Shakespeare quotes updated for the Rio Olympics

Ever wonder what Shakespeare would have said about this years Olympics? I have the answer.

 

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To bees or not two bees, that is the question… The answer is no, those are two Zika carrying misquotes!

  

Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him so well… Unless he was doping, in that case I never met the guy.

  

Better three hours too soon than a minute late… Unless you show up at the wrong event.

 

The lady doth protest too much, methinks, there be steroids in the air!

  

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark… Luckily we’re in Rio.

  

ll that glisters is not gold, there are silver medals too.

  

Now is the winter of our discontent in Rio, though these are the Summer games, geography is odd that way.

  

Tempt not a desperate man, lest a whole country gets banned for doping.

  

A man can die but once, but he can miss out on a gold medal many times.

    

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 I hope you enjoyed these updated quotes. Thanks for reading!

Famous quotes as seen by a vampire, a werewolf and a witch 

I have the wonderful opportunity to present to you, my loyal readers, the thoughts of a vampire, a werewolf and a witch on famous quotes.

This opportunity is only available at this time of year, as all kinds of monsters are available for interviews… The only scary beings  available the rest of the year are lawyers and politicians.

I hope you enjoy this post!

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Fair is foul, and foul is fair.   – Macbeth 

Vampire: Where are the Cubs?

Werewolf : I don’t much care for baseball.

Witch: I thought the World Series was supposed to be over by now.

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I am in blood
Stepp’d in so far, that, should I wade no more,
Returning were as tedious as go o’er. – Macbeth

Vampire: I love blood, tis like wine  for me!

Werewolf: I much prefer dry ground, no wading for me.

Witch: Ah, that would be Shakespeare, my favorite of his in fact.

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Curse ruthless time! Curse our mortality. How cruelly short is the allotted span for all we must cram into it! – Winston Churchill

Vampire: That is one curse I don’t have, perhaps the only one…

Werewolf: I’m willing to cram a lot into life, but no silver!

Witch: I’ve got a cure for that, let’s see, where is my eye of newt?

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Keep your eyes on the stars and your feet on the ground. -Theodore Roosevelt

Vampire: What if I’m a bat?

Werewolf: Sound advice, unless the moon is full.

Witch:  If I do, I won’t be able to fly, what use is my broom then?

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Speak softly and carry a big stick: you’ll go far. – Theodore Roosevelt

Vampire: good advice, at least for a baseball player.

Werewolf: (No retort given.)

Witch: does my broom count?

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‘Tis now the very witching time of night,
When churchyards yawn and hell itself breathes out
Contagion to this world. ~William Shakespeare

Vampire: Sounds like home.

Werewolf: I think I woke up there this morning.

Witch:  it’s also time for my favorite cooking show: From grave to table.

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 I had hoped to have time to get more retorts from the vampire, werewolf and witch, but they had some haunting a to get to.

 I hope you enjoyed this post, hopefully I’ll be able to bring you more retorts to quotes soon.

Thanks for reading!

What would Shakespeare say today?

What would Shakespeare write today? How many ch different would his famous plays be? What about the lines that get quoted so often?

If you’ve been wondering about these questions, I have the answer! I’ve put several seconds into thinking up these reworked quoted. I hope you enjoy!

I’d like to apologize in advance for any formatting errors, the new WordPress app has a few bugs in it.

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Original: A fool think himself wise. A wise man knows himself to be a fool.

Updated: a fool thinks himself wise enough to be a politician. A wise man knows himself to be fool enough to be a politician.

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Original: Better three hours to early than a minute late.

Updated: Better a text too soon than a tweet to late.

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Original: wisely, and slow. They stumble who run fast.

Updated: Wisely and slow. They stumble into traffic who text while jogging.
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Original: There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.

Updated: there is nothing either good nor bad, but politicians make it so.

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Original: My words go up while my thoughts remain below. Words without thoughts never to heaven go.

Updated: My words go up while my thoughts remain below. I should have been a political speechwriter.

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Original: To be, or not to be, that is the question.

Updated: To be, or not to be, politicians can have it both ways.
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Original: To be, or not to be, that is the question.

Updated: To tweet or to blog, that is the question I text.
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Original: The lady doth protest too much, me thinks.

Updated: That lady protests like a politician, or I’ll be a grapefruit in sweatpants.
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Original: Out damned spot, out I say!

Updated: Siri, how do I remove blood stains?

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Original: now is the winter of our discontent.

Updated: As we get past the Fall equinox, the days begin to get shorter. As the jet stream moves to bring cold are from the North Pole down our way and the El Niño is forming in the pacific looks to push high than normal amounts of moisture inland, it looks like we’re in for a hard winter. Coupled with a downturn in the economy and a crashing stock market, I’d say we may now have a winter of discontent on our hands.

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How did I do? Do you think that William Shakespeare would write like that if he were alive today? Even if he wouldn’t, I hope you managed to get a chuckle from these updated quotes.

Thanks for reading.

A pirate’s take on famous quotes 

If you recall, two Fridays ago I managed to bring you the thoughts of two cats on quotes, tonight, thanks to a pirate who was thrown through time, I’m bringing you a pirate’s take on some famous quotations and proverbs, enjoy!

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“An apple a day keeps the doctor away.”

Pirate: But what about scurvy? That’s what me and me lads would like to know!

“A fool and his money are soon parted”

Pirate: Me an’ me lads will part them, ev’n if he ain’t a fool!

“The best way out is always through,” Robert Frost

Pirate: I say the best way out is to sink the lillylivered land lubbers! No one will hang Captain Iron John Long!

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 Here my conversation with the pirate, Captain Iron John Long paused as he requested some food, it turned out the good captain has quite a sweet tooth, he quite enjoyed doughnuts, mostly eclairs.

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“It is by acts and not ideals that people live,” Anatole France

Captain Iron John Long: It’s by me sword that I live!

“The buck stops here!”

Captain Iron John Long: Money is it? Just give to me, I’ll be havin’ it soon enough no matter what!

“Nothing is stronger than habit,” Ovid.

Captain Iron John Long: Nothing be stronger than me crew and me cannons! I’ll give ye a broadside to any habit ye can name! Me crew will sweep ye lillylivered landlubbers from the seas!

“One great use of words is to hide our thoughts,” Voltaire 

Captain Iron John Long: One great use of a cutlass is to win a battle!

“Before everything else, getting ready is the secret of success,” Henry Ford

Captain Iron John Long: Me cutlass is the secret to me success, it be always at me side!

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 I had hoped to get many more of these great retorts to the quotes I had, but unfortunately the pirate saw a chance to go plunder some loot, I understand that he is currently working as a banker.

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this post.

What cats think of quotes

 Tonight I’m pleased to bring you two cats and their views on some famous and not so famous quotes. I found this quite interesting and I hope you will too!

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Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer, The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles. – Hamlet

Cat 1: You’ll need a sling if you step on my tail at night again, or maybe a full body cast! I’ll show you a sea of troubles!
Cat 2: Slings and arrows? What about my claws and whiplike tail? You still worried about slings and arrows? Though I don’t like water, seas are full of water, right?

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I came, I saw, I conquered. – Julius Caesar 

Cat 1: and I slept through the whole thing!
Cat 2: I only conquer mice and cat food, though come to think about it, I think I now claim a all laps and beds in my dominion.

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Is he alone who has courage on his right hand and faith on his left hand? -Charles Lindbergh 

Cat 1: I’m got a mouse in my right paw and a moth in my left, does that count?
Cat 2: I’ve got claws on both paws, they never fight alone, wanna see?

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They that govern the most make the least noise. – John Selden 

Cat 1: I sleep most of the day and I’m quiet while I do, guess I govern this house!
Cat 2: I don’t know, I find a few meows here and there gets a lot done.

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I can imagine no society which does not embody some method of arbitration. – Herbert Read

Cat 1: Welcome to my society, my meow is law.
Cat 2: I can’t imagine a society where you don’t sleep 20 hours a day or more.

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The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. -Lao Tzu

Cat 1: A thousand miles? A single step? Couldn’t you just take a plane and skip the walking so I can sleep?

Cat 2: Sure, but did you know that the journey of a thousand naps starts with a single yawn?

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That’s all I was able to get from those cats tonight, these quotes tired them out. If you enjoyed reading these retorts of quotes from cats, let me know in the comments.

Thanks for reading!

Quotes from Caesar’s cat

While everyone has heard of Julius Caesar, few people have heard of his cat, known as Cattus Caesar. Yes, it’s a lost fact that Caesar never went anywhere without his trust cat. In fact, shortly after Caesar marched into Rome in49 B.C. his cat declared to all Roman cats: (note: This is the english translation of ancient Roman cat languge) I came, I slept, I ate.
During one of Caesar’s many trips to Eqypt, his cat is supposed to have said: I came, I slept, I was worshipped.
While these quotes might make it sound as those he was a lazy cat, it’s not true, as these quotes show:

Mice die many times before their actual deaths.

In war, events of importance are the result of trivial pounces.

It is easier to find mice who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to play with patience.

I divide all mice into three parts.

All Gaul is divided into three parts, but all mice belong to me.

Unfortunately, Cattus Caesar died the same day Julius Caesar died, He was killed by another cat who had claimed to be his friend, he is said to have died after sayin: Et tu, Tom?

Thanks for reading. Please feel free to comment.

Quotes updated… with a cat’s rebuttal

Tonight I’m updating a few famous quotes… and giving you a cat’s rebuttal to them. I hope you enjoy these.
I’ll start by giving you the original quote, then the updated quote and finally a cat’s take.

I think, therefore I am. – René Descartes.

Updated: I tweet, therefore I am.

A cat’s take: If you tweet you must be a bird… I’m in the mood for some wings!

A rose, by any other name, would still smell as sweet. – William Shakespeare.

Updated: Politics, by any name, still smells like sewage.

A Cat’s take: You know what I’d like to smell right now? Roasting chicken.

Would you persuade, speak of interest, not of reason. – Benjamin Franklin

Updated: If you want to persuade, blog truth, don’t tweet rumors.

A cat’s take: Only birds tweet. If you don’t want to be my lunch, give me food… that chicken should be ready by now.

I’m a slow walker, but I never walk back. – Abraham Lincoln

Updated: I’m a slow typer, but it doesn’t matter if you tweet.

A cat’s take: If you’re any slower feeding me, I’ll have to knock over these plants… and those glasses, and maybe other stuff too.

Great eaters and great sleepers are incapable of anything else that is great. ~Henry IV of France

Updated: Great eaters and great sleepers are incapable of anything else great, but isn’t being great at two things good enough?

A cat’s take: Hear hear! I’ll eat to that… then I’ll sleep to it too! Now where’s my meal?

I hope you’ve enjoyed this post, I enjoyed writing it. Thanks for reading and please feel free to share your thoughts!

If famous people had been cats

Tonight I’ll share some quotes from famous people rewritten to what they would have been if those people had been cats:

Isaac Newton

If I have seen further than others, it is by standing upon the shoulders of lions.

It is the weight, not numbers of mice that is to be regarded.

We build too many walls and not enough mousetraps.

We build too many chicken coops and not enough ovens.

Robert E. Lee

I like catnip. I always did, and that is why I never sniff it.

Never do a wrong thing to make a friend or to keep one.

John Barrymore

Happiness sneaks in through a door you didn’t know you left open, just like mice.

You can only be as good as you dare to be bad.

Greta Garbo

My talents fall within definite limitations. I am not as versatile a mouser as some think.

If only those who dream about Hollywood knew how difficult it all is to catch a cartoon mouse.

I hope you’ve enjoyed these quotes.
Thanks for reading and feel free to comment.