Through the eyes of cats

Tonight I thought I’d do something fun and a little different, I’m going to take ordinary things we see everyday and give you an idea how a cat see them. I hope you enjoy.

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An egg:

1. An object that rolls, breaks easily and annoys people if they step on a broken one, in other words the perfect toy.

2. A kind of food that is good fun boiled, make sure to want one right out of the water, this way the human preparing it will act funny.

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A cellphone:

An object humans obsess over, it is also fun to rub against and to sleep on.

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A glass of water:

Something to drink out of, either by sticking your younger and head into, or by dipping your paw in before licking the water off said paw.

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A dinner roll:

A fun toy that squishes while you play with it. It is also fun to chomp down on before you send it sailing down a flight of stairs.

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A pen:

 A long object that humans play with that is wonderful for biting and whacking across the room. For some reason humans dislike cats joining in this game.

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A shoe:

A wonderful toy that has strings that just beg to be pounced on. Humans wear these on their feet, which makes them smell, but the laces are too inviting to ignore. If one of these is found off of a foot, it can provide hours of fun.

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I hope you enjoyed these, I enjoyed writing them. Let me know if you’d like to see more of these.

Thanks for reading!

Farewell to The Late Show with David Letterman 

Even though it’s Wednesday night, I do not have any jokes for you. Tonight is a night when history is being made, it’s the last episode of The Late Show with David Letterman.

After being a fixture on late night CBS tv for 22 years, we’re losing an icon tonight.

Known for his monologue, top ten lists, skits and celebrity guests (many of whom were almost as funny as Dave Letterman himself), he leaves large shoes to fill, which no one will ever manage to do.

A few amazing stats:

There have been 4264 episodes.

The Late Show with David Letterman has been visited by Regis Philbin 150 times, while Jack Hanna appeared in 102 episodes.

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 I want to take a moment to thank David Letterman for all the humor he’s create during the past 30 years he’s been hosting a late night talk show.

 While the Late Show with David Letterman is ending, it will not be forgotten.

 For myself, besides Dave Letterman himself, I’ll miss the Top Ten lists and Small Town News the most, followed by the monologue and Jake Hanna with all of the amazing animals he’d bring in.

Good bye, Mr. Letterman, you’ll be missed. Thank you for all the laughs.

May we have some extra time?

With how fast the month of May is going, many people are likely to be asking just that question, unfortunately the answer is a resounding ‘unlikely’. However we can do our best to maximize what time remains in this month.

There are two ways to attempt to slow time down: you can stay busy every waking moment of the day and hope you’ll be surprised at how much you get done in a short period of time. Or you can sit back, relax and hope that time begins to drag because you have nothing to do. Neither of these tactics really work, however.

Thus we may as well spend the next week sitting back, reading our favorite comic books, drinking lemonade and eating cookies and brownies.

 Our largest question we need to answer is what kind of cookies and lemonade should we have this week? Chocolate chip cookies? Oatmeal cookies? Something new? Regular lemonade, or pink lemonade?

 While the answer to these questions depend of your tastes, I can give you a word of advice: you can only live this week once, so be true to yourself, if you want something new, try it, otherwise stay with what you know and enjoy.

 What interesting kinds of cookies can you try? One option is a strawberry cookie using chunks of strawberries: http://cookingwithawallflower.com/2015/05/18/strawberry-cookies/#more-6751

Whatever you eat, drink or read this week, make sure that you take a few minutes to play with your cat, he will enjoy and just maybe time will slow done.

 Thanks for reading and have a great week!

How to ruin any food: Toast

That’s right, I’m ruining toast tonight. Once I’m finished with this post, toast will be toast, so to speak.

I hope you enjoy!

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

History:

While the origins of bread are hazy at best, many archeologists believe that it was first created in ancient Egypt as a way to extend the time bread could be eaten.

However an equally popular theory is that it was invented by the ancient Romans, partly due to the fact that the word ‘Toast’ comes from the Latin word ‘Tostum’.

It is generally thought that toast might have been first created by placing slices of toast before a fire until they browned.

Interesting sites with further information about toast:

http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2013/10/history-toast/

http://the-toast.net/2013/12/09/brief-history-toast/

 

What it is:

Toast is a slice of bread that has been heated (either in a toaster or over a fire) until the outside starts to brown. It is removed before it burns (hopefully).

How to make it:

Making toast is simple, everyone knows how to make bread, don’t you?

However early toasters were very interesting things, before electricity they were used either over a fire or on wood burning stoves.

There were two basic ways to make toast, either a special device placed over the heat source, or a fork that the bread was placed on and then held over the heat.

An interesting site with many early toasters is the toaster museum: http://www.toaster.org/index.html

How to ruin it:

Ruining toast isn’t the easiest, however we have three basic ways to do it: the bread itself, the toasting process and lastly the topping, assuming you put something on top of your toast.

  The bread:

First we’ll start with the bread. While most people use store-bought white or whole wheat bread to make toast, to ruin toast we need to go to a bit more work.

First off I suggest you glance at my post on ruining bread:

https://mageowl.wordpress.com/2014/09/21/how-to-ruin-any-food-bread/

Any of those ideas will turn a normal slice of bread into an odd and disgusting piece of toast, successfully ruining it.

Now if you’re pressed for time, take an unusual kind of bread, such as Rye bread or any other kind of bread not normally thought of as being a toasting bread.

Toasting:

While a good piece of toast is browned just enough, a ruined piece will be much darker, nearly burned. If using Rye bread, you can toast it much farther as the bread is all ready dark to begin with.

This is one case where the darker the better, or the better ruined rather.

However you can also try toasting it very slightly so it’s neither warm or crusty when you bite into it.

Toppings:

Everyone puts something on their toast, be it butter, honey or even jam.

To ruin the topping of your toast you need a bit of imagination, not everything has to be as it seems.

Whipped cream looks close enough to whipped butter that many people won’t even know the difference until they taste it.

A scoop of vanilla ice cream is also a good option, however if it starts to melt the surprise is ruined and it won’t be quite as ruined.

Like jam on your toast? Try tomato jam.

Like honey on your toast? Try mixing your honey with a bit of root beer, cool it and it’ll be nice and thick, the difference in the taste will surprise anyone and should ruin your toast.

There are likely many more options to top your bread with and I’d like to hear what you come up with.

 

There you go, a number of ways to ruin toast! Give it some thought and come up with your own way, feel free to share it in the comments!

Thanks for reading, I hope you’ll join me again next week when we ruin another food!

Odd insights

I have a few odd insights into ordinary things you see every day, I hope you enjoy.

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Cats are behind everything

If you watch any cat, you’ll notice that they seldom walk or run in a straight line.

 Look at any modern road construction project, you’ll notice that it will have curves, zigs and even zags, all for no purpose. It’s obvious that cats are behind all road construction.

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Take a look at the meals being made on nearly any cooking show, next look at the new flavored of cat food, you’ll notice a certain overlap, which proves cats are in control of all food preparation.

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The sky isn’t blue (at least not all the time)

It’s normal for people to say ‘is the sky blue?’ In a sarcastic way, but in truth it isn’t always blue. At night most people would call the sky black, when it rains the sky is grey, due to the clouds. Thus the next time someone asks you that question, you can tell them not always.

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Blogging can be hard

Blogging can be hard, you might not have any ideas, you might not have much time, or a cat could easily stop you, either by taking over your keyboard or needing his ears scratched.

Also, you might encounter the horrors of autocorrect and spell check, either one can ruin your post, together your post about cooking a bowl of chili can become a missive about the downfall of the Roman Empire.

Autocorrect can even turn a simple word such as while into something inexplicable such as explain honk.

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You also have the odd formatting errors, where every word is jammed together in one paragraph, which can make it hard to read. This is one problem I’m having more and more often lately.

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 I hope you enjoyed this post. Thanks for reading!

.Jokes for May 15th

I’ve got some jokes for you tonight, a pun or two, a few riddles and a few of the same from nearly a year ago, I hope you enjoy!

Joke:

When a mythical land accessible only via hot air balloon or tornado had a survey of dogs, they found Chihuahuas to be at the bottom of the toto pole

Whys
Why did the astronaut take off right as the rain storm was ending?
He wanted to go somewhere over the rainbow.
Why did the bank robber take up fishing?
He found a pond full of fins.
Whats
What did one fish say to the other when the a box of cash fell into the river?
Those are odd looking fins.
What happens when you cross a fish with a boxer?
You either get a fishy dog or a fighter with a fin.

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Oldies but still as funny (or not):


The bank robbers planned everything out in advance, unfortunately the one in charge of the getaway took the idea of being on the lam too seriously and brought lambs with saddles to the hold up.


How are fish men like vampires?

They both always are looking for bites.


Did you hear about the crazy inventor who built an airplane shaped like a chronometer? He became a time traveler.

I hope you’ve enjoyed these jokes tonight.

Thanks for reading!

May the weather be nice for a change?

After a week of rain and a weekend that had more rain and even snow, cats everywhere are asking that question. Luckily for them, and those of us who have to amuse them during rainy days, the answer appears to be yes, the weather will be quite a bit nicer here in Denver this week.

 Now that the weather is nicer, we can get back to our normal lives, which involves (or at least should involve) comic books, chocolate chip cookies and good beverages. True, there are some times other things that need our attention, but those are the most important.

 What is better than a nice warm chocolate chip cookie fresh out of the oven? A  double chocolate chip cookie fresh out of the oven. While not something to indulge in daily, such a cookie is twice as much chocolate crammed into the same amount of cookie.

 What should we do while waiting for our cookies to bake? Read a comic book of course. Comic books are uniquely suited to kitchens if you think about it for a moment, they are easy to store, most are thin enough to stick anywhere they will be out of the way, plus they are a quick read for whenever you have a few minutes while you are waiting for something to be ready.

Thanks for reading.

How to ruin any food: Pineapple upside-down cake

Tonight we’re going to ruin the pineapple upside-down cake, a cake everyone has tasted and likely has enjoyed. I hope you get a few interesting ideas from this post.

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

 

History:

While upside down cakes have existed in one form or another since the middle ages, adding pineapple to them is a relatively new idea, only possible since the invention of canned pineapple in roughly 1888 purportedly by a retired sailor. Still it wasn’t until James Drummond Dole’s plant opened up with a machine that could peel and core pineapples much faster.

A contest in 1925 for pineapple recipes was held and the pineapple upside-down cake was introduced to the wide world.

You might find these sites interesting:

A wonderful source for information:

http://revolutionarypie.com/2015/05/07/pineapple-upside-down-cake/

This site has lots of interesting facts about pineapples: http://www.kitchenproject.com/history/Pineapple/

 

What it is:

A pineapple upside-down cake is a cake with sliced pineapples baked on the bottom of the cake and inverted before serving, allowing the pineapple and the slight sauce it makes during baking to be on the top.

 

How to make it:

A pineapple upside down cake can be made by melting some butter in the bottom of a baking pan, adding some brown sugar, then placing the sliced pineapples on top. Pour the batter for a pound cake or other heavy yellow cake on top and bake as per the cake batter instructions.

Once the cake has cooled slightly, invert it on a cake plate and watch as your cake appears.

Some people place cherries in the center of the pineapple slices as well.

 

How to ruin it:

Ruining a pineapple upside down cake is fairly simple. There are plenty of ways to ruin it, all you need to do is decide how ruined you want it.

The cake:

You normally use a heavier cake for an upside down cake, like a pound cake, this is so the heavy fruit and juices stay on top when it’s inverted. To ruin the cake, use the lightest cake you can, such as an angle food cake. When you invert either the slice or the whole cake, the light cake won’t be able to hold up to the wight and sauce and will collapse, becoming something fairly disgusting and ruining it.

 

The butter and sugar mixture:

Instead of using butter and brown sugar, try using root beer instead.

If you want to go a bit further, try a combination of soy sauce and pepper, or sweet and sour sauce with cabbage.

There are many other combinations your can use, let me know what you come up with in the comments.

The pineapple:

Ah, the pineapple. This is the final and most critical part of the upside down cake, it’s also an easy one to ruin.

First of all you can just take a cup of pineapple juice and add it to the butter and sugar mixture to keep it a pineapple upside down cake, instead of sliced pineapples, use onions, possibly soaked in yellow food coloring.

You could also use apples and put a pine branch on top after you cut it, in this case there is a space between pine and apple.

If you want to stay with using pineapple itself, don’t worry, you can still ruin a pineapple upside down cake without changing anything much. Simply get a fresh pineapple and use the core instead of the good part of the flesh, it’s hard and chewy (to say the least) and perfect to ruin your cake.

You could also you the skin of the pineapple,, you wouldn’t want to eat it, but it would be pineapple.

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That covers the basics of ruining a pineapple upside down cake. So what do you think? Did I ruin it? Could you do better? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this post and I hope you’ll join me again next week as we ruin another food!

Humor for May 8th

Tonight I have some random humor for you, I hope you enjoy!

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While the rain in Spain might be known to fall on certain plains, the rain in Denver is much less selective, it’ll fall everywhere and on anyone.

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With this Sunday being Mother’s Day here In the U.S. there are three things you know sell well here in Denver: flowers, candy and snow shovels.

Yes snow shovels, it’s mothers day and that means snow, possibly a lot of it too.

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Cats enjoy sun, they don’t like rain very well, that’s a fact everyone knows. A cat that hasn’t seen the sun for most of a week due to rain isn’t happy, two cats that haven’t seen the sun are even less happy.

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With the droughts around the world right now, the story about time to rewrite one oft quoted bit of Shakespeare: Mosture, by any other name, would still be wet”

Or “If rain by the bearer of Mosture, drizzle on.”

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The only thing worse than a rainy weekend is a rainy weekend without an excuse not to do anything.

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If you take the time to watch commercials, you see some strange names, such as a cruise line that is named after a well known historic civilization of Raiders, what’s next? A cruise line called Blackbeard? 

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 I hope you got a few chuckles from this post. Thanks for reading!


Jokes for May 6th – corrected

Wednesday night again, where is the week going? Are you ready for some funny jokes? What about some slightly humorous puns, riddles and other jokes? Hopeful these will be more than modestly funny, no matter what I promise you that you doughnut want to miss these!

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Jokes:


A baker bought a circus on a lark. After spending several months changing the acts and substituting other chefs for the performers, he opened to the public, declaring “doughnut miss it!”

A baker was blackmailed by a bank robber. The bank robber wanted the baker to rob a bank for him. The baker pretended to go along with the plan even as he informed the police. When the bank robber was arrested, he asked the baker why he went to the cops, the baker replied “I like dough as much as anyone, but I doughnut want to go to jail.”

When the jockey ate a pastry before every race, people began to say he was a dough nut.
When the startup needed cash to expand, it turned to someone who knew about cash, a doughnut.
 
When the bakery ran out a key ingredient, they had to substitute cola before the cooked the doughnuts, when a customer asked why the doughnuts tasted odd, the baker replied that they used a new kind of baking soda.
Others:


Why did the banker start a bakery?
He was a doughnut.

W
hat did the almond become when it fell in to a vat of batter?
A doughnut.


What type of golf course holes do bakers enjoy?
Doughnut holes.

Failed joke:
It never fails, at least one joke that should work doesn’t, still I’ll let you read it, maybe you can fix it, if so post it in the comments.

When the software company merged with the bakery, they developed doughnuts that could record data like CDs, they called them Cdoughnuts.

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I hope you’ve enjoyed these jokes tonight. Thanks for reading!

Sorry for the earlier formatting errors, I think I have all of them corrected now.