Jokes for October 7th

Three things have converged tonight:

  1. It’s Wednesday night, joke night.
  2. It’s October, time for spooky stuff.
  3. Baseball playoffs are in full swing.

Just what does this mean you might wonder, it means that at least for tonight, I’ve got jokes that feature baseball and monsters of one kind or another. I hope you enjoy!


Why do catchers hate pitchers who are vampires?
They drive the catcher batty.

Why was the baseball team of vampires the best in the league?
Because they suck the life out of other team!

Why was a strangler the best player playing against vampires?
Because he choked up on the bats!

Why was a zombie baseball team always the worst of league? 
Because they’re always looking for new brains.

Why did the zombie pitcher get cut from the team?
He had no arm.

A werewolf was looking forward to attending a baseball game, he had won a ticket that included a chance to get a picture taken with the stars of the team, unfortunately for the werewolf he tripped and fell against the mascot, which was an old star with a bat, just as the moon rose. The headline said it all ‘Silver slugger knocks out wolf.’

What do baseballs fear the most?

Why was the baseball team of spirits not expected to win?
They didn’t have a ghost of a chance.

Why was the werewolf chimney cleaner named the manager of the baseball team?
He knew something about sweeping.

Why did the general manager consult a coven of witches to turn about the team?
They needed to win for a spell.

Why were the politicians unable to set the lineup for their charity baseball game?
Because they kept debating about who was going to be the star.


I hope you enjoyed these jokes tonight.

Thanks for reading! 

October: the scariest month of the year

It’s October, the scariest moment nth the do the year. Why are s it scary you may ask. Is it because of Halloween? Is it because of fall below nag in full swing and winter waiting to strike?

 No, it’s scary because this week s the only month of the year when you can easily find candy corn and melocreme pumpkins, after this month nth is over they vanish like ghosts, dooming you to wait nearly a full year before they return.

 Another thing that can be spooky I s comic books, while not as prevalent as super heroes comics, the ghost and spooky genre was once popular. These comic books are great to read right now, it may take some looking to find them, but it’s well worth the effort. From ghosts to demons, from witches to unexplained happenings, these old comic books are sure to entertain you.

 What else is there besides comic books and candy to do this month? If you’re lucky you can get in a last bowl of ice cream, or at least a glass of lemonade.

 Hot chocolate chip cookies are in season right now, try to make sure you wait long enough after taking them out before devouring them, with the holidays approaching you need to be safe.

 While there are many more things you may want to do during this horrifying month, I’m afraid this post has reached….

The end!

Thanks for reading.

How to ruin any food: Apple sauce revisited

Tonight we’re revisiting apple sauce. It’s been over a year since I ruined it and I do have a few new ideas. I have several old ideas, I had actually forgotten that I had ruined apple sauce before. However there is a time and place for revisiting everything and tonight it is time to revisit apple sauce.

You may want to begin by rereading the original post:

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:


The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.


What it is:

Apple sauce is, at it’s most basic, pureed apples. Many people season it spices, or dust the top with cinnamon. If the apples are not very sweet, sugar or honey is often added to it.


While the history of apple sauce isn’t any less cloudy as it was last year, several new theories of its origin have been painstakingly unearthed:

  1.  There has been evidence that apples and wooly mammoths may have once co-existed. The result of a stampede of wooly mammoths of a field of fallen apples may have been the first occurrence of apple sauce.
  2. There is new evidence that Issac Newton may have had a much harder head than previously thought, the apple that hit him may have been the first apple to be transformed into apple sauce via gravity.
  3. A Roman galley has been found mostly intact somewhere in the Mediterranean, it appears it sunk during a storm while the crew was drunk of fermented apples, which may be the oldest evidence of apples being sauced by humans.
  4. An English archeologist has expressed a belief that he has found a text dating to the time of King Arthur that shows one of the famous king’s battles took place in an apple orchard during a harvest. Over the next few years legend has it that the apple pickers deliberately ran horses over the freshly picked apples to make apple sauce.

While these rumors have little to no basis in fact, they are worth a chuckle or two. I hope you enjoyed them.

How to make it:

Apple sauce is very easy to make, just peel your apples and puree them, add sugar if needed and top with a dusting of cinnamon if desired.


How to ruin it:

Now we arrive at the fun part! Ruining apple sauce! We’ll be breaking it down into the following parts tonight: Cinnamon replacements, Additions, Sweeteners, Apple replacements.

Cinnamon replacements:

Instead of dusting with cinnamon, consider using any of the following:


  • Cumin
  • Curry powder
  • Himalayan salt
  • Celery seed


There are several things which you can add to your apple sauce to ruin it:

  • Plenty of salt, you can never have too much salt in your apple salt… er, sauce.
  • Soy sauce, it’ll add a bit of saltiness and it’s a sauce in a sauce.
  • Worcestershire sauce, adds a unique taste.
  • Onions, these can also be pureed, they will mix in nicely and the result will smell so good that tears will be in your eyes and those of your guests.
  • Mustard, give your apple sauce a bit of a bit
  • Mustard seeds, gives a bite and stays in your teeth, two ruins for the price of one!
  • Italian seasoning, only true lovers of Italian food will like it… who am I kidding, even they will think it’s ruined!



Most apple sauce will need at least a bit of sweetening. Consider adding any of these instead of sugar to ruin it:

  • Root beer
  • Lemonade
  • Melted ice cream
  • Chocolate syrup
  • Chocolate chips, if added when apple sauce is cool, the chocolate chips can be mistaken for seeds if they are small enough, which is a bonus for ruining.


Apple replacements:

Yes, you can replace the apple in apple sauce! With these options, you’ll still have something that will look similar to apple sauce, but will taste nothing like it, which ruins it.

  • Mashed potatoes
  • Mashed squash
  • Pureed spaghetti noodles
  • Pureed turnips


That’s about all the ideas I have for ruining apple sauce this year, did I miss any good ones?

Thanks for reading, have a great weekend!

Random thoughts and news for Friday, October 2nd

I have an assortment of random thoughts and bits of news for you tonight, I hope you find it interesting!


 Do you play games on your phone or tablet? Of course you do! Now go and download Jetpack Joyride! This game has a month long event going that transforms it to one of the greatest movie franchises ever, Back To The Future! Yes, complete with hover boards and a time traveling DeLorian! 

Are you still reading this? Great Scott!  What are you waiting for, download it, it’s not a heavy decision!


Even thought it’s now October, not many games have released Halloween themed editions of their games yet, which is kind of odd, but I’m sure within a week or so there will be many updates.


 Speaking of updates, it seems like every company is releasing new gadgets, that means new features to learn and new bugs to deal with, not all of the bugs will be distinguishable from features and vise versa.


 It’s October, or as many people think of it, Halloween month. All this month I’m reviewing suitable books and stories on my book review site, the first one will be going up this weekend.

Take a look:


Looking for a great spooky movie to watch this month? I suggest any and all of the Universal pictures from the 1930s and 1940s. While not bloody like modern movies, they have a certain something that modern movies just can’t match.


 That’s about all I have to share with you tonight. I hope you found these things interesting.

Thanks for reading!

Jokes For September 30th

Tonight I have a few jokes for you, I would have had more, but a software update took too long. I’m afraid there might be more formatting errors tonight.

 I have a few fall jokes for you as well tonight.

 I hope you enjoy these few jokes!


Fall jokes


Why did the candy maker toss his goods out of a cargo plane?

So they could have a great falls.
When a truck carrying several tons of cocoa powder crashed into a river, spilling all of its cargo, the nearby town people were disappointed it hadn’t happened by the waterfall, they had hoped for a great chocolate fall.

Why did the watch maker hate the season after summer?

 He could always count on a great spring, but he had terrible falls.


Farm jokes


Why did the NSA build a listening post in the corn field?

They need a few extra ears.
A plane dropped a box full of stolen money on a farmer’s potato field, the FBI was quickly there searching for the money. After hours of searching the agent in charge gathered the other agents around and asked if any of them had found any clues. The agents all replied that they hadn’t seen any sign of the money.

   The agent in charge then proceeded to call his superior and told him “The eyes have it.”

 A farmer was tending to his field when he saw a man carrying a shovel following a dog with a bone.

When the farmer confronted the man, he learned that the dog had managed to get a hold of a rare pocket watch and had presumably buried it in the farmer’s field.

 “Don’t worry,” the farmer told the man as he glanced at the root crop, “I’m sure it’ll turnip.”

I hope you enjoyed these jokes and humor.

Thanks for reading!

The end… Of September 

The end is nigh, the end of September that is. This has been a month of transitioning from summer to fall, however nature didn’t remember and the month was more summer like than fall like.

 Which means that this next month will likely see a sudden cool down with rain turning to snow that will leave sidewalks dangerous to navigate, such is the change of seasons.

  A few things never change however, such as how delicious chocolate chip cookies are, how relaxing a nice cold glass of lemonade of a warm day is and how fun comic books can be to read.

 Can you ever read a comic book just once? Yes, depending on if you like it or not and how many more you have to read.

Comic books are like pieces of candy, you can’t just have one, you keep wanting just a bit more, just one more taste of the excitement that comes with each one. Some are sweet, some are so sour that they turn your stomach, yet you keep coming back just to see if it was really so bad.

 Alas, with the coming of fall and winter, the opportunities  to relax and enjoy the weather while either eating ice cream or chocolate chip cookies while reading a comic book will be limited, take advantage of the few opportunities  that you have, for soon there will be no more until spring.

  Enjoy these last few days of nice weather while you can, but always keep in mind that once the weather turns cold, there will be plenty of hot chocolate to drown your sorrows in.

Thanks for reading!

How to ruin any food: A look back at Summer

Tonight I thought I’d do something a bit different, I’m going to take a few minutes to look back at the many foods I’ve ruined this past Summer, I hope you enjoy.

However, first I’d like to mention that I did have a small glitch with last night’s post, somehow the like and share buttons were turned off, that has been corrected now and hopefully I won’t have that problem again.

Side dishes:

Side dishes, one of the more interesting and fun things to ruin.

On August 16th I ruined Potato salad, this was pretty fun, I think everyone enjoyed this post:

On August 30th I showed you some of the many ways to ruin Baked Beans. This was also pretty fun and there were a few ideas I really doubt anyone else had thought of. However it wasn’t as popular as ruining potato salad.


Main dishes:

What really constitutes a main dish? Does have to be a certain size? Take a certain amount of work to make? Be able to be broiled? I really think that this is a question that everyone has their own answer to.

On September 6th I ruined Chili Rellenos. This was a good post and it even introduced a new food to at least one of you loyal readers.


On August 23rd I showed you how to ruin Sloppy Joes. This was another fun post, and I think there were some great ideas in it. Always remember strawberry jam and Italian sausage will ruin sloppy joes!

On July 23rd I explained how easily Ravioli could be ruined, this was quite easily the most popular ruining food post of the summer.

On June 28th I completely ruined Italian Sausage sandwiches. The resulting destruction can still be felt.



Ah, desserts, the perfect way to finish a ruined meal. Just when your guests think that there might be something good to eat after so many ruined foods, you thrust despair into the jaws of hope, or something to that effect.

On July 12th we ruined Brownies, which while it seemed hard at first proved to be quite easy.

On June 21, (Okay, maybe it’s not technically summer but close enough for me), I ruined milkshakes, now no one looks at them the same way. I introduced you to some novel ideas on syrups to use and a few other wacky ideas.


On July 26 and August 2nd, I showed how ice cream toppings could be ruined. While I can’t say if anyone has tried these, they were pretty fun to write and allowed me to get creative.


I hope you enjoyed this look back at some of my favorite ruining food posts of the summer. Next week I’ll be back to ruining something new!

Have a food you’d like to see ruined? Have an idea on how to ruin something? Let me know in the comments and I might use your idea in the coming weeks.

Thanks for reading!

What would Shakespeare say today?

What would Shakespeare write today? How many ch different would his famous plays be? What about the lines that get quoted so often?

If you’ve been wondering about these questions, I have the answer! I’ve put several seconds into thinking up these reworked quoted. I hope you enjoy!

I’d like to apologize in advance for any formatting errors, the new WordPress app has a few bugs in it.


Original: A fool think himself wise. A wise man knows himself to be a fool.

Updated: a fool thinks himself wise enough to be a politician. A wise man knows himself to be fool enough to be a politician.


Original: Better three hours to early than a minute late.

Updated: Better a text too soon than a tweet to late.


Original: wisely, and slow. They stumble who run fast.

Updated: Wisely and slow. They stumble into traffic who text while jogging.

Original: There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.

Updated: there is nothing either good nor bad, but politicians make it so.

Original: My words go up while my thoughts remain below. Words without thoughts never to heaven go.

Updated: My words go up while my thoughts remain below. I should have been a political speechwriter.


Original: To be, or not to be, that is the question.

Updated: To be, or not to be, politicians can have it both ways.
Original: To be, or not to be, that is the question.

Updated: To tweet or to blog, that is the question I text.
Original: The lady doth protest too much, me thinks.

Updated: That lady protests like a politician, or I’ll be a grapefruit in sweatpants.
Original: Out damned spot, out I say!

Updated: Siri, how do I remove blood stains?

Original: now is the winter of our discontent.

Updated: As we get past the Fall equinox, the days begin to get shorter. As the jet stream moves to bring cold are from the North Pole down our way and the El Niño is forming in the pacific looks to push high than normal amounts of moisture inland, it looks like we’re in for a hard winter. Coupled with a downturn in the economy and a crashing stock market, I’d say we may now have a winter of discontent on our hands.

How did I do? Do you think that William Shakespeare would write like that if he were alive today? Even if he wouldn’t, I hope you managed to get a chuckle from these updated quotes.

Thanks for reading.

R.I.P Yogi Berra 

The legendary Yogi Berra has died, he was 90 years old. A Hall of Fame baseball catcher, he was also known for the many quotes attributed to him over the years. It is perhaps these quotes, these yogi-isms as they have become known, that he is best known for. In fact I truly believe he may have been one of the best humorists ever, though that is debatable.

Some of the best (in my opinion) are:

“If you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

“A nickle ain’t worth a dime anymore.”

“I always thought that record would stand until it was broken.”

“You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn’t enough in the second half you give what’s left.”

“Baseball is 90 percent mental, the other half is is physical.”

“It ain’t the heat, it’s the humility.” 

“I didn’t really say everything I said.”

Fair well, Yogi Berra, we’ll miss you and your  yogi-isms.

You can find many more yogi-isms at the following sites:

September fades away

September is beginning to draw to a close, which means October will soon be upon us. The time for lemonade is nearly over and the time for apple cider is drawing near.
 The time for accidentally publishing blog posts are also upon us, sorry about that.

 While the month is slowly coming to an end and Fall begins on Wednesday, the temperatures are still staying summer like for the moment.

Luckily while the weather remains warm, we can all enjoy lemonade and ice cream for a while longer.

 One thing we can enjoy right now is ice cream with fruit, such as peaches and vanilla ice cream. However if you just want to cover your ice cream with chocolate syrup go for it!

 This is also a good time to get ready to entertain your cat for the next several months after winter has set in. I suggest laying in a supply of catnip and treats, a few toys wouldn’t hurt either.

 Comic books are still worth reading right now, I suggest reading something light hearted right now,  you can never read enough lighthearted comic books. Comic books are not only good relaxation, but they can kill a few minutes when you’re waiting for something.

 Keep enjoying good food, good lemonade and reading good comic books.

Thanks for reading and enjoy your week.