How to ruin any food: batter fried chicken

Welcome to another Saturday night of ruining food! Tonight we’re going to ruin batter fried chicken!  Before anyone asked, yes, this is quite similar to my post last August of ruining fried chicken (http://wp.me/p3pFIg-po), however this time we’re going to ruin the batter fried version of it, which is a key difference. Besides which I had decided to revisit some of my ruined foods from last year.

I hope you enjoy!

 

Before we begin, once more I feel compelled to offer these words:

WARNING: DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER IF YOU ENJOY GOOD FOOD.

The rest of this post in intended to be humorous and not to be taken as new culinary treats about to sweep the nation.Any attempt to ingest the substance described below is not suggested and should be avoided. If you do attempt to taste any of the following food related ideas, please be warned that disgust, nausea and possibly even death could be the result.

 

History:

The history of batter fried chicken is hard to determine, mostly because most sources do not differentiate between regular fried chicken where you just dip it into flour. Batter fried chicken is different because you dip it into a batter and then fry it. Due to this, I have been unable to find any real facts about when chicken was first battered and fried.

Fried chicken in general has been around since at least middle ages if not longer, perhaps even ancient Roman ate fried chicken, at least according to a few sources.

What it is:

Batter fried chicken is chicken pieces that are dipped into a thick batter and then deep-fried. The reason it is deep-fried is to cook the batter at the same time and keep it from coming off as it fries.

 

How to make it:

Batter fried chicken starts with chicken pieces: breasts, wings and legs.

These pieces are dipped into a batter that consists, at the simplest,  of flour, water and spices. Some people add eggs to their batter, or baking soda, baking powder, etc.

Some people will dip the chicken into batter and then roll it in cracker crumbs or potato chip crumbs.

 

How to ruin it:

Ruining batter fried chicken rests almost entirely in the batter. The only exceptions is if you roll the battered chicken in some type of crumbs, or if you cook it until it is nearly burnt, or if you’re ready to devote yourself entirely to the act of ruining food.

  Batter:

There are more ways to ruin the batter than I have time to list. To save time I’ll break it down into three parts: Spices, Batter additions and batter consistency.

      Spices:

Consider using any of these spices:

• Nutmeg
• Cinnamon
• Cocoa powder

 Batter additions:

Consider adding any of these to your batter in place of water:

• Root beer
• Lemonade
• Coffee
• Ginger ale

Consider adding marshmallows to your batter to add that stickiness to the crisp skin, it’s lip smacking good!

Batter replacement:

If you really want to have fun, replace the batter entirely with melted ice creams and roll it in cookie crumbs.

Crumbs:

Rolling the battered chicken is crumbs is quite popular as well, consider rolling your battered chicken in the following:

• Cooke crumbs
• Bread crumbs made from my ruined bread (http://wp.me/p3pFIg-jA)
• Crumbs from my ruined french toast (http://wp.me/p3pFIg-nl)
• Chocolate chips (slightly messy, but tasty! I suggest using cookie dough)
• Catnip

Too much trouble, but will ruin:

This option will ruin your fried chicken, no mater what else you do to it, however it will take much more time than the average person will want to devote to ruining food.

Take a chicken wing and remove the meat, replace the meat with a ball of bread dough, I suggest the dough from my ruined bread post for an extra bit of ruining. The dough might have to be a bit drier than normal as you need to batter it. Then fry the fake chicken wing quickly. If the bread dough doesn’t cook fully, you’ve done a good job. Anyone biting into this fake chicken wing will be startled and very disappointed when there isn’t any meat on the wind.

Frying:

Frying your battered chicken is simple, just put it carefully in the pot of oil and let it cook until it is as dark as you dare, you want it nearly burnt if possible.

You could also fry it just long enough to slightly cook the batter and not even begin to cook the chicken, however I don’t personally recommend this option.

After your batter fried chicken is done, brush it with root beer to soften the batter until it turns soggy, that will add one extra bit of ruining to your ruined batter fried chicken.

 

There you go, a number of ways to ruin batter fried chicken! Give it some thought and come up with your own way, feel free to share it in the comments!

Thanks for reading, I hope you’ll join me again next week when we ruin another food!