System wide news briefs for 7-12-2013

Now it’s time for the system wide new alerts in five minutes, covering the whole solar system!

 

Planet Venus has suffered massive floods due to strange weather. Many Venusians have died, the survival of their race is in doubt if things don’t change soon.

 

Our reporter on Mars reports that the Martians have declared war on every populated planet in the system,. This could have long-lasting repercussions… if Mars can access their warships, which were accidentally locked into their bays two hundred years ago. The key to unlocking those ships was lost when the Martian who locked them up was killed.

 

Saturn is seeing normal weather with no change in the foreseeable future.

 

Jupiter is under attack by a swarm of alien ships from another system. At this time the aliens are already succumbing to Jupiter’s radiation, they are not expected to be a threat to any other planet.

 

And lastly: Earth is having the most troubles, as normal.

Parts of Earth are at war or just steps away from war.

Other parts of Earth are seeing heavy fires along with heavy floods.

Still other parts of Earth are seeing humans rioting over other riots. We fear that things will get worse, perhaps even riots spawning riots about the riots that started the riots.

Humans on Earth are also arguing about anything and everything.

Human flying ships are catching on fire, causes not yet determined. Updates when we hear more.

Humans are also competing against horned beast in an ancient racing game, the reasons behind this ritual is still unknown.

 

BREAKING NEWS!

Pluto is celebrating two hundred years of peace by giving out ray guns, humans suspected of being behind the program, more news as we get it.

 

Now we return you to your normal program: When Humans attack.

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