How to destroy a classic movie: Murder in the Rue Morgue

It’s Friday night again, you know what that means, it’s time to destroy another classic movie. I’ve decided to go for blood tonight, I’m deadly serious about this one, It’ll make a killing in the box office! I’m sure everyone will go ape for this idea of mine.
All kidding aside, this is an interesting movie we’re about to mutilate, so let’s cut to the chase and get to work!

First a brief look at the movie:
Its from an Edgar Allen Poe story, it takes place in Paris, France. It’s about a series of mysterious murders in the Rue Morgue, women have been winding up dead and no one knows how, until our hero, Pierre Dupin, plays sleuth with his microscope and discovers something odd in the blood of the victims, but it’s not until his fiancée is kidnapped by the pet ape of a mad scientist that he has all the clues and solves the mystery. What follows is an action scene where Pierre races to save his love from Bella Lugosi’s mad scientist and the ape, who carries the lady over rooftops to the happy conclusion.
You can read more details on the Wikipedia article

Our first order of business is to decide just how we wish to remake this movie.
We can do one of three ways:

One can be a completely loyal remake.
Two is to make it as a slasher/gore/horror movie.
Three we can remake it as a sci-fi epic set on another planet.

To remake it loyally would not be destroy it, to make it a slasher/gore/horror movie would work, but I’m more of a Sci-fi guy myself, so we’ll choose option three.

Next I want to talk about the setting, the reason this movie worked in 1932 was because it was set in France, Paris to be precise, a local that most people had never gone to, most would never get the chance to go there (I’m ignoring WWII here for simplicity), also contributing to it is the evil mad scientist, Bella Lugosi, unfortunately there isn’t an actor around these days that has such a spooky voice, an accent that conveys terror and his spooky looks.
Our best bet is to get an actor to play a mad scientist for laughs.

We need to name our hero, let’s call him Mike Fiinkly for no good reason.

Now that we’ve got that much figured out, we can get down to the main plot:

The place: Venus, several thousand years in the future, a human colony called Amazon 2.
To release the tension from living in a dome, amusements are key, a circus and other acts are always open, new acts arrive from other domes periodically, one day a doctor arrives with a new exhibit, an animal discovered in the Venusian jungle (it should look as hideous as possible) ,people flock to see it.
In the far side of the dome, women begin turning up dead, appearing to have undergone some kind of mutation.
Of course no one connects the new creature to the dead women, it would be impossible considering the security under which the creature is supposed to guarded.
Now enters our hero, Mike Fiinkly, with his bride, Helen on his arm, out for a night of relaxation, they watch the antics of the new creature.
Later that evening Helen vanshes, Mike fears the worst, but the police don’t, they assure him that nothing could have happened to her
Early the next morning, Mike is killing time reading, what else, Poe’s Murder in the Rue Morgue, he suddenly realized that the doctor could be a psychopath trying to recreate the story, after a tense few moments, he laughs and goes back to reading. That afternoon he’s doing his job and stumbles into enough facts for him to realize that the doctor is actually related to Poe!
With the aid of a group of vigilantes, Mike is able to find the doctor and confronts him. The doctor escapes into his laboratory, with Mike following hot on his heels, they pass by places straight out of Poe’s stories, including but not limited to The Pit and the Pendulum,
Suddenly the mad doctor vanishes! Mike looks around, but all he sees is a mirror with himself reflected in it, only it’s not him, it’s the creature, it’s a shape shifter!
What follows is an epic chase, Mike and the monster running through the lab and occasionally duking it out. Finally the monster turns to fight Mike, changing his form quickly, an epic battle ensues, it cuts to black before the conclusion.
Next we see Helen, tied to a table, awaiting her fate, then a bloodied Mike staggers in, frees her and tells her that the monster is dead, they step over the doctor’s body (he was killed by the monster shortly before Mike and the vigilantes arrived), they leave the building just as it goes up in flames. The screen cuts to a shot of Mike laying dead in the burning lab, then the movie is over, leaving viewers to wonder if it was Mike or the monster that survived.

There you have it, a classic movie ruined and a possibility for many sequels… Such is life on Venus.

I hope that you’ve enjoyed ruining a classic movie with me, I’m sure you’re dying to see what I’m working on for next week, but I don’t think the wait will kill you.
Thanks for reading and as always, feel free to comment.

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