Ask a cat, week twenty part two

As promised, I’m here tonight with Wild Buffalo Betty, this won’t be a long post, but she did have something she wanted to talk about.

 

Thanks for agreeing to do this tonight, Wild Buffalo Betty, was there any questions you really wanted to answer tonight?

 Sigh, yes, Colin, I’d like to take a moment of silence for my favorite actor who went to Boot Hill this week.

 

Your favorite actor died? Agent 028’s favorite actor died too, Roger Moore.

 Yup, he was my favorite actor too, he was in my favorite show, Maverick. The Alaskans was pretty good too.

 

So Roger Moore was a secret agent on a western?

 No! That was that silly Wild Wild West, I’m talking about Maverick, a serious western. He was great in that show, ah reckon.

 

I don’t think I’ve ever watched it, so I’ll take your word for it.

 Ah thank ya, Colin. Now I’m running late for a roundup.

 

What are you rounding up?

Oh the normal, mice mostly, I found a few catnip mice Agent 028 forgot about.

 

Would you like to say the parting words tonight, Wild Buffalo Betty?

 Ah sure would…. take care this weekend, try to watch Maverick or the Alaskans. Colin will return next week with another ask the cat, until then, move ’em up an move ’em out!

A cat’s thoughts, week twenty 

Well I’m here, but unfortunately it seems that Wild Buffalo Betty isn’t… she promised to be here tonight, but I guess that catnip distracted her. I guess I’ll just have to…. oh, here’s Agent 028!

 I don’t have time! I’m busy! Hey!

 

Come on, Agent 028, it’ll only take a few minutes of your time, what are you up to anyway?

 If you must know, I’m getting ready to go on a mission, do you know what happened this week?

 

A few things have happened, what are you referring to?

 A great agent died, they say it was natural, but I don’t agree.

 

Are you referring to the actor Roger Moore?

 Actor? Wow, he was a good undercover agent! You never even realized he was a secret agent pretending to be an actor!

 

Uh… but he played a secret agent…

 In truth, he was a secret agent pretending to be an actor playing a secret agent, which is something few agents can do convincingly.

 

I see you have gathered a few things together… a dozen catnip mice, a feather toy, a bottle cap and a box?

 No, no, no… those are deadly exploding catnip mice, the feather toy contains a GPS tracking device, the bottle cap is a self propelled anti collar device, it can cut through a collar in less than five seconds.

 

 I almost hesitate to ask about the box.

Oh, the ‘box’! It’s an amazing gadget! It flies, sails, it can be pushed or pulled, it can carry anything I need and I can sleep in it.

 

Okay…. did you ever watch Roger Moore in a movie?

Oh no, I knew him much better than in training films, he taught me everything I know about guns and explosives. I also learned a few things about car chases, but I try to leave those for dogs.

 

Well I’m sure you are anxious to get going, but do you have any parting words for our readers?

 Sure, never get into trouble you can’t get out of, always watch your own back and… (stares at iPad) I’m coming for you, Mousefield!

 

Hi ya! How y’all doing?

Wild Buffalo Betty? But we’re done here, Agent 028 filled in for you.

 

Gee… Ah was really hoping to answer your questions tonight.

How about tomorrow night? I’ll ask you a few questions tomorrow night, okay, Wild Buffalo Betty?

 

That sounds great, partner, ah reckon I’ll see ya then, night y’all!

Until tomorrow, Wild Buffalo Betty! 

 

Thanks for reading, I’ll be back tomorrow night with Wild Buffalo Betty,.

A cat’s thoughts, week nineteen 

Tonight I’ve agreed to let Wild Buffalo Betty try a new format, I’m not sure how’s it’s going to work, but let’s see how it goes. Without any further ado, here’s Wild Buffalo Betty!

 

Thanks, Colin! Aha glad to be here tonight. As you said, ah wanted to try something new this week, you can just sit back and listen to me and mah thoughts.

 

If a cat catches a mouse in the woods, does she still get catnip?

 

To bee, or not to bee, Ah don’t really care as long as Ah get enough catnip, you can have a thousand bees if you want.

 

When it comes to ropin’ catttle, ah reckon you should carry a lasso.

 

Give me a home where the Buffalo roam and ah’ll show ya a pile o’ debris.

 

 Every watering hole should have plenty of catnip tea and milk.

 

I look pretty in a cowboy hat, don’t you want to give me catnip?

 

Ah, Wild Buffalo Betty? I don’t think that quite fits.

  Why not? It’s a thought of mine! Ah thought ah could say what I wanted to.

True, but… oh well, here’s some catnip, say goodnight Betty.

  Ah’ not going to fall for that! Goodnight Colin, goodnight readers, Ah hope you enjoyed my thoughts!

 

Well that was interesting… what do you think? Did you enjoy this format or the old one?

Thanks for reading!

 

A cat’s thoughts, week eighteen 

Tonight I have Agent 0028 here, he hadn’t exactly agreed to answer questions, but hopefully I can convince him to share his thoughts.
Thanks for joining us tonight, Agent 0028.

I’m only here because my ear needs to be scratched.

Okay, if that’s how you want it, shall we begin?

Yes, please, after my ear is scratched I’ll take a can of tuna.
How about a few questions first? What did you think of the French election this past weekend?

I can’t comment, I didn’t have anything to do with it.

 

I’m sure you didn’t, your not French. Nor we’re you in France… we’re you?

I really can’t say, though the view from that tower was excellent.

 

Moving on, what are your thoughts about the FBI director being fired?

He should be, in my opinion, he never had good catnip… oh, wait, that’s the CIA director, my mistake.

 

Wait a moment… are you saying you are a real spy? Or are you a Russian double agent?

Nyet… er, no, I cannot confirm or deny such rumors.

 

Assuming for a minute you are a spy cat… cat spy? Secret cat agent? Well, assuming you are one, what are so,e of your skills?

 What can any cat do better than a human? Hack. Assuming I were a spy, I could safely say I’m the best hacker in the world. Want next weeks winning lottery numbers? I’m your cat.

 

So if, say, I wanted to know what someone received in email, I wouldn’t have to contact a Russian hacker?

 Well, a Russian cat could hack as well as me, but so could a Siamese cat… I’m not sure about any lynx, they like linux… not that I have any complaints about different operating systems, I know lots of cats who enjoy windows… actually I think all cats enjoy windows.

 

So I’ll assume you don’t like macs?

Hey, I’m not here to get into any arguments, if you can’t ask simple questions I can ignore, this interview is over.

 

I guess that’s it for tonight, I hope you found Agent 0028’s answers interesting. Thanks for reading!

A cat’s thoughts, week seventeen 

As promised. I’m here with Wild Buffalo Betty, she’s ready to answer a few questions tonight… I hope.

  

Thanks for agreeing to be part of my blog posts this week, Betty!

Sure thing, though I would appreciate it if you would use my full name sometimes.

  

Okay, Wild Buffalo Betty, what do you think about politics?

Politics who?

You couldn’t get that right last night,Mobutu tonight you can?

 I do my best, sometimes I just don’t have the answers.

 

Moving on, who do you think will win the French election this weekend?

I can’t say, but I think one of the candidates is toast.

Are you trying to be funny again, Betty?

Yup, I sure am, partner.

 

We only have the time for two more questions tonight. Did you enjoy the jokes last night, Wild Buffalo Betty?

 I sure did! I enjoy jokes! I love humor too, unfortunately you don’t have much on your blog.

 Hey! I have very little besides humor!

Oh really? Where are the mice on shoes? Where are the toys hidden in the doorways at night? The dry cat food placed carefully where you walk bare foot?

You can’t do that on a blog, Betty.

Oh… I didn’t realize it was censored.

  

Okay… last question… who do you think will win the Kentucky derby this year?

Ah, Kentucky… you know I used to have a home there once…

Really? I’m sure it was an old house.

Yup, it was my old Kentucky home… oh my old Kentucky home…

 Goodnight Betty.

Jokes for May 4th

Tonight I’m going to try something new, knock knock jokes! Yes, thanks to the cooperation of Wild Buffalo Betty, I can offer up some of the best knock knock jokes ever written! Enjoy!  

Knock knock

Who’s thar?

Doctor 

Doc Holiday! I thought you were in tombstone!

 

 Betty, that’s not how these jokes work, remember I explained you part?

Whoops, sorry, I just got excited, it won’t happen again, promise.

 Okay, Wild Buffalo Betty, let’s try it again!

 

Knock knock

Who’s thar?

Doctor

Doc! You sent me back! Back from…

 

That’s not even a western!

Part three is, Colin.

You’ve got me there, Betty, let’s move on.

Ready! I’ll get it right this time!

 

Knock knock

Who’s thar?

Arrr!

Yikes! A pirate! Where’s my Winchester?

  

Betty!

Sorry… I goof up again, but I don’t like pirates…

It’s okay, Betty, I’ll try one that’s not so scary for you.

 

Knock knock

Who’s thar?

Police

Police? I ain’t an outlaw! I wear a white hat! I like John Wayne! I don’t rustle cattle!

 

Relax, Wild Buffalo Betty, it’s just a joke.

Oh… right… I goofed again, didn’t I?

Let’s try another one, okay?

Ready, Colin, I’ll do my best!

 

Knock knock

Who’s thar?

Orange

Orange? I hate oranges! Can’t you find me some catnip instead?

 

Sigh…

 

Knock knock 

Who’s thar?

Catnip

Catnip who?

How do I know? You wanted catnip!

 

I don’t think these jokes are very funny, Colin, do you humans really enjoy them?

When the joke goes right, they can be funny.

If you say so… I think I’ll just keep answering questions if you don’t mind…

That might be for the best, Betty, maybe we can try these jokes some other time. Do you want to say anything to our readers?

 Sure! It’s May 4th, I think, so may Tom Baker be with you!

 

Thanks for reading, Wild Buffalo Betty and I will be back tomorrow with questions and answers.

Cooking with Wild Buffalo Betty 

Howdy y’all, it’s Wild Buffalo Betty here. I was just mindin’ my own business, napping, when Colin came up an’ asked if’en I couldn’t take a few minutes and tell y’all that he’s too busy to ask me questions tonight, he’s hopin’ to ask me a few questions on Friday night.

 So now y’all know what’s going on, this ain’t takin’ too much room, so I’ll just keep going and give you a few o’ my good cookin’ tips.

 

After a long day ropin’ on the range, you’ll want something quick to eat, but you’ll want it to taste good too. I’ll help y’all out.

 First off, ground meat is tender, so take a good pound meet, I like Buffalo myself, but beef is good too. Mix in a good cup or two o’ catnip and enjoy.

 Oh yes, that’s right, you humans like your food cooked, so go ahead, make patties, or fry it, whatever you prefer, just make sure there’s enough catnip.

 

I hope you enjoy your meal!

Jokes for April 27th

I’ve got a few jokes for you tonight, including an old favorite of mine, I hope you enjoy them, I doubt you could find any other jokes that beet them!

 

———————————

Why did the farmer plant root crops instead of wheat?

He wanted to say he beet this neighbor farm with his crop.

 

Why did the farmer turned boxer insist on only using a certain root crop to dye his gloves?

Because it was one way he could beet his opponent.

  

What did the farmer tell the getaway driver after he had robbed a bank?

Let’s beet it!

  

What did the farmer yell at the trespasser?

Beet it!

  

A city slicker was visiting a farm, he asked the farmer how things were growing,the farmer said everything was. Coming up roses. The city slicker congratulation end the farm, to which the farmer said “Thing is, I planted beets.”

 

—————————-

 

Thanks for reading!

A cat’s thoughts, week sixteen 

Tonight I’m lucky enough to have Wild Buffalo Betty here to answer a few questions, I thought I’d ask her about her thoughts of baseball, this should be interesting.

 

Hi Betty, I hope you’re ready to talk baseball!I’d rather talk about gunfighters, but you’re the guy with the catnip.

 

What pitch do you prefer to see?

Hmm, good question, I guess I’d say ‘I’m a calling you out.’

 

Very funny, now do you prefer curveballs or sliders?

Sliders? Ain’t that some kind of fancy hamburger?

  

I see you want to be a comedian tonight, Betty.

Sigh, Wild Buffalo Betty, you should remember that by now and no, I want to be a wrangler.

 

Moving on, do you think vampires enjoy baseball?

Only if there aren’t any steaks around, that’s why us wranglers have nothing to fear from vampires.

 

Do you enjoy strikes or groundball outs best?

I’d rather be sleeping outside, under a starry night sky listening to the Coyotes.

 

Okay… here’s a question you’ll enjoy, do you like the oriels, the cardinals or the blue jays?

Nah, I’ll pass, chicken for me, please, or turkey.

 

Now that would be a name for a baseball team, the turkeys.

With gravy! Always need plenty of gravy! Oh and don’t forget the gravy!

 

Yes, bet… Wild Buffalo Betty, I know you like gravy. Are there any cats who don’t enjoy gravy with their food?

No, that was settled in the shootout at the ok corral, it was between Kitty Brown and Doc Meow… oddly enough there was a bat there as well, I heard they had a ball.

 

Now you’re just making fun of me!

Of course I am! You want to talk baseball while I want to talk about western stuff.

 

Fine! Who would have been the best playing baseball? Doc Holiday or Bartholemew William Barclay Masterson?

Mr Masterson of course! Even I know his nickname, Bat!

 

That’s about all the time we have for tonight, any parting words, Betty?

It’s Wild Buffalo Betty. Never forget my name or I’ll forget you want to sleep. Now give me a bed of catnip like you promised and you may rub my belly.

 

Thanks for joining us tonight. Have a question you’d like for Wild Buffalo Betty to answer? Ask it in the comments and it’ll be answered next week.

What kind of posts do you like?

It’s that time again, the time where I try to decide what direction to take my blog, I’d really like your input.

 I’m considering the following paths forward for my blog:

  

1. Continue as I have been, mostly humor, a weekly joke post, occasional posts about games and cat posts.

2. Go to strictly cats posts.

3. Turn to a food only blog

4. All politics, no humor.

5. Weather blog, I talk about the weather and nothing else, might be humorous, might not be.

 

What I’d like more than anything is to get more people visiting and commenting on my posts. I want your opinion, please leave a comment below to help me decide what to do.

Thank you.