Humor for May 18th

This has been a quick week again and I’m afraid I’ve neglected my blog so far, sorry about that.

 I’m doing something a bit different for my jokes tonight, let me know what you think of it. I’m taking an old joke of mine and trying to change it around and make it funnier.

 

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Old joke

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A city slicker was visiting a farm, he asked the farmer how things were growing, the farmer said everything was coming up roses. The city slicker congratulated the farmer, to which the farmer said “Thing is, I planted beets.”

 

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New jokes

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 Joe was hiking through the countryside seeing what he could see. As he walked down a dirt roar, he saw a man in coveralls standing next to a rusty tractor and staring at the field.

  Joe asked how things were growing, the man in the coveralls just shrugged and pointed to a few plants that were in bloom next to a pile of boards.

 Roses? Joe asked.

The man in the coveralls turned to Joe and said “What do I know about plants? Yesterday I had a house here!”

 

 Alfred was riding his bike in a ten day race when he lost his way. As he peddled along a deserted back road, he saw a man in a field. With a sigh of relief he rode up to the fence and asked for directions.

 After the farmer helped Alfred, Alfred asked how the farm was doing. The farmer scratched his chin and replied that everything was growing like weeds.

That’s good, Alfred replied. Thing is, the farmer drawled, I planted vegetables. Now beet it.

 

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 I hope you got a chuckle out of these jokes. Thanks for reading!

What is steampunk. Part 2

I hope you enjoyed last weeks post on steampunk, tonight I’ll go a into a bit more detail on what steampunk is.

 

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 While steampunk is mostly focused on steam powered devices, it is common to have clockwork devices as well, though there is a fine line between steampunk and clockpunk, though in some cases it’s a line that can easily become blurred.

 In general, as long as there is some kind of steam powered device included in some form, you can have clockwork devices as well.

 Clockwork devices can be used for much more than just telling time,  such as clockwork animals that can be wound up to ask like a real animal, for instance. Clockwork knights are also popular.

 Clockwork devices can also be used in conjunction with steam powered devices. With enough imagination anything is possible, which is quite likely why steampunk is continuing to become more popular.

  

 Another thing that almost every steampunk story mentions in some form are airships. These airships are basically blimps or zeppelins of various designs, they can be used as warships, pirate ships or simply are passenger ships.  

 

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I’m breaking this post into multiple parts in hopes that it will be easier to understand in small parts.
 I hope you’re enjoying these steampunk posts, if you have any questions or comments on it, feel free to post in the comments below.
 Thanks for reading, next week I’ll have more on what steampunk is.

Cheesy humor for May 11th

It’s another Wednesday night again and I’ve managed to come up with a few jokes tonight, I hope you enjoy these cheesy jokes tonight!

 

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Why does no one at the dairy ever get lost?

Because they always know the whey.

 

  

What did the witch ask the dairyman?

Which way do I go to find which whey is the witch whey?

 

  

When the cheese maker related his greatest secret to his apprentice, he gave him this riddle:

Mind your whey if you want to find your way, else you might find you’re stuck with the wrong whey.

 

  

The first question any cheese maker apprentice asks when making new cheeses is: which whey is the right whey?

 

When the eccentric winemaker planted slices of cheese in his vineyard, he said he was raisen’ cheese.

 

What kind of movies do dairy workers enjoy the most?

Cheesy ones.

 

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I hope you enjoyed these jokes tonight.

 If you’re interested in similar jokes, don’t forget about my cheesy jokes from last year, though it seems to be having some trouble with the formatting: https://mageowl.wordpress.com/2015/03/05/jokes-for-march-4th/

 

Thanks for reading!

Another Monday gone

Another Monday is all but gone, which is normally a nice thing.

Mondays are nothing more than another day, but sometimes they can feel like several odd days jammed into one. Other times, a Monday can seem like a normal day, yet you wait for something odd to happen.

 

 We’re getting close to lemonade season,  which is always a good thing. Is there anything better than a nice cold glass of lemonade on a hot day? I don’t think so.

 However the plain old lemonade that everyone enjoys seems to being modified into something new with the addition of other fruits and herbs, such as blackberries or mint. I’m not quite sold on the ideas that I’ve seen, however I’m willing to keep an open mind and I intend to try a few of these additions.

 

 I’m afraid that I didn’t do a very good job blogging last week, I hope to change that this week.

 

Thanks for reading, have a great weekend!

What is Steampunk? Part 1

What is steampunk? That’s the question you might have asked yourself after my first steampunk post last week, tonight I’ll try to answer that question to the best of my ability.

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 Steampunk can encompass many things. While it started as, basically, a modern take on Victorian sci-fi, it has grown to even include fantasy elements such as magic, elves and much more. Swords are almost as common a weapon in steampunk as flintlock pistols.

 

 In regards to the sci-fi angle, it started simply enough, with the kind of inventions you’d read of in a novel by Jules Verne or H.G. Wells. Now it has grown to include more advanced technology. Most of the advanced technologies in a steampunk story has been… reversed engineered shall we say? In any case, the modern technologies used in steampunk are modified to run on steam power, normally with a steam engine built into it.

 That said, there are a few steampunk novels that use an alternate universe setting, each one with its own take on cross universe travel, which while interesting and serving the story, it seems to skirt the edges of steampunk and normal sci-fi.

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I’m breaking this post into multiple parts in hopes that it will be easier to understand in small parts.

 I hope you’re enjoying these steampunk posts, if you have any questions or comments on it, feel free to post in the comments below.

 Thanks for reading, next week I’ll have more on what steampunk is.

Humor for May 4th

It’s another Wednesday night, so it’s time for some humor! The Kentucky Derby is this Saturday, so I came up with a few new horse racing related jokes, along with a few old standbys. I hope you enjoy them!

 

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Classics 

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When the jockey ate a pastry before every race, people began to say he was a dough nut.

 

Why did the jockey carry a horse shoe at night?

Because he couldn’t carry a lucky star.

 

While flipping pancakes, a chef was asked what horse would win the derby, he said it was a toss up.

 

When the vampire lost his bet on the derby for the hundredth time, it drove him batty.

 

Why do vampires hate horse races?

Because of the stakes.

  

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New jokes

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What kind of hats do jockeys prefer?

Derbies.
 

How many hats do horse jockeys own?

Three crowns.
 

What did the dentist tell the jockey he needed at his next visit?

A triple crown.
 

Why can jockeys always find who they are looking for in a forest?

They know a few things about tracks.

 

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That’s all the humor I have for tonight.

Thanks for reading!

How to ruin any food: Oatmeal cookies

I guess it’s been quite awhile since I ruined a food, tonight I hope to make up for that.

I’m  going to ruin oatmeal cookies tonight, if you enjoy oatmeal cookies, I’m sorry. If you dislike oatmeal cookies and wish more people did, make a batch of these for your friends and I promise you they won’t enjoy oatmeal cookies anymore!

Please note that I’m ruining pure oatmeal cookies tonight, not oatmeal raisin cookies, those are worth a post of their own one day.

Are you ready?

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

 

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What it is:

 

An oatmeal cookie is a flat cookie normally made with rolled oats. Some oatmeal cookies are frosted or iced, while others are enjoyed plain.

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History of oatmeal cookies:

The origins of oatmeal cookies are hazy at best, just like the best foods that I’ve ruined here.

A common belief is that oatmeal cookies are descended from oat cakes made by the Scots and British. At some point during the middle ages raisins were added.

It appears that what we know as an oatmeal cookie today didn’t really exist before some time in the 1880s, roughly.

For more information of the probable origins of oatmeal cookies and the history of oats and oatmeal in general, I heartily recommend the following site:

http://www.foodtimeline.org/foodcookies.html#oatmeal

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How to make oatmeal cookies:

Oatmeal cookies are among the easier cookies to make, they can contain as few six ingredients or quite a few more, depending on the recipe you use.

A basic oatmeal cookie recipe looks something like this:

 

1 cup butter

1 cup brown sugar

1 & 1/2 cups flour

2 eggs

1  & 1/2 cups rolled oats

1 tsp vanilla

Mix everything together and bake at 350° until golden brown, roughly 10 minutes.

 

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How to ruin them:

 

Now we come to the fun part, ruining the oatmeal cookie!

There are many ways of ruining this cookie, odd as it may seem for such a simple cookie.

 

Oats:

The first place to start is with the oatmeal itself.

  • Use oat grass (the edible stalk of the plant that produces the oat) and corn meal. You’ll end up with something nice and ruined, but yet healthy.
  • Use whole oats, this will result in an inedible cookie, effectively ruining the cookie.
  • Make your cookie without outs of any kind and bake them, as soon as you remove them from the oven press a handful of dried rolled oats on the top, while still edible, they will be dry and unappetizing.
  • Make a dry gruel out of your oatmeal and bake without any addition. These will be nasty tasting and ruined.
  • Soak your oats briefly in water with blue or green food coloring, with luck anyone eating one will be wondering if it’s moldy.

While there are likely other ways to ruin the oats, I think these are enough for tonight.

Butter:

Ah, butter, another wonderful way to ruin anything.

The easiest way to ruin butter is to add food coloring to it, I prefer blue or green, of course, but purple or red will work just as well.

Brown your butter first: melt it in a pan and cook until it turns brown, this supposedly  increases the taste, however we want to go well beyond browned to nearly blackened, then allow it to harden up again before using it, this will add a nice burnt taste to your oatmeal cookies, which at the very least will have your guests glancing at the bottom of the cookie to see if it did burn, which will ruin the experience of eating the cookie.

 

There are many other ways of ruining butter, such as replacing it with rancid lard, but I think the ideas I’ve mentioned are enough for tonight.

Frosting/icing

If you want to frost or ice your oatmeal cookies, there are many ways to do that which will ruin them. I suggest using mashed potatoes or sour cream.

For more ideas, please check out my post on ruining frosting: https://mageowl.wordpress.com/2015/12/06/how-to-ruin-any-food-frosting/

Other ways:

There are a number of other ways to ruin oatmeal cookies:

  • Bake them until they are blackened.
  • Under bake them so they are still gooey.
  • Add cayenne powder to the batter.
  • Add curry powder to the batter.
  • Bake them six months in advance.
  • Add root beer to the dough.

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That’s all the ideas I have right now for ruining oatmeal cookies, have I missed any? Let me know in the comments!

Thanks for reading!

 

Steampunk post #1

While I don’t like this title, it’s the best I had tonight.

 

 It can be hard to know where to begin in regards to steampunk. Therefore I’m going to try to take it one part at a time over the next few weeks.

 My blog isn’t going to become steampunk centered, but I’ll likely have one post a week. If there are any parts of steampunk that you want me to go deeper into, feel free to let me know.

  

 Steampunk is a separate genre from the other related genres, such as clock punk, diesel punk, sandal punk, ect.

The main differences between the genres is that steampunk always uses steam to power interesting devices, as opposed to clock punk that focuses on clockwork powered devices, however there is a lot of crossover between the two genres.

I use the term genre a bit loosely here, as steampunk has moved from books to cosplay and general decorations.

 Over the next few weeks I’ll be covering the history of steampunk, the tropes associated with it, airships and even a few of my favorite steampunk books.

 I hope you’ll enjoy this series of posts.

Thanks for reading.

Humor for April 27th

Believe it or not, it’s Wednesday night again, which means it’s time for some humor!

 I have a few jokes, puns and general bits of humor for you tonight, I hope you enjoy!

 

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Why did the flower grower take up shipbuilding in April?

Because he needed a few Mayflowers.

 

 

What did the inspector say when the box of eggs was pushed off a table?

That they were knocked off.

 

 

When a ghost starts to drink, you might say that the spirit was in good spirits.

  

 

The soufflé chef couldn’t make the baseball team as manager because he couldn’t get the batter up.

 

 An artist who specialized in carving marble statues was hired to carve a statue out of cheese, he worked diligently on it. His employer checked in to see how the statue was coming, the artist just said “So far so Gouda.”

 

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I hope you enjoyed the humor tonight. Thanks for reading!