A cat’s thoughts, week sixteen 

Tonight I’m lucky enough to have Wild Buffalo Betty here to answer a few questions, I thought I’d ask her about her thoughts of baseball, this should be interesting.

 

Hi Betty, I hope you’re ready to talk baseball!I’d rather talk about gunfighters, but you’re the guy with the catnip.

 

What pitch do you prefer to see?

Hmm, good question, I guess I’d say ‘I’m a calling you out.’

 

Very funny, now do you prefer curveballs or sliders?

Sliders? Ain’t that some kind of fancy hamburger?

  

I see you want to be a comedian tonight, Betty.

Sigh, Wild Buffalo Betty, you should remember that by now and no, I want to be a wrangler.

 

Moving on, do you think vampires enjoy baseball?

Only if there aren’t any steaks around, that’s why us wranglers have nothing to fear from vampires.

 

Do you enjoy strikes or groundball outs best?

I’d rather be sleeping outside, under a starry night sky listening to the Coyotes.

 

Okay… here’s a question you’ll enjoy, do you like the oriels, the cardinals or the blue jays?

Nah, I’ll pass, chicken for me, please, or turkey.

 

Now that would be a name for a baseball team, the turkeys.

With gravy! Always need plenty of gravy! Oh and don’t forget the gravy!

 

Yes, bet… Wild Buffalo Betty, I know you like gravy. Are there any cats who don’t enjoy gravy with their food?

No, that was settled in the shootout at the ok corral, it was between Kitty Brown and Doc Meow… oddly enough there was a bat there as well, I heard they had a ball.

 

Now you’re just making fun of me!

Of course I am! You want to talk baseball while I want to talk about western stuff.

 

Fine! Who would have been the best playing baseball? Doc Holiday or Bartholemew William Barclay Masterson?

Mr Masterson of course! Even I know his nickname, Bat!

 

That’s about all the time we have for tonight, any parting words, Betty?

It’s Wild Buffalo Betty. Never forget my name or I’ll forget you want to sleep. Now give me a bed of catnip like you promised and you may rub my belly.

 

Thanks for joining us tonight. Have a question you’d like for Wild Buffalo Betty to answer? Ask it in the comments and it’ll be answered next week.

Jokes for April 6th

It’s Thursday night again, but much more importantly is the fact that it’s the first week of baseball season! Enjoy these baseball jokes.

 

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Why was the golfer banned from being a ball boy?

Because he kept getting a hole in one.

  

Why did the chef quit the team?

He couldn’t cut the mustard.

 

Why did the baseball team sign a knitter?

They needed a more good mitts.

 

Why did the baseball manager hire the lemonade as a scout?

Because it had found a good pitcher.

 

Was the vampire hunter bet concerned about the baseball season opener?

Of course, he had quite a stake in it.

  

Why did the frog watch the baseball game?

He had always dreamed of being a catcher.

 

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I hope you enjoyed these jokes. Thanks for reading!

A cat’s thoughts, week fourteen 

Tonight I’m joined by… no cat, actually, they both said they had their fill dong an extra post over the weekend, so I’m going to try to make you forget that there isn’t a cat, please bear with me.
I’m here with no cat. How are you tonight?

… cricket… cricket….

 

Hmmm? Oh, cat got your tongue , eh?

…. cricket…cricket…

 

Well you are a cat, or at least you normally would be. So, what are your thoughts about the political situation?

… glare…. cricket… sticks out tongue.

 

I’m sure almost everyone shares that opinion. Do you expect it to get any better soon?

… stares in disbelief….

 

I’m afraid that’s the general consensus. Turning to other matters, if you could have dinner with one person, er, cat I suppose, who would it be?

… cricket… glare….

 

Ah, of course, you wouldn’t want to share your dinner, sensible answer. Baseball season has just started, are you excited?

YES! Yes! Go Rockies! Strike the bums out! Let’s win some games! Hey, who’s on first this year?

 

Oh look, we have a ghost cat that’s fond of baseball and Abbot and Costello.

Are the Dodgers in Brooklyn again? How about the Giants?

  

I’m afraid we’re out of time for tonight, but with any luck, we’ll have this baseball loving ghost cat back in a few weeks. Any parting words?

 Yes! It’s a shame if the home team doesn’t win.

 

Thanks for reading! Feel free to ask any of the cats a question in the comments below.

It’s a Monday in Spring

Spring Mondays are not quite like normal Mondays.

During Spring, we still have hope for our teams as baseball season is just underway.

We also have Summer to look forward to, which means lemonade and ice cream, two things that can make even a Monday look good.

 So sit back, savor that last mug of hot chocolate and dream of Sumer, baseball, lemonade and ice cream.

Thanks for reading.

Baseball jokes for April 6th

Baseball season started this week, so I thought I’d present you with a few baseball jokes tonight. I hope you enjoy them!

 

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How did the rookie become the fans favorite player on the team?

He was a hit.

 

Did the baseball player enjoy his career?

He had a ball.

 

How important was the home opener?

It was key.

  

Why do baseball pitchers make excellent bowlers?

Because they know how to throw strikes.

 

Why was the baseball team of vampires the best in the league? 

Because they suck the life out of other team!

 

Why was a strangler the best player playing against vampires? 

Because he choked up on the bats!

 

Why was a zombie baseball team always the worst of league? 

Because they’re always looking for new brains.

 

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 I hope these jokes gave you a chuckle.

Thanks for reading, now play ball!

Play ball!

It’s opening day! Baseball season is upon us!

 It’s a time of hope, of worry, of triumphant wins and horrific loses.

It’s a time for all baseball fans to come together and endure the mocking of other sports, sports that think too highly of themselves.

Whether or not you are a baseball fan, you can look at these teams and see how players from all over the world manage to come together and play a game without caring what the other players look like, believe in or come from.

  

 So watch or listen to a game and realize that things might not be as bad as we fear.

Jokes for October 7th

Three things have converged tonight:

  1. It’s Wednesday night, joke night.
  2. It’s October, time for spooky stuff.
  3. Baseball playoffs are in full swing.

Just what does this mean you might wonder, it means that at least for tonight, I’ve got jokes that feature baseball and monsters of one kind or another. I hope you enjoy!

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Why do catchers hate pitchers who are vampires?
They drive the catcher batty.

Why was the baseball team of vampires the best in the league?
Because they suck the life out of other team!

Why was a strangler the best player playing against vampires?
Because he choked up on the bats!

Why was a zombie baseball team always the worst of league? 
Because they’re always looking for new brains.

Why did the zombie pitcher get cut from the team?
He had no arm.

A werewolf was looking forward to attending a baseball game, he had won a ticket that included a chance to get a picture taken with the stars of the team, unfortunately for the werewolf he tripped and fell against the mascot, which was an old star with a bat, just as the moon rose. The headline said it all ‘Silver slugger knocks out wolf.’

What do baseballs fear the most?
Bats!

Why was the baseball team of spirits not expected to win?
They didn’t have a ghost of a chance.

Why was the werewolf chimney cleaner named the manager of the baseball team?
He knew something about sweeping.

Why did the general manager consult a coven of witches to turn about the team?
They needed to win for a spell.

Why were the politicians unable to set the lineup for their charity baseball game?
Because they kept debating about who was going to be the star.

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I hope you enjoyed these jokes tonight.

Thanks for reading! 

R.I.P Yogi Berra 

The legendary Yogi Berra has died, he was 90 years old. A Hall of Fame baseball catcher, he was also known for the many quotes attributed to him over the years. It is perhaps these quotes, these yogi-isms as they have become known, that he is best known for. In fact I truly believe he may have been one of the best humorists ever, though that is debatable.

Some of the best (in my opinion) are:

“If you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

“A nickle ain’t worth a dime anymore.”

“I always thought that record would stand until it was broken.”

“You give 100 percent in the first half of the game, and if that isn’t enough in the second half you give what’s left.”

“Baseball is 90 percent mental, the other half is is physical.”

“It ain’t the heat, it’s the humility.” 

“I didn’t really say everything I said.”

Fair well, Yogi Berra, we’ll miss you and your  yogi-isms.

You can find many more yogi-isms at the following sites:

http://www.umpirebob.com/DATA/yogiisms.htm

http://www.baseball-almanac.com/quotes/quoberra.shtml

Jokes for April 8th

Baseball season has started, so I’m presenting you with enough baseball jokes to field a team with!

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Whys:

Why do catchers hate pitchers who are vampires?
They drive the catcher batty.

Why do matches make terrible batters?
They always strike out.

Why do chefs make the best baseball managers?
They are great with batters.

Why did the baseball team hire a jeweler to mow the field?
They wanted someone who knew about diamonds.

Why did the clock make the baseball team?
Because he had spring in his gait.

Why did the cookie baker try out for the baseball team?
He had a great cutter.

What’s:

What kind of pitch do electricians prefer to throw?
Ground balls.

More humor:

The clock made the baseball team because he had spring in his step.
When the baseball player went to Los Vegas, he won big at cards, he had an ace on his side.
When the mechanical pencil tried out grow the baseball team, it got the lead out.
The  soufflé chef couldn’t make the baseball team as manager because he couldn’t get the batter up.
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These might not be the best jokes, but they are baseball jokes.

Jokes for Wednesday February 18th

It’s Wednesday night again and do I have some jokes for you!
As baseball’s spring training begins tomorrow, I have a few new baseball jokes for you tonight as well.

Baseball

When the mechanical pencil tried out grow the baseball team, it got the lead out.

Why did the venture capitalist buy a baseball team?
He loved great pitches.

Why did the inventor try out for the baseball team?
He had a great pitch.

Why wasn’t the carafe able to become a pitcher for a baseball team?
It had lost its glasses.

Jokes

When a cellphone company decided to expand into major markets, they chose a name for it reminiscent of an existing cellphone. Unfortunately for them, the name didn’t translate right, In English it became the ‘phone eye’

Annoyed with constantly dropping his pepper grinder, an inventor created a pepper grinder that would float in the air. He became a millionaire with his mill on air.

Others

When a shoe store ended up filled with snow, they had a snowshoe sale.

Why did the boxer take his laundry to the ring?
Because he kept getting socked.

I hope you enjoyed these jokes tonight, I know I enjoyed coming up with them.
Thanks for reading!