profit?
They split the earnings. 

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Did I bowl you over? Did I hit a strike, or strikeouts? Or are you split on if they were funny? Let me know!

 Thanks for reading, I hope at least one of the f these made you chuckle.

Late August lemonade…

Lemonade sometimes tastes better in late August, the reasons are unclear, but it likely has something to do with summer slowly fading away and the realization that lemonade season is coming to a close.

 During these late days of summer, or rather what is typically accepted as the last days of summer, I heartily encourage you to spend as much time as possible drinking lemonade and eating ice cream. If you do, somehow, grow tired of ice cream, I recommend switching to in season fruits, such as watermelon, cantaloupe, peaches or your favorite summer fruit. Remember many fruits can be eaten on top of plain vanilla ice cream.

 Lemonade is something I really don’t think you can get tired of, but if you do, plain water can quickly cure you of this strange affliction.

 As the summer gets closer to surrendering to Fall, you might come to realize that you didn’t get anything major finished this year,meant worry, I have a few quick and easy ideas for you to do before the end of summer:

  1.  Create a comic strip or book, possible characters include Lemonade boy and Ice Creambot.
  2. Write an vastly abridged version of a famous novel, such as War and Peace, something like: Out of War comes Peace. Or: War comes before Peace.
  3. Design and build a working rocket to explore Mars with, projected time, 1 hour, give or take due to technical glitches.
  4. Host an ice cream sculpting contest, don’t forget that a snowman of of ice cream takes only a few minutes to make and can be mighty tasty.

There are many other things you can also do before the end of summer, just open your mnmind d and imagine. Or ignore everything and read a comic book.

Thanks for reading and have a great week!

How to ruin any food: Sloppy Joes

Tonight we’re going to ruin Sloppy Joes, you might love them, you might hate them, but you know what they are.

If you love them, this post should give you a laugh, if you hate them, serve these to your friends to make them hate sloppy joes as well, its win-win tonight!

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

 

History:

At first I was afraid that the history of sloppy joes would be mundane and uninteresting, however I soon learned that the exact origin of it is under debate.

Many people credit a chef named Joe at Floyd Angell’s café in Sioux City, Iowa who added tomato sauce to his loose meat sandwich.

Others prefer to claim that the name has nothing to do with anyone named Joe and instead refers to the slang term for a dinner from the 1920s-1930s.

Some people also claim that a bar in Key West, Florida now called Sloppy Joe’s is where they were first invented. The interesting history behind this theory is the fact that the bar wasn’t originally called Sloppy Joe’s, that name was suggested by none other than Ernest Hemingway.

A few other people stand by their claim that the sloppy joe came from Cuba, via a place called Sloppy Joe’s Saloon.

Regardless of where they came from, many of us enjoy them quite often.

Interesting link with more information:

http://blog.blueapron.com/a-history-of-the-sloppy-jo/

 

What it is:

A sloppy joe is a sandwich composed of ground hamburger mixed with a tomato-based  sauce and served in a hamburger bun, normally with pickles.

How to make them:

Fry up at least a pound of hamburger. Add tomato sauce or ketchup, Worcestershire sauce, mustard, garlic powder, onion and green bell pepper if you want.

Stir it all together, add water if needed to create a sloppy consistency. Serve on a bun and enjoy.

How to ruin them:

Ruining sloppy joes is almost too easy, there are so many things you can change, from the buns to the meat, from the sauce to the spices, it’s one of those foods that the sky is truly the limit on ruining.

As normal, I’m going to break it down into sections:

Buns:

I suggest you just look at my post How to ruin any food: Bread. http://wp.me/p3pFIg-jA

This post has everything you need to know about ruining bread, almost all of which can be used without modification to ruin buns.

Meat:

To ruin the meat for you sloppy joes, there are several ways:

  • Use Italian sausage, this will through the taste off.
  • Use Swedish potato sausage, this will ruin the taste and texture together, giving you a double ruin.
  • Use diced rutabaga, as long as it looks like ground meat, it’s fair game, the odd taste and texture ruins it.
  • Chopped potatoes, same as with rutabaga, odd taste and texture.
  • Don’t cook your meat. This is an extreme step, but just call it rare. Extra ruin points if it is still mostly frozen when you serve it.
  • Tofu, no one likes it, it’ll ruin it easier than any other option.

Sauce:

The sauce might be the most critical part of a sloppy joe, it gives it the taste, part of the texture and adds the required sloppiness.

  • Strawberry jam, sweet, not savory and the seeds get caught in your teeth for added ruin points.
  • Chocolate syrup, some people might like it and it is messy, but it doesn’t belong in sloppy joes and will ruin it for most people.
  • Cranberry sauce, sweet, tart and not at all what anyone expects, plus it’ll give it a bit of an odd cranberry smell.
  • Spaghetti sauce, add some grated Parmesan cheese and an olive and no one will know what they are eating. (note, do not use if substituting Italian sausage.)
  • Melted Neapolitan ice cream, sweet, the color is almost right, but the odd tastes ruin it.

Spices:

Last but not least are spices. While garlic is the most common spice, along with onion and mustard, you want to avoid those when ruining this sandwich, try these spices instead:

  • Cinnamon
  • Curry powder
  • Dill
  • Fennel (unless using spaghetti sauce or Italian sausage)
  • Turmeric.
  • Anise

There you go, plenty of ways to ruin sloppy joes. Do you have a favorite way to ruin them that I didn’t mention? Let me know in the comments!

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it

What cats think of quotes

 Tonight I’m pleased to bring you two cats and their views on some famous and not so famous quotes. I found this quite interesting and I hope you will too!

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Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer, The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles. – Hamlet

Cat 1: You’ll need a sling if you step on my tail at night again, or maybe a full body cast! I’ll show you a sea of troubles!
Cat 2: Slings and arrows? What about my claws and whiplike tail? You still worried about slings and arrows? Though I don’t like water, seas are full of water, right?

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I came, I saw, I conquered. – Julius Caesar 

Cat 1: and I slept through the whole thing!
Cat 2: I only conquer mice and cat food, though come to think about it, I think I now claim a all laps and beds in my dominion.

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Is he alone who has courage on his right hand and faith on his left hand? -Charles Lindbergh 

Cat 1: I’m got a mouse in my right paw and a moth in my left, does that count?
Cat 2: I’ve got claws on both paws, they never fight alone, wanna see?

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They that govern the most make the least noise. – John Selden 

Cat 1: I sleep most of the day and I’m quiet while I do, guess I govern this house!
Cat 2: I don’t know, I find a few meows here and there gets a lot done.

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I can imagine no society which does not embody some method of arbitration. – Herbert Read

Cat 1: Welcome to my society, my meow is law.
Cat 2: I can’t imagine a society where you don’t sleep 20 hours a day or more.

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The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. -Lao Tzu

Cat 1: A thousand miles? A single step? Couldn’t you just take a plane and skip the walking so I can sleep?

Cat 2: Sure, but did you know that the journey of a thousand naps starts with a single yawn?

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That’s all I was able to get from those cats tonight, these quotes tired them out. If you enjoyed reading these retorts of quotes from cats, let me know in the comments.

Thanks for reading!

R.I.P Yvonne Craig

The talented actress Yvonne Craig has died at 78.

 While she began her career in movies in 1957, she quickly turned to TV and became a versatile actress doing both movies and tv shows for a number of years in a variety of roles.

 She was also a talented dancer, which she utilized in many of her parts.

 She was in movies with the likes of Bing Crosby and Elvis and many more.

 She was best known as Batgirl in the last season of the 1960s Batman TV series and for a single appearance in Star Trek as an Orion.

 While she may never have been a household name, she left her mark  in many TV shows and movies over the years.

She will not be forgotten by fans of many of the shows and movies she was in.

August-y days

Now that August is over halfway through, the weather is beginning to act up, winds are picking up and odd cold fronts are moving around, bring many of us an early preview of Fall.

 To combat the wind and suddenly cooler weather, which will only stay around a day or two, we can begin preparing ourselves for Fall and Winter.

The first thing you need to do is to make sure all of your old comics are still in good shape, look for rusting staples, bent pages and any other major damage. Some of this damage can be repaired, a bent page can be straightened, staples replaced, but for those beloved old comics that have seen better days, those comics you have read over and over, always knowing what was about to happen but secretly wishing that just this once you had somehow woken up in an alternate universe where your favorite hero didn’t die in issue #27 only to be brought back in issue #32 in the oddest way that made no sense save the hero (or sidekick as the case may be) was the only one who could defeat the evil arch villain in issues #49 before going on to his (or her) own short lived spinoff comics c book, those comic books are better off being replaced, or rather having a second copy around so you can read it whenever you want to during the winter.

 The next thing you should do is make a rough plan for how many cups of hot chocolate you plan on drinking this Winter, double the amount (you never drink just one mug a day, do you?) and then begin the arduous process of calculating how much of what you’ll need to make those cups of hot chocolate.

 Now that you have done that much work, grab a glass of lemonade and a handful of chocolate chip cookies, the latest issue of your favorite comic book and relax, remember, it’s not everyday I f the summer that chocolate chip cookies don’t melt when you look at them.

 Thanks for reading and have a great week.

How to ruin any food: Potato Salad

Tonight we are ruining potato salad. For those of you who dislike potatoes, this post should help you convince others to think as we do. Just remember that we have nothing again french fries, but that’s another post.

Are you ready? Beware, you might get egg on your face.

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

History:

For such a staple in our time, it is odd that there is not more information on the history of potato salad. I had expected to find some concrete history, however there really isn’t any. The most quoted refrain is that potato salad is linked to Spanish explores as they discovered potatoes in South America in the 16th century while searching for gold.

However almost as many people credit the Germans for creating potato salad.

While there is no way to know for certain who invented potato salad, I can promise that we’ll ruin it tonight.

What it is:

Potato salad is basically a bunch of cooked potatoes chopped up and mixed with hard-boiled eggs and mayonnaise.

How it’s made:

Take cooked potatoes, chop them into pieces, cubes are preferred by many. Dice your hard-boiled eggs and add to your potatoes. Mix in enough mayonnaise to bind everything together, add relish or celery and whatever other spices you normally use, mix everything together and chill, serve by plopping a scoop on someone’s plate.

How to ruin it:

Potato salad is surprisingly easy to ruin, to make everything easier, I’m breaking it down into several parts.

Potatoes:

The potato is the first thing to ruin and surprisingly easy.

The first obvious thing to do is to use raw, uncooked potatoes, this is an easy way to ruin potato salad as the potatoes should turn an unappetizing brown..

Another way is to use turnips instead, this will startle everyone who tastes it and is another easy way to ruin it.

You could also use a mix of turnips and potatoes.

Sweet potatoes are another interesting option, however it might become a favorite of anyone who tries it.

A much more time-consuming way to ruin it is to use only potato skins.

One last way is to use Idaho Spud candy bars ( http://idahospud.com/bar-idahospud.html ) in place of real potatoes, this will result in a very sticky mess and will ensure a ruined batch of potato salad.

 

Eggs:

The egg is another easy way to ruin a batch of potato salad.

Raw eggs are the easiest way to ruin a batch of potato salad, combined with raw potatoes, there is no way anyone would eat it.

My favorite way to ruin the eggs are to take creme Easter eggs and use those instead, however if used with the Idaho Spud bars, you have created a great dessert.

Mayonnaise:

Ruining Mayonnaise could almost have a post of its own, there are so many ways to ruin it. Here are a few:

  • Vanilla frosting
  • Whipped cream
  • A chilled white sauce with lumps
  • Alfredo sauce
  • Root beer
  • Cola

Any of those will create a potato salad that is ruined.

Spices\relish:

Cinnamon, cloves or nutmeg are perfect spices for ruining the flavor of potato salad.

 

Instead of pickle relish, try one of these:

    • Salsa
    • Tomatillo salsa, green and perfect to fool anyone into thinking it is regular pickle relish.

 

    Chocolate chips

That’s all the ways I have to ruin potato salad tonight, did I miss any? Let me know in the comments!

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it

A little bit of everything, bring your own stick to shake

Tonight I’m going to try to give you a bit of everything, or at least a few interesting or funny things, go ahead, try to shake a stick at it.

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Apple is having an event of f September 9th, in addition to the rumors of new iPhones, iPads and other tech wonders, it is widely believed that Apple will finally offer solid proof that an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

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The recent weather across the world, odd as it may have been, is not expected to put a crimp on this years record harvest of candy corn. However due to political correctness, it is no longer being called candy corn, as the name might offend someone, henceforth it is to be called “a tasty sweet that is shaped like a triangle in an attempt to replicate a vegetable.” This candy also is not to be called a vegetable until congressional hearings are held to discuss the matter.

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Cats are odd, enough said.

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With summer beginning to draw to a close, you can begin to hear crickets. The sound they make can drive some people crazy, while others enjoy it.

However there is go getting around the fact the summer is nearly over, as unfair as that may be, only the British can get away with saying its ‘not cricket ‘.

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 It looks like Greece is getting its bailout. I haven’t read any of the details, I’m not an accountant, so I think it would be Greek to me.

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Thanks for reading I hope you got a chuckle. 

Jokes for August 12th

Tonight I have a bunch of bad jokes for you, I’m almost afraid that they are too bad and you’ll pan them, but they have to see the light of day, so to speak, so it’s out of the notebook and into the pan. Enjoy!

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Golden jokes

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A museum had a problem, they had run out of new exhibits, so the directors decided to run a contest and invited local artists to enter their works for a chance to when a million dollars.
 Everyone who considered themselves artist (and many who didn’t) entered their works. After giving the public a chance to vote and debating the art works for weeks, the directors narrowed the field down to two artists and asked them to enter a second work of art.
 The first artist slaved over a painting for days until he was mostly satisfied. The second artist (who mined gold of the weekends), entered a wall of mining equipment.
 When the directors were looking at the miner’s entry, one asked him if he had titled it, the miner replied “it’s a ram made outta gold mining pans, so I call it my Pan-o-Rama.”

Why was the prospector always happy even in the worst emergencies?
He knew everything would pan out. 

Why did the prospector never go hungry?
There was always something in his pans. 

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Half baked funnies

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Why did the cake batter hate telling jokes to chefs?
They always panned. 

Why did the chef enjoy telling jokes as he poured out the cake batter?
Because his jokes always panned out. 

Why did the prospector start a restaurant?
Because he was an expert with pans. 

How do mechanics fry their French fries?
In an oil pan. 

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I hope at least one of these jokes made you chuckle.

Thanks for reading!